Not ready for a relationship.

[juraiknight]

Hello ladies of the internet. I have a question for you, and would greatly appreciate some honest input. I have this friend I've known since high school that I liked, but never acted on because I was too shy back then. We've remained in contact for the most part since then. Fast forward 10 years later and we start talking again after a hiatus from contact for an unknown reason. We started spending more and more time together, and it eventually developed into a "let's take it slow" kind of relationship because of her past two relationships, one of which being a crumbling of a marriage a while back. After seeing each other for a few weeks, she said that we were official. She leads a very busy life; two kids, a job on the weekends, and school on the weekdays. We set up a schedule to see each other about every other day, and spend the night on Sundays. This remained constant for a bit, but eventually she said we needed to cut it back a bit due to her busy life, which I understood. I knew going into this that there would be lots of sacrifices like this that needed to be made, and I was willing to make them. So, one day she tells me that she's going into a panic because she feels she doesn't know where she's going or what she's doing in her life, and all this anxiety is making her second guess herself on her ability to be in a relationship. So, she requested we take things back a bit until she's stable enough in her life to be in a relationship, which again, I understood. Which brings us to present circumstances.

We've talked here and there about our feelings towards the situation since then. We're both afraid of loosing each other, we both don't know how to act, she feels like she needs to do this to save the relationship, and I can't stand to be in limbo. I honestly don't know what to do, because deep down in side I feel like when someone says "I'm not ready for a relationship", most of the time it's because they're not really feeling you anymore, and their about 3 months away from sealing the deal with someone else. I don't really think it's the case here, but I feel that panic that comes with thoughts like that. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells here, not knowing where the fine line is between giving her too much space so that she looses interest or something, or giving her too much attention so that she may realize she values my friendship more than anything, which I've stated that I won't settle for. Maybe I'm over thinking it? But it feels like as days go by, we talk less than what we used to on a daily basis.

[dontaskme]

You've become her male GF. It's either she's ready for a relationship or not, anything in between is just BS on her part. Tell her as it is, if she's not ready for a relationship, stop stringing you along, then dump her and find someone else without the emotional baggage. BTW, stop going out with anyone who hasn't gotten over their garbage baggage. Their usually bad news in a relationship.

[juraiknight]

Hmm....I see....I really wanted this to work out

[basilandthyme]

I'd suggest you share your fears with her. Tell her what you told us. Your concerns are all very valid and she needs to know how you feel.

[juraiknight]

I might do that. We are hanging out this weekend, so maybe that's the time to do it, eh?

[Wakeup]

... AND don't settle for less then what you want with her. If she's not ready to be in a relationship then she shouldn't try to keep you hooked while she dicks about trying to get herself in order.

Frankly... I wonder about her value as a true LIFEmate? She seems to have a pattern of not being able to get it together. Why is that? Do you know? If you don't you'd be looking after your own best interests to find out.

Good luck.... talk to her with enough self love to be able to hear positive things that are actual from things you want to hear that will keep you mired in HER indecision.

[SDelight]

Agreed with the points of 'Wakeup' and 'BasilandThyme'.

[juraiknight]

Thanks a million ladies, you've been a great help in aiding yet another confused dude!