He tends to compare himself and his status in life with his friends (is that a male thing?),
Actually I see it much more in women. IME women are much more affected by social pressures. However you may not notice it since you do not appear that way, and you probably hang out with women who are more like you.
that if it was meant to be, then it would be, but he’s having doubts about that...
I’m actually not going to say that these things were peculiar to me, because I really feel that this is a rather naïve, if not juvenile, way to view relationships.
Well, you're both right. I didn't used to believe in love at first sight. My first marriage failed and I got a divorce. I started dating again, and was about ready to give up, but then I found a girl, who was going to be my last date before I gave up. When we went on our first date, I knew there was something special about her, but I couldn't figure out what. It turns out we are a perfect match and we are getting married soon.
So, there CAN be a feeling of "there is something different about this person", but IMO it MUST be confirmed with facts about compatibility. I never trust my feelings only on such a huge decision. I was financially ruined by my first divorce. I can't let that happen again. It doesn't matter how much you love each other, if you're not compatible in the major 3 areas: sex, money, kids, you will fight over these things and want to kill each other.
There are also more complicated issues of divorce law that make many men never want to get married also. I don't blame them. Marriage is the leading cause of divorce. You can, and I did, lose everything. That's the reality of marriage and divorce these days and with a 50-60% divorce rate, a man has to think about that.
Your bf may feel pressured to keep up with his friends, but he may not be ready for marriage yet. He needs to stop pressuring himself, you can help him by telling him to stop pressuring himself.
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He tends to compare himself and his status in life with his friends (is that a male thing?),
Actually I see it much more in women. IME women are much more affected by social pressures. However you may not notice it since you do not appear that way, and you probably hang out with women who are more like you.
that if it was meant to be, then it would be, but he’s having doubts about that...
I’m actually not going to say that these things were peculiar to me, because I really feel that this is a rather naïve, if not juvenile, way to view relationships.
Well, you're both right. I didn't used to believe in love at first sight. My first marriage failed and I got a divorce. I started dating again, and was about ready to give up, but then I found a girl, who was going to be my last date before I gave up. When we went on our first date, I knew there was something special about her, but I couldn't figure out what. It turns out we are a perfect match and we are getting married soon.
So, there CAN be a feeling of "there is something different about this person", but IMO it MUST be confirmed with facts about compatibility. I never trust my feelings only on such a huge decision. I was financially ruined by my first divorce. I can't let that happen again. It doesn't matter how much you love each other, if you're not compatible in the major 3 areas: sex, money, kids, you will fight over these things and want to kill each other.
There are also more complicated issues of divorce law that make many men never want to get married also. I don't blame them. Marriage is the leading cause of divorce. You can, and I did, lose everything. That's the reality of marriage and divorce these days and with a 50-60% divorce rate, a man has to think about whether marriage is even worth the risk for him at all.
Your bf may feel pressured to keep up with his friends, but he may not be ready for marriage yet. He needs to stop pressuring himself, you can help him by telling him to stop pressuring himself.
I have a long time interest in psychology, specializing in relationship dynamics for 30 years.
(Please note, we give the best advice we can based on the information given in a post. For better advice, please include the age of all romantic partners.)