Not your usual situation... Maybe it is for some people...

[whatamitodo]

Hi all,

I’m new to this forum and posting my problems on forums isn’t something that I typically make a habit of doing. However, I feel so badly screwed up in my mind that I don’t know what to do. Hence, I would appreciate some alternate viewpoints.

I apologise in advance in regards to how long this thread will be and if it is hard to follow. I have very bad Carpal Tunnel right now and in an emotional sense, it is a very hard thread to write. I also have my baby boy chirping in the background which makes it very difficult for me to concentrate… I also wrote this in MS Word, and pasted it here, apologies if the formatting is out. I don't have it in me to proof read after spilling my heart out onto this thread..

The story basically starts like this: -

I was a happily married man. I’ve been with my wife now for around 8 years. Nearly 2 years ago we had a baby boy together - he is such a cute, innocent and healthy baby. We were and obviously still are very happy at the outcome. I’ve always been a hard working businessman, dedicated to my wife and family, however, sometimes I am guilty of spending too much time building the businesses. I have two businesses which are progressively becoming established and as a result, financially speaking, family life between my wife and I has improved throughout the course of our relationship. We quite literally started with nothing to get to where we are today and things were very hard for us. My wife has worked for her employers for several years, paying her share towards the bills, while I built the businesses.

Approximately 6 months after our boy was born, my wife started cheating on me with a colleague at her work place behind my back. This continued for around 6 months in total and 4 months before I found out it. I was extremely surprised as you can imagine, as it appeared that we had nothing wrong with our relationship – we never argued, got along fine, no physical or emotional problems etc.

As I said above, my wife had been lying to me for over 4 months before I began to notice, at which point I took measures to find out what was going on. I’m fairly good with computers and as a result I hacked into her Facebook, emails and laptop etc to find out what was going on. I even bugged her mobile phone! It’s worth noting that I am not a jealous person in the slightest and I was not proud of the measures that I had to implement to find the truth.

The truth hit me like a sledgehammer from all devices that I spied on, however, bugging her mobile phone really hit me hard when I figure out how to enable the audio remotely. When she went out “to meet friends” I listened in and made recordings! Within half an hour of leaving the house she was in the countryside having sex with her colleague, having the time of her life by the sounds of it!

I knew her exact location, through GPS yet I sat at my computer shaking with disbelief. I literally couldn’t stop trembling… I daren’t move, as I feared going down to their location, seeing him and letting lose…

I didn’t know what to do. She came home as if nothing had ever happened. It immediately overwhelmed me in regards to how well she could lie to me and put on such a mask to hide what she had done. I’ve always believed my wife and never had any reason to doubt her (that I am aware of)…

My natural reaction was to protect my boy. So I let this betrayal continue for several weeks after I found out to enable me to collect enormous amounts of data as evidence of her acts. Audio, emails, chat messages etc…

I’ve not had an easy life, but this was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. To sit back and witness your own family betray you in such a manner was unforgivable for me as I am such a family orientated person.

I eventually decided to let her know that I knew everything. She was obviously shocked that I found out, she started crying etc…

She promised to never see him again, yet I found out that behind my back she had continued to see him. He eventually got her pregnant. Upon finding out, he immediately dumped her, in which she was guttered! That was very hard for me to witness as he dumped her over the phone… What was upsetting was the fact that he had to dump her for her to stop what she was doing! She asked me to undertake an abortion as we live in a country where abortion is illegal. I enrolled her onto an online platform so she could have an abortion like she requested. The pills were sent and I witnessed it all. Images I will never get out of my mind - kindly refrain from discussing this subject with me!

I later found out that this man she had being seeing is a complete scumbag by traditional standards. Ex drug addict, criminal record, lives on his couch at his parents, has no money, no ambitions, smokes and drinks himself into a comma every weekend etc. Yet she found this attractive?!...... I was horrified to find out that she had repeatedly exposed our boy to him. God knows what he witnessed at such a tender age. At one point, I did try to assume that maybe this guy was a decent guy, despite the above - until I met him…

Despite all of the above, somehow, my wife and I communicated and we stayed together. At this point it’s all a complete blur, as everything happened so fast. I can barely remember.

I remember that a piece of me felt like this was my fault; I tried to be a better husband, lover, father etc. I eventually realised that none of this was my fault and as a husband, I am not bad. I have literally given everything to this woman (not to the point of spoiling her).

Several months passed, one day, my wife had returned home from work and put her handbag on the table. I noticed sticking out of the top of her handbag, sleeping medication. I naturally asked if she was having trouble sleeping. She lied and said “yes”.

She later confessed that these sleeping pills were not for her. They were for him.

Now the abortion was over etc, several weeks later, behind my back and without my knowledge they had resumed talking to each other again. I was not aware of this at the time as I was no longer tracking her phone etc – doing these things is against my nature.

Her plan was to meet with him and upon departing, slip him these pills so he would fall asleep and crash his car. Great plan hey! (I’m being sarcastic).

When I found out, I went completely bezerk!

According to my wife, the reasoning behind her intended actions was that in her opinion, he was responsible for the abortion, wasting a human life etc.

In complete disbelief, I sat down with my wife and tried to drill some sense into her (she’s always been difficult, jealous and high maintenance). First of all I condemned her intended actions. Secondly, I explained that “he could have fallen asleep at the wheel of his car and ran over a family etc – how would this make you feel I asked?” – I told her “to stop what she is doing, forget it and try and move on with your life”.

Ever since the abortion took place and all of the above was in the process of taking place, we endlessly argued, got involved in endless mind games etc.

I became extremely depressed and in a very dark place. I lost faith in the relationship that I had with my wife and without putting much thought into it, I became convinced that it was over. I became extremely lonely.

Without thinking of the re-percussion’s of my actions, I impulsively joined a dating website. At the time, I didn’t take it seriously at all, nor did I think I would ever meet anyone online. However, I still joined and I did meet someone now very special to me.

I started chatting with a woman on Skype, whom I’d met on the dating site. She literally lived less than a 15-minute drive away from my house. We chatted every day for several days and became quite close although we had never met. One day she called me on Skype. I immediately cut her off.

I cut her off because my boy was in the background making noise – like he usually does. I never mentioned on my dating profile that I had a baby boy.

Over Skype chat, I began to explain my above situation and that I have a boy. She was very understanding and it turns out she had similar experiences with her ex husband although they had no children together. Naturally, we had a lot to talk about.

We chatted for several weeks, eventually, curiosity got the best of us and we decided to meet. We met and it was great. We had so much to speak about and we had a good attraction towards each other.

I later introduced her to my boy. As long as she fed him, they got along fine he he…

I continued seeing this woman behind my wife’s back. Despite my extreme guilt, we grew closer and closer. Today, I really love this woman and both of us feel that we have never had another partner so compatible with one another, physically, mentally, emotionally etc… I really do love her and cannot help myself otherwise.

After several weeks of seeing each other, she ended up in hospital. I was there for her the entire time. Thank goodness she is OK.

However, upon her leaving hospital, this effectively ended the honeymoon period of our relationship and things took on a more serious nature. Which is to always be expected at some point.

The reality of the situation eventually hit us both.

As time has passed by, the relationship between my wife and I has improved. We no longer argue about what she did, we are about as happy around each other as we can be considering. However, we are never intimate and I struggle to look her in the eyes and feel anything for her anymore. Although, a piece of me still love’s her simply for the fact she is my wife, we have a boy together and we have been through so damn much together…

Despite this, I often think about leaving my wife. However, I feel extremely trapped and unable to do so because of my boy.

My new love and I are now practically neighbour’s, and I see her nearly every day for several hours, yet despite this, I can see her pain. I can see how lonely she must feel. Every day that I leave her home I feel like such a rotten person. I can’t spend the nights with her (unless we went on vacation or got some time away), I can’t even wake up in the morning with her. At this point, we can’t have any kind of (what most people would consider to be) a ‘normal’ relationship. But like in most similar cases the closer you become to one another, more is expected. We’ve often talked about this, but we are still together and it feels so right to be together.

When we first me, she told me that she had no real intentions of having kids etc. However, since she has been around my son, I have noticed that in some respect, this has brought out her maternal instinct. I think that she would really like to build a family together with me.

As I’ll explain below, this is primarily where I feel trapped. This is the problem….

My wife has obviously already proven to be of questionable judgment (not just on the one occasion – although she has not cheated on me prior to my knowledge). I feel that if I leave my wife, I am possibly going to be subjecting my son to God knows what kind of an up upbringing. If we are to share custody of my son with my wife, should I really be expected to allow my boy to be raised by a father figure who is an ex drug addict, ex con, who is busy smoking himself to death! Or along those lines…..

I feel like this is a risk that I cannot afford to take. As a good father, I feel obligated to raise him properly. I feel that even if I took this to court and presented my case, the risk is still too great that I may end up losing custody. I feel like it is quite easily possible that I may end up with visitation privileges whilst she has full custody – as the laws generally tend to favour children being raised by their mother. I’ve witnessed some very unfair legal cases in the past. So much so, that I do not want to put the future of my boy into the hands of some so called competent state run “authority”!

I really don’t want to leave my new love and I solemnly promised her that I would never leave her, I really love her so damn much and I know she feels the same. But I feel like I am denying her the opportunity to have a family, and move forward with her life in this respect. The other problem is that I am 30 years of age and she is 37. It’s not like we have enough time to wait until my boy matures of an age where he will understand my decision to leave his mother before we started a family. At this moment in time, he is too impressionable and I fear that if he is raised under the wrong circumstances it will be detrimental.

I know many people will think that it is worse to raise a child in a home without love. But this is not entirely the case. To look at my wife and I, you would not think anything was wrong ad we have an amazing ability to get along with each other despite what has happened. So this does not concern me.

I’ve also always been very responsible for my wife’s well being ever since we have been together. She has no father that she can trace, her mother abandoned her as a teenager and she has no other living relatives apart from a grandmother that we recently traced. When I met my wife, she was an illegal immigrant living in Europe. Her mother brought her into the EU at a young age and they both overstayed their Visa’s. Not my wife’s fault as she was too young to know any better. However, I have spent year getting her legal, providing her with a family of her own, giving her security, to eventually get it all thrown in my face. Despite everything she has done, I still feel responsible even if I were to leave her.

Ever since I have started seeing my new love, my wife has introduced what she calls a father figure into her life. He is around 50 years of age. She is adamant that she isn’t cheating on me with him and I have chosen to believe her. Ever since this man has been present in her life, I’ve noticed an improvement in her attitude towards life and me in general. She has recently told me that she really wants out relationship to work out, yet I struggle so much to put my faith and trust back in her.


Above all, I love my new love to death. I simply cannot leave her. I cannot bare the thought. After discussing this various times, we have simply arrived at the conclusion ‘lets just live’…

I feel really screwed in my mind.

Please don’t tell me there are plenty of fish in the sea and try to empathise before saying something random. I don’t want other fish. I am a mature person, and although the above sounds messed up, I have been honest. I am a very rational person, but it is amazing how much rationality can go out of the window when thoughts are mixed with emotions. I would like to hear people’s opinions.

[Wakeup]

Cool story, Bro!

[melancholia]

Cool story, Bro!

Don't feed the troll.

[Wakeup]

Feeding the troll would have been actually responding seriously.

[whatamitodo]

Ok you pile of retards, go and **** yourselves...

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I wont be back on here to check replies

[dontaskme]

Ok you pile of retards, go and **** yourselves...

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I wont be back on here to check replies

LOL... You are all dysfunctional people. You, for being scared to leave your crazy ass wife and using your child as an excuse. My guess is that you do not want your wife to get half of your business and that is why you stay miserable in your marriage, nothing to do with your child. Your wife may have exercised poor judgmental capacity as a partner, doesn't mean she is not a good mother to your child.

While married, you carrying on a relationship and introducing a young child to a co-dependent woman, is as bad a move as what your wife did to you. The other woman, for allowing a guy like you to shower her with breadcrumbs and to be actually happy with those little crumbs makes her as flawed as you are. An your wife, being a sicko, oh well... The only victim here is your child!

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And the saga continues...

[melancholia]

LOL... You are all dysfunctional people. You, for being scared to leave your crazy ass wife and using your child as an excuse. My guess is that you do not want your wife to get half of your business and that is why you stay miserable in your marriage, nothing to do with your child. Your wife may have exercised poor judgmental capacity as a partner, doesn't mean she is not a good mother to your child.

While married, you carrying on a relationship and introducing a young child to a co-dependent woman, is as bad a move as what your wife did to you. The other woman, for allowing a guy like you to shower her with breadcrumbs and to be actually happy with those little crumbs makes her as flawed as you are. An your wife, being a sicko, oh well... The only victim here is your child!

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And the saga continues...

Again.... don't feed the TROLL!

[solarion]

I read the OP crap, thought it was a reality teevee show, and was suddenly certain I had to have something better to do than to respond to this rubbish. There must be a white sale somewhere...amirite?

[melancholia]

Hahaha I honestly couldn't tell if it was a serious post or a troll post until I got about halfway through it and there wasn't a single question asked. Fun story, but if it's going to be made into a fan fiction, or some kind of weird short story, it needs work.

[Wakeup]

Ok you pile of retards, go and **** yourselves...

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I wont be back on here to check replies

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