I have been with my bf for three years now. The relationship has had its ups and downs but we have come a long way. Recently I have been thinking more about marriage and how it would be married to my bf. I feel we still have some issues we need to address but the problem is whenever I try to talk about anything to him he gets very defensive and tells me he gets it and to stop repeating myself because he knows already. When I try to tell him about it he gets mad and says i am calling him names and that he gets it that I want to be with someone else. I get upset so I drop the issue but I bottle it up inside because I can never say what I want to say to the fullest without him just telling me he already gets it and knows. I never call him names or say anything regarding being with another person. I try to voice my concerns but he interprets it as me attacking him. We have revisited this issue time and time again I have read endless articles on how to talk to a person and not to point fingers and so on and I have told him so many times about how i feel about me not being able to talk about my concerns. It is so frustrating and I am lost at what I should do about it at this point.
Lately it has bothered me how we are 24 and I currently am working on my career and have goals set for myself and for our future. He has no realistic goals, he dropped out of college and a few months ago quit his job to go on unemployment because he was tired of working manual labor jobs and said he wanted to find something better because his back has started bothering him and he was worried about the toxic substances around him. I fully supported his choice and tried helping him look for schools or jobs whatever he wanted. In the past few months though he has not looked up any jobs or schools. Nothing. He just sits at home and is letting time and opportunities pass him by. His mother found him a job doing manual labor for cash and he took it a few weeks ago. Now he found a job doing more manual labor and for way less money then he was making before. It upset me when I found out because it went against everything he said, and he made no effort to do anything, his mom was the one searching for these jobs and even set up the interviews! Plus he could go be a cashier somewhere for the same money but he refuses to do that. he didnt even look once on his own for a job. He has great work ethic but it is dangerous working at jobs like he is at, he isnt even part of a union, has no benefits, and that his mom is looking for these jobs upsets me too it makes me feel like he is still a child. It makes me doubt our future because I want security and someone who is responsible.
Not sure what to do, it sucks because I feel there are so many ways to fix and work on my concerns before marriage but I can never tell him because if I say I have doubts about marriage he interprets it as me wanting other people and the whole conversations turns into me having to prove to him that I dont want other people and then I never get to say what I want to. Lol sorry a bit frustrated...