Is this guy playing me or what?

[Lolli99]

I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months. He wanted it to be exclusive from day 1, but I didn't, I thought it was way too soon. He was great at first, then he started to put the pressure on. He tells me he loves me, wants marriage, family, etc. But he stopped asking me for dates. Now he just tells me he wants to see me all the time and I have to be the one to "break" the date if I want to do something else. So instead telling him when I am available, I have to tell him every time I'm not. He used to contact me to let me know he's thinking about me, etc, but now he complains if I don't contact him when he thinks I should. I mean, if it gets too late in the day, he gets annoyed that I didn't contact him (even though he could contact me too and didn't). He claims its because he "worries". If he texts or calls and I don't answer him for a while, he's angry because I either "ignored" him or made him "worry". He also gets mad if I dont spend "enough" time with him, which could mean that I didn't see him enough days in the week, or that I didn't spend enough hours with him on a particular day. Sometimes he sounds like he has a rulebook in his head about how many days and hours are "enough". It also doesn't qualify as time spend with him if I'm spending time on him. Meaning if I spend hours doing stuff for him, that doesn't count because we weren't together. He puts himself down alot, which of course upsets me and causes me to tell him these thigns aren't true. But sometimes I wonder if he says the stuff on purpose to get me to focus on him. He also has a long list of traumas that occur in his life on a recurring basis. He's sick, there's a trauma at work, etc. So of course, in the moment, I want to be there for him and all, but after I realize that I've just spent a giant amount of time on him when maybe I had something else to do. He also mentioons other women all the time, but simultaneously says he's not interested. He makes it sound like conversation, but later I wonder if its his way of trying to make me feel insecure while he avoids being blamed for doing that (because he says he's not interested in these girls). At first I thought all these things were genuine, but now I wonder if its all just a scheme to suck me in and keep me there. I mean, I never agreed to be exclusive with him, and I've pointed that out, but he says he doesn't care, he won't see anyone else, then he acts like we do have that sort of relationship, because after all, look at how committed he is (he never actual said this, but I think it's what he thinks). He also tells me about how we'll get married, have kids, etc. Is that really waht he wants or is he just playing on what I want? Other than this, I care about him alot and we get along great. And I wonder if I committed to him if this wouldn't be an issue anymore, maybe I'm causing there to be a perpetual gap between us. But at the same time it feels like he's being demanding. He also overreacts to alot of stuff and can be very very touchy...I can too, so I can really sympathize.. but sometimes I feel he acts like a child. And if he says something that hurts me, sometimes he's concerned and apologizes, but other times he gets mad that I though this negative thing about him or tells me how I'm too sensative or cant take a joke, or wahtever. But when I say something that he takes the wrong way, I've deeply hurt him. So what is going on? Is he really just a sweet gently guy whos a little too insecure and sensitive? Or is a selfish scheming maniuplator? Or is he mentally unstasble? Help!! thanks

[craigieboy001]

Hi Lolli99

judging by what you saying it sounds as though HE is the insecure one, think he is maybe mentioning these "other ladies" to make you feel slightly insecure so that in hope, you spend more time with him.

to be honest, if he is like that at the moment what is he going to be like later down the line? thats the question i would be asking myself.

i know i couldn't live with someone like that and the fact that he was rushing into things suggests he is maybe not ready for a relationship? or maybe he hasn't had many relationships in the past and doesn't know how to handle them?

its a tough call however, if you feel scared or under pressure tell him this and if the situation doesn't improve i would simply walk away.

[Wakeup]

I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months.

All this demanding and controlling bullsh*t are signs of someone who is abusive.

Get yourself away from him.


Its only a couple of months and dating is to find out if who you are with is going to be a good partner. He sounds disturbed and your gut is trying to tell you something, that is why you've come here to get second opinions. If you thought he was a good catch you wouldn't have any need to ask strangers what WE thought about him and his dysfunctional way of relating.

[michelle23]

Please put in paragraphs. Its hard for me to read that wall of text so late when I am tired. I will come back tomorrow

[Lolli99]

Craigie & Wakeup, he is very insecure, and yes, he does seem controlling to me too, but I wasn't sure if it just stems from his insecurity which is probably being aggravated by my not wanting to be exclusive yet or if he is just a controlling person.

Michelle, I can figure out how to edit my post.

Thank you for your responses.