Love - Why bother?

[eightsevenfour]

Hey everyone! I've thought about this and thought about it but I just can't come to any logical conclusion - why bother getting into romantic relationships at all, yet alone long-term, binding, monogamous ones? What's the point?
Also, can someone tell me what the heck romantic attraction feels like? Romantic love? What's it like to have a romantic crush? What's ''falling in love'' like???
Someone please help me understand what everyone is making such a big deal over?

[TheEvilJester]

That's a very subjective question. It used to be that my answer would absolutely be that it most definitely IS worth it. These days..... I'm just not so sure anymore. I'm not so sure love really exists. At least for me. A shame, really, because despite my crummy experiences in life, I've always been a romantic. Always believed in love. Always believed I was capable of great love if ever given the chance. These days, I just don't know anymore.

As far as how it all feels... I mean, that is also very subjective. It's also kind of hard to explain. All I can say is what it has meant to me. First off, to me "having a crush" and "falling in love" are entirely different things. Though I've always been (or at least until recently) a big romantic, I'm also very level-headed about it. In other words, I can have a HUGE crush on a gal and wish we could become a couple.... I can day dream about her just like anybody with a crush would, dreaming of us actually falling in love..... BUT I am still 100% aware of the fact that maybe she'd not turn out to be who I thought at all if I ever did get the chance to try.

Hard to explain, I guess. Even I don't really understand it myself. It's one of the few things I like about my experience in this regard because I kind of get the best of both worlds. I can enjoy the excitement and good feelings of having a crush..... but I'm also reasonable enough to realize it is just a crush and, unless I can actually ask the person out and the interest is reciprocated, it cannot/will not be real love.

For me, I guess it boils down to one major difference....

In my view, you can't really be "in love" unless it is actually reciprocated. Otherwise, you can have a pretty deep crush, but that doesn't make it love. Being in love is different for different people. My basic definition, personally, is that it is like finding somebody who feels like your better half. Finding somebody who makes you feel like you were missing something before you had them.... even if you didn't realize it. Finding somebody you can't imagine not having in your life. Somebody who makes you happy even just thinking about them. Somebody for whom you'd do almost anything, and in turn they'd do the same. Somebody you think of almost as part of yourself. To me personally, all of that requires that they also feel the same way.

The difference is, a crush is HOPING that maybe somebody can be all that. It's being attracted to somebody for whatever reason (be it physical attraction, or attracted to them as a person) and thinking "I'd like to ask this person out and find out if he/she could maybe be that somebody I've been looking for." It can still be really fun and exciting. It gives you somebody to focus that romantic attention on all the same, and that can feel really good. It's just a matter of understanding the difference. It's a matter of not letting that get too out of control without actually trying to act on it. In other words, it's not good to allow yourself to think you are actually so in love with somebody when you've not even been able to get up the nerve to talk to them, much less are you even dating.

All that said.... is it worth it? I don't know. These days, I just don't know anymore. I'm sort of not in a good place. As it sits right now, I have absolutely zero intention of ever trying. I just feel like I know my fate and I've finally accepted it. The monster doesn't get the happy ending. The freak doesn't get the girl. The thing is, if a girl that interested me suddenly asked me out tomorrow (because these days I have no motivation to ask myself).... knowing myself, I think I could easily turn that around. .....The sad thing is I'm not so sure I WANT to anymore. Sort of feels like part of me died. I don't know what is sadder, that I've lost that part of me or that, for the most part, I don't want it back.

Whatever. Blah blah blah. Didn't mean this to be so morose. Bascially, my point being I'm not so sure if I feel like there is any point in it FOR ME anymore..... but I definitely do think there is a point. I mean, love shouldn't be the ONLY important thing in the world to you, but without love, without the pursuit of love, I feel like you are missing a huge piece of the life experience. Who doesn't want to feel loved, to feel needed?