Afriad she will leave me or never love me the same way again.

[Thedeeponion]

My girlfriend and I are relatively young, we are both 18 and have been together for 7 months now, but I am afraid the relationship may come to an end. I have not been with many girls before her and to be honest this was my longest relationship, and I am her first real boyfriend. I think at times I got too concerned with things she said or not trusting her and getting upset for no reason simply because I wanted to “win” or try to have her give in and admit I was right in an argument, and this selfish feeling got so bad that I almost broke up with her twice.. I never truly intended to leave her, I just wanted her to admit I was right.. and that was such a terrible and stupid thing to do I know out of anger and arrogance. But through all those words I never stopped loving her, my love never wavered. but lately after the second time we almost broke up she has been drifting away from me, we barely talk at home and in public she seems more happy with friends or makes no effort to go out with me. when I tried to speak to her about it we both apologized for everything but she still said her love has been growing weaker ever since i almost broke up with her and that her heart is closing. One day i tried to speak to hear and she started breaking up with me over a phone message while crying saying she doesn’t know if there is anything left. she kept saying she doesn’t want to leave me but she is tired of relationships at the same time and both of those feelings are equal for her. I apologized once more and begged her to give it another try for at least a month and told her i would change my attitude to let her do as she pleases and accept and love all her flaws like the first month we were together and she accepted, a bit unwillingly i must admit, saying part of her doesn’t want to leave me. but those words of hers are so strong and i am afraid she will not regain her former love for me after the month or a while and she will end up leaving me for good. i am confused and unsure what i should do now. please give any advice and thank you

[Wakeup]

and told her i would change my attitude to let her do as she pleases

What does this exactly mean "DeepOnion?"

Were you trying to control her she had as friends or when she went out with them and wear?

If that's the case then you would do well to show her that you're willing to change by getting yourself some counseling so that you learn to trust and self-sooth when you're not getting your own way. Control issues need to be worked on. You just can't say "I'll change" and then do nothing to facilitate that change.

If you don't want to do counselling then the least you can do is search the internet for ways to help you with this (or any other obsessive actions/thoughts you had/have while with her).

Perhaps if she sees that you're actually doing something tangible to change, she may be able to trust that you'll not revert back to your old self. Even if she doesn't want to keep this relationship going and wants to break up after this 'trial period' do some self-improvement work for YOU because no matter who you are with, you're going to keep running into the same problem if you don't work toward change.

Remember this: If you break up for good it will hurt but you will get over that hurt in time. If you work towards being the best you that you can be, then that time will be cut short and you'll heal all that much faster so try your best not to be scared about that.

[Thedeeponion]

thank you for your advice Wakeup and,
Yes that is a more or less what it was. I realize I was being controlling or possessive of her and untrusting, because in my past relationships all other girls either left or cheated on me and I lacked self confidence to think someone amazing like her would be different. But now I see my faults and am willing to do what it takes to change that attitude.

[smackie9]

Your very actions were the demise of your previous relationship and most likely this one. No one likes to be treated like crap so you are making them push away from you. Controlling your jealous, and insecurity comes with experience and maturity. You are young, these feelings and responses are normal, because your adolescent brain is still developing. You have a tough road ahead of you to learn how to stop these impulses.

The first thing you need to do is to tell her to tell you when you are being out of line. Once she gives you whatever "word" or signal she gives you, turn and walk away and count to 30, taking deep slow release breaths. With practice this should help you to over ride these impulses. Basically what you are doing is retraining your brain. Give it a try. Just remember she has to work with you on this, you can't do this alone, she's the one that has been exposed to your behavior. Don't expect miracles over night. This can take weeks or even months. Even if things don't work out with her, don't stop the exercise. Keep using it when you feel yourself wanting to argue or fight.