Not living up to college-dating expectations

[anachronistic]

I am learning a lot; not just in class, either.

I've met a strange array of women: in the dorms, from class, and through other friends. I've only dated once since my college career began last Fall. She was really frisky and we sexed it every night. I haven't dated anyone since. I want to date again, I am attracted to women, but I think I am doing something wrong. Not sure what it is, not sure how to observe myself. I don't want to ask my lady friends their opinions, and I don't want to ask my buddies to hook me up; I just want to meet women on my own and date them.

I feel like it is some kind of race, or challenge that I am facing, and I am losing big-time. I feel so pressured because, you know, people say "oh, you're surrounded by women, now's the time to date" and all, I really want to date.

The other thing is that it's rare for me to be attracted to someone. I'm just beginning to understand the concept of beauty; maybe it hits some people earlier, but I've seen all kinds of women, and I'm not seeing any that make my pants get tighter; even if they are the kind that my buddies think are extremely hot.

What causes these kinds of problems?

[vashti]

Why don't you want to ask a close female friend to give you advice? they are probably in the best position to know what the problem is (if there is one). Otherwise, you could ask a couple of these girls you used to date.

[Gigabitch]

Why don't you start by figuring out just what does make your pants get tighter, and go from there. Maybe those qualities are rare.

[anachronistic]

I really don't have a female friend that close. I've changed quite a bit since the last girl I dated, and plus, I really don't get along with any of those girls anymore. I've burnt bridges.

Last night I was in the commons with a friend, and I saw a girl standing behind us in the line. She looked like a librarian type and I thought she was cute, but it would have been awkward had I took the opportunity to introduce myself.

[Illusional]

it's the common male nature to want to spread his seed.

raverboy

[lastwish]

She looked like a librarian type and I thought she was cute, but it would have been awkward had I took the opportunity to introduce myself.

It would have made her day if you did introduce yourself.

[anachronistic]

The thing is, I wouldn't know where to take it. What do I do? Invite her to sit with my friends and I?

[GrkScorp]

The other thing is that it's rare for me to be attracted to someone. I'm just beginning to understand the concept of beauty; maybe it hits some people earlier, but I've seen all kinds of women, and I'm not seeing any that make my pants get tighter; even if they are the kind that my buddies think are extremely hot.

What causes these kinds of problems?

Lots of sex.. seriously..

There's a term that baffled me.. "sexually immature".. at first I thought it ment doing something weird while having sex.. like putting your arm out like Spiderman when he's shooting his web.. just as you're about to cum.. "web-shot.. all over your face"

But then I realized.. this can't be it.. because I still do that.. and I haven't been called sexually immature for years..

Instead.. it's when your goal as a guy.. is to just have sex with the hottest piece of @ss that's walking around.. that's sexually immature.. because if you have enough sex.. you know that:

(1). It's not that great
(2). What else is there?

The second question is a big one.. try being in a relationship with someone who you only feel a connection to because of sex.. and actually.. not even because of sex.. because they suck at it.. but just the way they looked.. (yes, past tense.. because looks fade, more quickly than you'd think).. You can't do it.. it's impossible..

You need to be satisfied on so many different levels.. that looks alone.. or sex alone.. just doesn't even begin to cut it.. You have in effect, expanded your expectations.. your demands.. your wants.. and your needs.. and you are now looking for a partner who will be able to meet all of those.. and satisfy all of those..

So perhaps your friends are still (and maybe will always stay) sexually immature.. so when they look at that "really hot" girl go by.. they don't understand how you don't like her!

But when you look at that really hot girl go by.. all you see are missing pieces.. you see only one very limited way she could satisfy you.. but you're largely aware of the reality of being locked into a relationship with a person that could only satisfy you in a limited capacity.. And when you look at it that way.. this (10) is not really that attractive.. she's not really a 10 on the overall-scale..

For me.. when I see a woman who's assetive, aggressive, not a push-over, focused, sharp, and on her way to reaching her goals.. I'm attracted.. Then again.. when I see a girl who's nice, sweet, funny, happy, playful, open, honest, considerate, genuine, supportive, motivational, positive, relaxed, comfortable with herself, secure but just not fully aware of herself yet.. that also does it for me aswell.. And that's because those qualities entail something for me.. in the larger picture.. I want a strong woman next to me.. one who's not a pushover.. what good is it as couple if only one of us isn't a pushover? But also.. I want a woman who's a woman.. lady-like.. all these things.. the list goes on and on and on and on.. But the point is.. there are personal needs, that need to be satisfied.. and in the grand scheme of things.. looks & sex account for less than 1% of those needs.. (I have a computer, I know how to work it better, I can do it myself, plus I can enjoy all the variety I want)..

So then WHY even bother? Because in the end.. You have come to realize.. that it's really important for you to be able to feel that strong love and connection for that other person.. and that's not possible if all she has to offer are her looks and sex.. If that's all she can offer you.. then there's a saying my little brother found online, that applies.. "Girlfriends are for losers who can't download P0rn"..

But you're not looking to date a pornstar-bimbo (10-knockout) who will milk the sperm right out of you.. You can do that yourself.. with no drama, emotional baggage, less time, less effort, and cheaper..

You want a perfect compliment.. and YES.. they're very VERY hard to find.. You can meet a girl and she can say the smallest thing, "You're from Greece? Really! Wow! I love Italian men.." and it can automatically disqualify her.. And because your standards are so high (that's not a bad thing).. it's obviously much harder for you to feel that attraction to just anyone.. and it can even baffle your friends when you see (10's) go by and not feel it for them..

Because you can actually look deeper into a woman.. and extract more valuable information about her character.. it's a strange "male intuition".. where you just know that this is a person that's your type.. She's not that good looking.. but there's "something" about her that just drives you crazy.. And you want to know what that something is..

I feel you lilwing.. Don't worry about it.. it's perfectly normal.. The only "problem" is.. getting to this point a little too early in your male career.. I think waking up one day and being 33, and realizing.. "hey, there's more to women than just looks and sex" is the most perfect thing that can happen.. Because it's not like you're going to get married before that anyway.. So again.. What's the point? If you're in college, and you're letting that 10 walk away because you're not attracted to her.. that's something you're going to be regretting later in your 40's and 50's when you come back home and take a look at the sex-life you're limited to.. and would rather watch sports.. and not be able to recall better sex in your youth.. You'd much rather be able to look at your wife and think to yourself.. "it doesn't fcukn matter.. i've had sex with great-looking girls in the past.. i've had girls do all sorts of things to me back in my younger days.. those needs have already been satisfied.. so i'm not disappointed when I look at my wife.. I love my wife.. this isn't the woman I picked to have sex with.. this is the woman I picked to spend the rest of my life with.. because I love her.. I love my wife.. so much so that i'm feeling a love overload.. I love her so much I just want to have sex with her.. no matter how she looks".. You don't want to be the guy who thinks back to all those 10's you could have had, but let them get away.. come back home to your wife.. have that part of your life unsatisfied (and a wife that can't satisfy that part of your life now).. and be the guy who looks at a younger, hotter, etc.. 10 to satisfy that.. It's a mess.. you don't want to be that guy.. years from now.. So think ahead.. do it for your wife.. do it for your kids.. do it for yourself..

Best,

GrkScorp

[lastwish]

The thing is, I wouldn't know where to take it. What do I do? Invite her to sit with my friends and I?

There is actually a trick that this guy did to me once. Tell her that you are new in town and is trying to make new friends this year (you can lie). Ask her if its ok that you have her email.