Need Help Processing Her Motive of contacting me after she broke my heart.

[onthemend76]

I came across this forum due to being broken hearted by the hands of what I thought was someone to love. Here is the scenario. Hope i can get some advice.

I was in a whatevership with a girl, 28, and I am 38. We both have children the same age, 10. We progressed in this relationship with very good vibes. Became intimate often after 1 month. As this progressed she never really would express her feelings verbally. However, her actions said she cared about me. She had a friend come out of a relationship and I could tell she giving her a lot of attention in lew of me. No problem, but then out of the blue she says she not being fair to me by not giving me 100%. I said my piece and told her good luck in life.

I started NO CONTACT from that point on. Legit no contact. I was proud of myself as we have touched on this before and of course I would cave in cause I didn't want to lose her. So, fast forward to day 21 of this hard no contact and this happens.

She is not one to talk about her feelings. So her first message to me, day 21, was she really wanted the children to get together and play sometime, but the children go to the same school and play with each other all the time. My question is could she possibly just be using this " playdate" to get closer to me since I have not been contacting her?

That is only correspondence and I told her sure that would be fine. I just don't want to be a safety net. Would love her to just tell me she has been silly and would like to make us work. Just hope I know.

She has still not contacted me since this initial contact at day 21. I started NO contact again and it is day 20 right now.
I just know in my heart that I have poured my heart out and she knows how i feel. I have not had a lot of reciprocation on her end. I have been a little needy, and I say that loosely when we have had the Dtr and she wanted to keep me around. I have not done that this time, so maybe it has made her think. She told me at break up that she didn't know the future, but I was what she was looking for, but she wished I had came along later. She just got out of a long term, 2 year, relationship. I swear I was nothing but sweet. She even called me the most amazing man she has ever been involved with. I feel non delusional in that she really has feelings for me, but at 28 she just wasnt ready. I really care about her, but I am trying like crazy and proud that I have regained some dignity by not contacting her. I have even unfollowed her on Facebook, and not looked at her profile one time. I swear. Is there any hope for a change of heart. Just be nice for my hope she will complete a good love story by making it known she has had a change of heart. Living on a prayer.

Thanks for any input or advice.

[basilandthyme]

I can't guess at why she contacted you then - but as she hasn't done so since, I doubt she's trying to rekindle anything. And if she was looking at rekindling, then it's a very half arsed attempt on her part.

If she does something unfathomable again, it's OK to ask why she's doing it. And it's OK to be blunt about it. After all, she's the one who ended it. If ever does want to try again, don't let her trickle back into your life via playdates. You should accept nothing less than an apology and a bit of effort on her part to regain your trust and show her enthusiasm.

[onthemend76]

I can't guess at why she contacted you then - but as she hasn't done so since, I doubt she's trying to rekindle anything. And if she was looking at rekindling, then it's a very half arsed attempt on her part.

If she does something unfathomable again, it's OK to ask why she's doing it. And it's OK to be blunt about it. After all, she's the one who ended it. If ever does want to try again, don't let her trickle back into your life via playdates. You should accept nothing less than an apology and a bit of effort on her part to regain your trust and show her enthusiasm.

This is some new information. Thoughts. I appreciate your comments. I mean this girl does not express herself and I carried all the emotion in the relationship. She even said boys text girls firs, so I was surprised she sent that lame request. With no follow up it makes me feel as though it was an attempt to just see me.
Here is the update from today.

I was picking my son up late from school at an after school program, and In which her son does not attend. I was the only vehicle in a lot and she drove through and basically, well not basically, Stone Cold ignored me with not even a wave, a smile, A flip of the finger or anything remotely close to cordial. I feel as though she is trying to get me to respond in any type of way to start contact with me. is this a reasonable assumption? I could understand her ignoring me if I was being needy or blowing up her phone. it is all just very confusing. thoughts?

[basilandthyme]

Stone Cold ignored me with not even a wave, a smile, A flip of the finger or anything remotely close to cordial. I feel as though she is trying to get me to respond in any type of way to start contact with me. is this a reasonable assumption?

Sorry, the only reasonable assumption one could make from her behaviour is that she's an ill mannered bitch.

She dumped you! It's not your job to crawl back into her life. If she ever does want to have you back, then she now owes you TWO apologies. One for dumping you and one for being such a bitch to you in the carpark.

That being said, I'm going to play devil's advocate on the topic of your love for her. Can you really love someone who does not express herself? I mean, if you don't know what's going on in her head - what is there to love? And if your guess is right about her playing games to get you back, why would you consider returning to a woman who does this?

More food for thought: you said that you were nothing but nice to her. And now you're hoping that her obnoxious behaviour is some sort of game to get you to return. It sounds to me like she's got you twisted around her little finger - perhaps rather than being 'nice' you were a pushover at her beck and call? Being a nice guy is a good thing, but always ALWAYS keep your boundaries in place. Stand up to bad behaviour. Dump women who don't treat you well. Trust me, having a backbone and boundaries are very attractive traits to a woman.

Save yourself for a woman who shares her emotions. Someone who knows what she wants and doesn't play games.

[onthemend76]

Thank you so much for your time and input. I am definitely worth more than a doormat treatment. Which is why I am proud for taking this no contact stand. there is a large portion of my rational self that has told me the same thing you are telling me. Hearing you say it confirms it and helps. I just wish my irrational heart would listen. I have very good memories, but need to focus on the bad one way street I was on for most of this relationship. I am just going to keep no contact and if she ever does want to be mature and I will listen, but until then who knows?