Taking it out on me?

[malurb]

I have been in a committed relationship with this guy for a while now. He lives in Europe and we met when he was on a business trip here. I've been to visit him twice (I stayed for a month once), spent these past holidays with him and his family, etc. He comes back about once every two months so we haven't ever really gone a month without seeing each other. Basically I have no doubt the relationship is real.

Here's the thing though, he's moving here to work permanently in a week and a half. He always knew he was going to, even before he met me. But since last week when it was finally confirmed, he's been awful and we're fighting basically every day now because I'm not "giving him enough space" and "stressing him out". I know it's super short notice and part of it is my fault- he's having to say good bye to his family and friends and he doesn't know when he'll be able to go back and me constantly asking how things are going and telling him how excited I am just remind him of that.

But when the fights are over he doesn't try as hard to make it right, he doesn't tell me he loves me but once or twice a day and usually when I say it first (according to him I say it too much). He's never been good at expressing his emotions, I just feel like he's taking all his stress and sadness out on me when I'm the one he should be leaning on for support. We plan on living together when he moves, I'm scared he'll unconsciously resent me for being here when his whole life was over there.

We barely even talk anymore, just casual conversation spread through hours and he doesn't call me before he goes to sleep like we always did before. He's not trying as much as he used to, and I know he's got so many things to do before he moves, I'm just scared that he sees me as a burden and that maybe he'd be better off without me.

I know relationships change and evolve and we definitely do not have the same one we started out with, and I know a lot of the fear is just in my head, but I don't want to lose him, he really is the love of my life and I feel like he's pushing me away/ I'm pushing him away. I'm doing my best to give him space and be patient with him and his mood swings, but the whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing keeps ringing in my head- I don't want him to forget that I'm here waiting and I'm here if he needs me.

I just need advice on how to deal with this, the next week and a half are going to drag on forever.

[Wakeup]

He "doesn't tell you he loves you but for once or twice a day?" Jezuzzzz, you are needy and annoying. Sorry, but you better learn to self-sooth or you're going to annoy him right out of your life. He's got lots going on his plate right now and you bugging him every five minutes because he's not paying you attention 24/7 is only going to show him that you're going to be some high-maintenance diva whose only reason for living is him. That's one unwanted burden that most men who are not codependent pussies do not want to take on.

Do you have friends? Family? Hobbies? If you do I suggest that you get being with them and doing those hobbies so that you keep busy and leave him alone. If he loves you then he'll be in contact with you when he's not stressed out. If he doesn't love you then you being a needy twit isn't going to change his mind so chillax and let him move away from his friends and family without having the added worry of you being non-independent and a potential future burden.

Harsh...yes, but you don't need to be coddled right now but rather woken up to what you're doing to yourself and potentially this relationship.

the next week and a half are going to drag on forever.

However did you cope while waiting for Santa Clause to come?
Its like 7 or so sleeps... you'll be just fine.

[woody]

You were the girl across the sea's who came for visits now and then. Now your becoming real. And though you and he may have sparks and a connection, he's moving there now, has allot to do and perhaps he's concerned your moving too fast, getting too involved.
Pull back. Show some confidence and self restraint. Show him that you have your life where you want it, are doing just fine without him in it full time but if he wants to spend time, you'll make some for him.

We women often get so wrapped up in our idea's of a true romance we forget we're dealing with a human being; a human man being. Everyone needs space. He needs to know that he's not your be all, end all. To put everything on him will cause a strain that most would be unwilling to endure.
Prove to him that your a confident, together female that he should be so lucky to spend time with. Not a clingy, obsessive young girl that relies on him for everything. Most men don't respond well to that. Most women don't either.

Take things in stride; get on with what you do in your own life and know thy self worth
Pull back a little and I assure you, he'll come knocking.

[basilandthyme]

He tells you that he loves you once or twice a day. In a week and a half he's moving near to you and you'll be able to have a proper relationship soon. What a lucky girl you are!