Is she playing me?

[TheEvilJester]

You could be right. Or there could be a number of other reasons why she felt it better to lead you on (whether or not the number she gave you was intentionally wrong, or she had intended to actually give you the correct number) rather than to just be honest. To me, she already has a boyfriend seems like a perfectly good reason to reject somebody. In fact, that's a pretty soft rejection as it is. It's not "No, I'm not interested in you" it's "Sorry, I already have a boyfriend."

So, there could be any number of reasons why she felt honesty was a less desirable option to leading you on, but I fail to see how ANY reason is acceptable for such behavior. Even if it is to avoid the types of psycho A-holes who can't take a hint, or who would make a scene, or whatever other awkward and uncomfortable thing, why should good people be punished for the few a-holes out there? Maybe I'm wrong (and it wouldn't entirely surprise me since my opinion of humans isn't exactly very high as it is), but I would think the vast majority of guys would take the hint if/when a gal outright rejects them. Sure, there are those that may still be persistent, and then still those who would take it to an excessive level, but I think most would just move on.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just weird. ....Wait.... scratch that. I'm DEFINITELY weird, so let me rephrase that. LOL! Maybe I'm just weird in this particular situation, but this sort of thing just gets me really annoyed, because I can kind of imagine myself in the same situation and how it would make me feel. Hell, for me, I've always been so ridiculously shy, and I'm kind of just now learning how to get over that after being stuck in a bad relationship for far longer than I should have allowed. So, if/when I actually get up the nerve to ask a girl out, if she were to lead me on like that, quite frankly I'm not so sure I could be as gentlemanly as you have been, and I pride myself on always being a gentleman. I'd rather somebody just be honest and reject me than to make me think they are interested only to lead me on and waste my damn time.

[Cray jay]

You could be right. Or there could be a number of other reasons why she felt it better to lead you on (whether or not the number she gave you was intentionally wrong, or she had intended to actually give you the correct number) rather than to just be honest. To me, she already has a boyfriend seems like a perfectly good reason to reject somebody. In fact, that's a pretty soft rejection as it is. It's not "No, I'm not interested in you" it's "Sorry, I already have a boyfriend."

So, there could be any number of reasons why she felt honesty was a less desirable option to leading you on, but I fail to see how ANY reason is acceptable for such behavior. Even if it is to avoid the types of psycho A-holes who can't take a hint, or who would make a scene, or whatever other awkward and uncomfortable thing, why should good people be punished for the few a-holes out there? Maybe I'm wrong (and it wouldn't entirely surprise me since my opinion of humans isn't exactly very high as it is), but I would think the vast majority of guys would take the hint if/when a gal outright rejects them. Sure, there are those that may still be persistent, and then still those who would take it to an excessive level, but I think most would just move on.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just weird. ....Wait.... scratch that. I'm DEFINITELY weird, so let me rephrase that. LOL! Maybe I'm just weird in this particular situation, but this sort of thing just gets me really annoyed, because I can kind of imagine myself in the same situation and how it would make me feel. Hell, for me, I've always been so ridiculously shy, and I'm kind of just now learning how to get over that after being stuck in a bad relationship for far longer than I should have allowed. So, if/when I actually get up the nerve to ask a girl out, if she were to lead me on like that, quite frankly I'm not so sure I could be as gentlemanly as you have been, and I pride myself on always being a gentleman. I'd rather somebody just be honest and reject me than to make me think they are interested only to lead me on and waste my damn time.

Haha! Yeah i used to be incredibly shy also. I still am when i start liking the girl too much. I think i may have messed things up though. Not a big deal though, i notice she was avoiding me. She said hi and i just walked past like sup and not even look at her. Also her coworker said they went home after work, but i found out from one of their guy coworkers that they went out. It is possible that the guy coworker went out with other people but meh. Either way, i'm going to take a break from this thing called feelings. lol She did me wrong, but no reason to burn bridges i guess. If anything i'll try to come out as the better man. On the brightside i've been getting free drinks here and there hahaha.

[TheEvilJester]

Hey, free is a good price to pay. ;-) I think you have the right attitude about this, and I admire that. You put yourself out there, but it didn't work out. No big deal. Take a breather, dust yourself off, and then get back out there and try again. I envy you for having both the guts and the opportunity to do so. My entire life, I've been way too shy to ask women out. I had plenty of opportunities and plenty of crushes, but could never bring myself to talk to women. I never really got over that because my ex (who wound up being a huge mistake) was my friend before we got together, so the transition was kind of just natural. These days, I feel like I can actually finally go for it. It won't be easy, but I feel like I can finally give it my best shot.

....Problem now is I lack the opportunity. I'm not really into the bar scene, don't feel like picking up on women in the gym (for my own reasons), and really don't have much of any other opportunity to meet women. Other than work (and we know the stigma about that) the train is basically the only place I see women, and that is really not the most conducive place to talking to a stranger. It's just yet another of life's cosmic jokes on me. I finally feel ready to get over my shyness..... but have no opportunity to put that in practice.

Wait.... what the Hell was my point in all that? LOL!

Right! My point being it is a shame it didn't go well in the end, but you should look at it as a really good thing that you were able to put yourself out there. It may not have gone well with this particular female human, but you eventually well find a particularly swell lady who will make you glad you gave it a shot. For now, just enjoy life and remember that you are awesome and somebody would be lucky to be with you. I always feel like (in moderation, of course) that is truly the attitude to have. If somebody doesn't want to give you a legit shot, then that is okay, but it is their loss, not yours.

[Cray jay]

Thanks a lot man! It is nice to be able to actually admit that I was crushing pretty hard and got rejected. It did cut me pretty deep, especially when being led on like that. The best thing that my friend told me though, years ago, is there's no problem with rejection. If you asked out someone, you are just being a man. Rejected or accepted, the fact that you acted makes you a man. No one can fault you for that since everyone has been rejected before. I'm sad to hear your prior relationship was a rough one, but hell from just talking to you, it seems you are a real cool person. You can definitely find another.

I also know how you feel about meeting women... it is so hard where I'm at considering that the ratio of women to men is 1:2. Most girls are taken already or there is a "waiting list". Haha. I resorted to bars as it was easy to meet them and start a conversation. This is actually a first time I really tried to pursue a girl that works at a bar. The other times, I frequented other bars, I was just looking to make friends and if something developed then cool. It is a shame that this place I frequent, may be a bit more cautious in making friends then the ones I've been to before. I mean I still hang out with some of the waitresses from other bars that I've frequented after they quit the bar, and meet their bfs and everything. It's all fine. I guess I underestimated these girls hustle. Definitely going to be more cautious around their intentions now. Haha

[TheEvilJester]

I, myself, am not really into the bar scene. Don't get me wrong. I mean no judgment at all. If you ARE into it, it can be a lot of fun and a great way to meet new people. It's just not my scene, in large part due to the fact that I choose not to drink. So, there's not all that much in it for me.

Anyway, again, it sounds like you really have the right attitude here. You went for it and got hurt, and that sucks, but the important thing is to learn from that instead of using it as an excuse to go back into your shell. Granted, when you initially get rejected, especially by somebody you were particularly into, it will likely take a little time to recover and be ready to try again. That is natural. You just want to avoid becoming too complacent in the "rest period," so to speak.

Funny enough, fear of rejection has never been my problem. Yes, that would suck, but I can live with that. It's just a complete lack of knowing what to do/how to go about it. It's part of why I've never been able to be the cold approach type of guy. For example, to just go up to a complete stranger (of the female variety, of course) and ask her out, or even just strike up a conversation with the hopes of becoming friendly. I can't stop thinking that by approaching somebody who is essentially a complete stranger, I'm going to just come across like a creeper and blow my chance right off the bat. Almost like I want some kind of opening, but the problem is those openings don't tend to present themselves very often, you sort of have to make them happen.

Anyway, if anything, you've learned from this how to identify a little bit better if somebody is sincere or is just leading you on. Bottom line, if somebody is going to play games of any sort (whether they are playing games because they aren't interested or are even playing games because they ARE interested) then let them live in high school the rest of their lives while you move on and look for another adult.

I just don't get this world we live in these days. When did it become acceptable to treat another human being like this? When did we become so cynical that we can't just be honest with each other? That a woman can't just gently but honestly let down a gentleman caller who is pitching her woo if she is not interested in him? I just cannot fathom the moronic thought process that says to somebody "It is a much better idea to lead somebody on then to just be honest so they can stop wasting their time and mine." Or even worse in this case, rather than just admitting she already had a boyfriend she chose to give you false hope and lead you on.

Where's my DeLorean? I think I'm going to go live the rest of my life in a simpler decade. LOL!