She's not ready for a relationship

[Randy101]

I had a writing class with the girl, Michelle, last fall. But we weren't friends. I'm about to graduate with my bachelors and I'd never seen her before last semester. There were no hellos nor goodbyes. We sat a great distance apart from each other in the classroom so I didnt really have much of a chance to chat with her during class (outside of our open discussion critiques) -- and usually afterwards she'd just take off.

Then the last day of the semester came. The professor asked that we participate in one final exercise. He told us to go sit next to someone we hadn't sat next to all semester. Well, shit. This was my chance. I got up and sat right next to Michelle.

The exercise was to look at and draw each other. We exchanged the drawings and laughed at them. There was a moral behind the exercise - but that's irrelevant.

Well, class was dismissed. And as I was putting away my stuff, Michelle scrawed her phone number on her drawing of me. She handed me the paper and said "I love the way you write". I was in! So i gave her my number and we said goodbye.

In the mean time, I was unwinding from the end of the term, and starting to write a new piece of music (more on this later)

A week later I called her and asked her out to dinner. We went to a Fridays and had a nice time. She was more talkative than I was (I admit I'm usually a bit reserved). She suggested we see a movie. It was a fun night, but I didn't put any moves on her in the theater. On the next date, I'd try and get a little more physical. After the movie, we went our separate ways and I gave her a kiss on the cheek.
On the drive home, I was thinking about her. I really enjoyed who she was - she was unlike so many other girls I knew - tough, witty, , artsy, musically inclined, and a great sense of humor. She's 4 years my junior (I'm 25), but so mature for her age. When I got home I got a text from her, asking if I got home safe. She said 'thanks for the lovely evening'. This was my kinda girl.

Mind you, this was holiday season, so It'd be hard to get together with her again anytime soon. I was going away with some family for the weekend before Christmas. On Christmas Eve, I sent her a little text. But I was already planning ahead- there was a comedy show coming up the following weekend, so I asked her to the show - but she'd have to let me know later because of other potential plans. She ultimately declined to go to the show, and I wouldn't hear from her again for a few days.
New Year's Eve was spent with some friends. I got a text from her wishing me a safe and happy new year. She was spending it with family - and we continued texting through the night, on and off. I passed out and woke up the next morning to find a text from her around 4AM saying she was just heading home.
Later that night she asked if I wanted to chat online - so we did for a few hours and we set another date - another movie.
We met up a little earlier and just wandered around and talked - tonight was the night I was gonna try and move forward. Then all of a sudden, her ex came up in conversation…and this kind of bugged me for the rest of the evening. She sounded bitter about him - something was odd. She asked me if I ever felt like this when seeing an ex. Well, I told her the truth. I've been single for 3 years now. My ex and I have settled all differences and we respect each other. She asked why I've been single for so long. Well, truth was I just couldn't commit again until I felt ready. And I needed time. I've been ready for some time now.
We went into the movie theater and I don't know why but I wimped out. I wanted to reach over and hold her hand or something -- but the ex boyfriend thing just bugged me.
After that night, I wouldn't hear from her again for a week or so. At the art district there was a play going on and the following evening there was the art walk (a casual walking tour through open art galleries). I called her up and asked her if she was free for the weekend - I was thinking go see the play Friday night, and the art walk saturday night. She playfully called me greedy but agreed. Looking back, I probably seemed a little too eager here.
Well, no more than an hour later do I get a call back from her..and she tells me that we needed to talk. Which of course is never something you want to hear….she tells me that she realized she is not ready for a relationship and didn't want to lead me on. Well, I had to ask, i don't know why, maybe just for reassurance that it just wasn't all in my head, and I asked her "but was there any interest?"
and she assured me that there was, that she really enjoyed spending time with me.

So her story in a nutshell is that her exboyfriend of 3 years broke up with her around June 2012. And that although (in her words) she was done crying over him, she just wasn't ready to commit to another relationship. She told me she had tested the waters with a couple of guys after him (I guess I'd be the third guy). But she just wasn't ready.

I asked her about the plans for the weekend and she was still cool about hanging out.
And that was that. You know that feeling you get when you want something you can't have. I felt a surge of that.

I was real bummed out the following day which just so happened to be the first day of the spring semester. Had one class in the morning, internship in the afternoon, and another class in the evening - and as I walked to my last class, Michelle just so happened to be present across the hall (she had another class at the same time). I saw her but she didn't see me. I wasn't gonna stick around and just wandered into my class.
When I got home later that night, I wanted to clear my head. The music I was working on was coming together. I might as well put all my energy into that. Well…as soon as Im about to get started, I get a phone call…it's Michelle. This is a surprise. She called me to tell me about her first day of class…and she seemed quite eager to talk…and so we did….for an hour, then 2 hours..then 4 hours..till we were both in bed and i said to her 'you should go to sleep'…her response - 'ill go to sleep when i wanna go to sleep'. it was cute. sweet. Odd. What was going on in her mind? Just the night before, she had told me she didn't want a relationship, and now she's calling me and chatting for hours on end?
That weekend we skipped the play cuz we heard it sucked, so we agreed to still go to the art walk. Only thing is, the parking situation was difficult and she didn't quite know how to get to the art district. I asked if she wanted me to pick her up from her house and so I did. And we had a wonderful time.
When I got home later that night, I called her up. And she asks me whats on my mind. I told her that I'd like things to progress between us, and that i found her really attractive. But I wanted to know what was on her mind….and she just said 'I can't give you a time'. She suggested that I move on, even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear. and we talked about this for a little bit..but what could I do but respect her boundaries. That was that. The subject was changed, we stayed on the phone for at least another hour..just chatting, before she decided to go to bed.
After that night, we wouldn't hang out again. We became somewhat distant. I still saw her once a week at school, and she was always friendly towards me, but outside of class, interaction was minimal.
Then one day I get a text from her - she asks me if I'd like to work on a script with her (for her thesis class). Eh, what could be the harm. I told her yes and she appreciated that I'd help. But I told her not to worry about the script till summer (she has plenty of time). We were talking a little more again. This was a month after she told me to move on. I just completed my piece of music. And I wanted to share it with the world. Well, Michelle, being a musician herself, seemed like someone who would appreciate my work.
At school, I came up to her and we talked a bit, and I gave her a CD with the track I had made. I told her to listen to it on her ride home from school. Later that night, she called me. She was stunned by the music I'd made. She absolutely loved it. We talked again until she went to bed and she mentioned what had been on my mind - "we haven't hung out in a while" - she seemed eager to spend time with me - it was so clear in her voice. But our schedules would hardly permit.
We were friends. That much was clear. Over the next month, I offered to help on a video shoot she had to do for class and she accepted. We had never worked together on a set before, but we worked very well. When we finished, she said she'd never felt so relaxed on a set and said it was because of me. Which put a smile on my face.
Well, with the end of the term coming, I'm about to graduate. Then I'm leaving the country for 2 weeks with family. Still, we hadn't hung out, just the 2 of us, since January…its now April. Screw it. I called her up and asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. She said yes. And we got to the movies a couple hours before so we could get something to eat. Well, I was thinking to myself - I'm not gonna pay for her. We're not on a date. We went to get the movie tickets first. And we both went up to the window and I pulled out my card…and she didn't stop me, so I paid for both tickets. Okay? Well, we went down to a buffalo wild wings and we sat at the bar, shared a pitcher of beer, and shared a platter of food. and we talked and we had fun….but I sometimes got the feeling that she was preoccupied with something (maybe its just in my head). When I requested the check, she offered to pay since I got the tickets. So I let her pay.
In the movie theater, we had a good time. I thought back to a few months before - wanting to reach over and grab her hand or something. But I didn't dare because I felt it wouldve been inappropriate. I had that chance and blew it in the beginning. I wasn't going to violate the boundaries she set for me.
After the movie, I asked her if she wanted to hang out sometime later this week before I leave town. She gave me a maybe, but nothing's certain.
Anyway, that's where I'm at. I like this girl. I really do. I know there is no guarantee that anything will ever happen with her. And I'm just living my life. But a part of me is still hoping that some day she'll turn around and give me that chance.
Anyway, what do you think? Thanks for reading.

[michelle23]

right now you are putting yourself deeper and deeper in the friends zone. stop being so passive and go after what you want. i think she likes you but shes just afraid to get hurt. you need to put yourself out there. stop fearing rejection and just go for it.

tell her how you feel, ask her does she see herself dating you and if yes-get a date and KISS her! if no cut all contsctcwith her and tell her your sorry but you cant be friends coz you have feelings for her.

you have nothing to lose here so stop wasting time and just get it over with

good luck

[lamobatsman]

micheele ur rong. shes not interested shes already said and has put her boundaries there

[HeheMan]

"Not ready for a relationship" is a load of garbage. Can't tell you how many times I've heard women say that to a guy only to start up with some bloke like a week later.

Basically she's not interested in you, but doesn't have the testicular fortitude to say so because that would ruin her chances of stuffing you into her collection of friends. That's all there is to it.

[lamobatsman]

drop her and never speak to her again. find new girls

[Boisdevie]

Not ready for a relationship = Not ready for a relationship with YOU. But being with you helps to pass the time in an OK kind of way. But don't think you're ever going to get your hand down my pants.

[michelle23]

Why does she keep contacting him and chatting for hours on the phone?

She wants him to persue her but like a man-not a flipping tampon.

He had his chance to make a move-TWICE and chickened out. Shes thinking "whats the deal, this guy likes me, asked me on a date but didnt even try to hold my hand or kiss me at the end of the night"?

We dont like men who are too passive but then again we dont like men who are too forward either lol.

Anyway you have been pussyfooting around her for long enough. You might as well give it one more shot and see what happens.. Like I said you have nothing to lose and I guessing you dont want to be her gay best friend so once you no for sure shes not interested you can forget her and get on with your life.

[HeheMan]

No point trying to decipher any fickle woman unless she's putting in her 50%. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

[lamobatsman]

[QUOTE=michelle23;897861]Why does she keep contacting him and chatting for hours on the phone?

are you serious michelle??!!!

haha finally know u understand how us guys feel?! we have this question all the time.

do you know how many girls do this?! and we stupid guys think they are interested in us?!
if you can answer that question for us you would solve most of our problems

[lamobatsman]

just for peoples information- i spent a few years at university and probabaly about at least half of the girls i liked were like this- attention seekers and wasting my time. i wanted to ask them why you keep contacting me and spending hours on the phone with me and picking up my calls.

one girl said cos i like talking to you. but when it came to meeting up always full of excuses lol