Should I pursue it?

[annalee]

Hello, I need some advice. I met this man 3 years ago. We got along instantly, I helped him through a depression and we became friends. Over time I came to realize that I really really care for him. He was in an on-again-off-again long distance relationship with a woman who was not very good to him and he often spoke to me about his doubts. once when we went out we were having a great time, we flirted a bit and he told me he wasn't ready for a new relationship because he didn't want to get into a rebound situation. We can talk on the phone for hours and he always makes me feel so good. I can call him anytime and he's always happy to hear from me. I always get off the phone and feel a certain glow from having spoken to him. I miss him when we don't speak but have recently pulled away because it hurts to speak to him or see him and know we're not together. Now he's broken it off with this woman for good. I will likely see him on new years eve and I want him to know how I feel, but I don't want to come across too strong and scare him away. Sorry this is long and a bit rambling, any insight would be much appreciated.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, I will say this is definitely one situation where it isn't necessarily as obvious as other times. In other words, he was still presently in a bit of a tumultuous relationship when you started having feelings for him. So, it is definitely understandable that he would still be hurting from that. So, I wouldn't necessarily jump to the conclusion that he was leading you on at all. I also wouldn't necessarily jump to the conclusion that this was a case of him not liking you as anything more than a friend and just wanting to let you down easily.

I mean, that certainly COULD still be the case.... but he actually WAS going through quite a bit of drama at the time, so he certainly very well could have just sincerely been too torn up to really think of anybody else that way at the time. So, I think this is one case where I would say you should at least give it a shot. I mean, maybe you don't do that just yet if he JUST finally broke it off with her once and for all. Maybe you give him some time to heal up from that first. Or, maybe you do just go ahead and talk to him about it now. That, I don't know. You'll have to do what feels right to you for your specific situation.

But, I do think at some point you should at least try. Even if for no other reason then the fact that it is better at least to know than to be left having to wonder. I mean, even if he was not interested in you in that way, at least it would be better knowing. Sure, it would suck, but then at least you can know and move on rather than to be basically keeping yourself in limbo wondering what could be and hoping for something more. On the other hand, maybe he IS/COULD BE interested in you as well, and if that is the case you might miss out if you don't try.

Add to that the fact that you've already been pondering keeping your distance anyway because it hurts too much to be around him only as a friend when you want more.... and honestly, what do you really have to lose? If he's not interested, you'd probably be better off distancing yourself anyway. Not that it is wrong of him if he doesn't feel the same way. You can't help who you do and don't like, so if that IS the case, it isn't like he's done anything wrong.... but you still need to care about yourself enough not to stay in a situation that only hurts you.

So, frankly it sounds to me like you'd be better off either way by at least giving it a try. Good luck! If it doesn't work out with this fella, though, it eventually WILL with somebody. So, as best you can, don't beat yourself up too much if it doesn't go well. Just means this guy wasn't right for you after all. But.... Hopefully you don't even have to find that out, because I hope it goes well. +

[pcmaster]

I would suggest to spend nights together in bed and watch movies. Then kiss and escalate. After few nights you could be comfortable having sex. Really think you should do little things than couples do. Life is short so eat dessert first. If you want to be his gf then act like you already are. Stay close to him and use situations where you can be together. Find those gaps. For example my sucsess with girls are mostly my warrior soul of not giving up.

Hes weak and unsure. Use his doubt and make him sure about you. Be a woman that he needs - be good to guy and do some things for him, say some nice words. A little love can go long way. Confess your feelings and he will respect you more for courage and look more serious at yiu.