I don't know how I'm supposed to feel

[belbyrae]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating 8 months. We are both 25. He is an amazing person, treats me well and with respect, comes from a great family. He has everything I look for in a man. Last week he was on his family vacation and was gone for 9 days. I got on his phone yesterday(the day he got back) to send myself a picture we had taken together. This is not odd. We're very open with our phones. Well I noticed he had texted a girl I had never heard of before. In the text, he said "totally random but memorable enough for me to text you, I had a dream about you...it was sexual..." She then answers back "wait I'm sorry, who is this?!" He then tells her who he is and she said "oh hey! Why in the world would you have a dream about me, but now I get it. Ha. Well I'm glad it was good" then he said "''twas very interesting definitely notable enough to make me reach it to you" and she never replied. I know this isn't the worst thing in the world, and he has apologized. But also said it wasn't a big deal and acted like I should be as upset. I don't know how to feel, I'm very sad and it's not even all about the betrayal of him texting her, it's a lot about the sick feeling I have about how he obviously wanted to talk to her. And it's just discouraging and hurtful that he would want to contact another girl in that manner. I guess I'm just wondering if I'm crazy or if I should be upset. Also I don't know how to get over it. I wish I could just erase it from my mind

[melancholia]

You have two options: believe him and get over it and move on; or don't believe him and end the relationship. I think you need to trust your instincts on these kinds of things. Maybe it really wasn't meant to be taken seriously, but that is not an innocent text message. There's no way to know for sure what his intentions were by sending it, but clearly he's acting inappropriately with other women, and not hiding it well enough if you found it on his phone. In my experience, your gut instincts will always lead you in the right direction. Pay attention to what your feelings are telling you and do not try to talk yourself out of how you really feel, just to stay comfortable where you're at. It won't do you any favors to sweep this under the rug because you will either build resentment over time, or he will do it again; and both scenarios will ruin your relationship.

You can either choose to believe him and get over it, pick yourself up and move forward; or you can break up with him and move on... either way, you need to figure out what is best for yourself and then take the steps necessary to make that happen.

Sorry to hear you're sad. Best of luck to you!

[belbyrae]

Thank you. I really appreciate you me advice. I do believe him when he says he's sorry. He immediately apologized and said he hates that he's made me sad and it was a stupid thing to do. I'm just struggling with getting it out of my head. I'll have moments where I'm fine and I'm loving on him and what not and then it will pop up in my head again.

[melancholia]

That's normal. All the emotions you have are valid and normal. It sucks to read a message like that from your boyfriend to another woman, but if you trust him and if you believe he is sincere in both his apology, and feeling bad about it, then I think you should go with that. It will take some time for you to really get past this, but keep reminding yourself about all the positive things your relationship has, and focus on the good stuff. Eventually you will get over it and you will forget this ever happened.

[belbyrae]

You have been so helpful. Thank you. I will try to be positive and I know eventually this is something that will seem small later on down the road.

[TheEvilJester]

Like melancholia, I would agree that you have to do what feels right to you. However, I would also agree with her that, to me at least, this DOES seem wildly inappropriate. I don't know... maybe this is just me, but I cannot fathom why in the Hell he would feel the need to tell her about this.... especially since it was somebody he apparently barely talks to very often. He had to actually remind her who he was. Don't get me wrong. You can't help what happens in your dreams, and it often means nothing. For example, I've had romantic dreams about women I don't even like in the slightest (some even dislike). It doesn't mean I secretly actually want to be with them, nor does his dream about this gal necessarily mean he secretly wants to be with her. For me, those dreams honestly just reveal that I do really want love, and also serve to remind the waking me that I don't want to make the mistake of being so desperate to find that love that I just accept ANYBODY.

Anyway, bottom line, the dream itself probably meant nothing, but I don't quite get why he felt the need to actually share it with her. ....But, I readily admit maybe that is just me. I am kind of an old-fashioned, hold the door for a lady (not because I'm sexist and think she can't, but because it is polite/the right thing to do), one woman man kind of guy. So, maybe I'm just a little out of touch. Then again.... melancholia obviously found that inappropriate too.

Either way, I don't think I'd necessarily consider this one offense enough to say you should end it. MAYBE he is being honest and it was 100% innocent/he didn't mean to or realize it would seem hurtful to you. Frankly, if he is just a pig, then you will find that out soon enough anyway. Otherwise, if it was just a momentary lapse of judgment, then he should hopefully never provide you any further cause for concern. Good luck to you in whichever route you decide is best for you.