Hard decision

[Claire84]

I have a guy friend who I have known for a year. He absolutely adores me and will buy me drinks when we go out or pay for my meal, I do pay sometimes. He asked me out last summer and I said know as my feelings were with someone else who didn't deserve them.

Months later he bought me a rose, some expensive perfume, my meal and a cake for my birthday. He dated another girl for 6 weeks but denied it, I think he denied it as he may secretly hope I will change my mind and him dating around may seem off-putting. This friend and I have so much in common, we have a laugh and he treats me well. He isn't a bad looking guy but I don't fancy him. Does fancying someone grow in time? I know he would be a good match for me and I am sick of being let down by a***holes.

[Fuzzyfeeling]

Listen ,you cant force yourself to love someone. And if you cant imagine yourself being more than friends ,then just dont do it. Its just a precaution tho ,maybe you dont know the guy well ,and maybe you will love him ,but it does not come with "time" while being apart. I think treasuring the friendship comes first ,just my 2 cents.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with Fuzzy here. If you don't like the guy romantically, they don't go out with him. You can't force yourself to love somebody, so don't go out with him just out of thinking maybe the feeling will grow. It would be different if you just didn't know how you felt. I would hope you wouldn't be madly in love with anybody you are just first starting to date, because you really need time to get to know them. So, dating anybody is kind of like giving it a try to find out if you do/could love them.

The difference here, though, is you seem to have very specific feelings of liking this guy as a friend and nothing more. That probably wouldn't change. If this guy fancies you, and you know it, you're only going to be hurting him if you give it a try only to find you were right in the first place and you only really like him as a friend.

It would be entirely different if you were just honestly unsure, but were worried about losing the friendship. Then, MAYBE you consider giving a relationship a shot. So, if I misunderstand and that is the case, then maybe you do try. However, I don't get that impression here. I get the impression that you very much do just think of him as a friend. That, if you did ask him out/accept him asking you out, it would just be because you are trying to convince yourself you should like him.

Just because he's a great guy, it doesn't automatically mean he's the right guy for you. If you just don't like him in that way, then don't waste his time or yours. If it comes up, make it clear that you really truly do like him, but only as a friend. Of course, understand that this may not be enough for him. It may result in losing him as a friend. Hopefully it won't, but that may wind up being what is best for you both.

Good luck!