I don't want to be just friends anymore....

[Kaldia]

Hi everyone - first post here,

I'm a 30 year old female, never married but been in pretty long term relationships in the past...

I met a guy about 7-8 months ago off a dating app - we hit it off really well. However at the time we met, we had just recently gotten out of pretty bad relationships. Long story short we had a fun and good time for about 2 or so months, but we put a halt to it when we realized that it seemed we both needed a friend more than we needed to be in a relationship. He was the one to put a stop to it, but I really didn't disagree.

Since then we've still been seeing each other about once every week or so - and we've become much closer as friends. I feel so much more comfortable with him than I did initially - he likes the same things as me, we go to concerts together...etc etc. I've also even been on a date or two with other men, but have just not felt the same feelings of closeness as I do with him.

I realized that my feelings were different and that it was important for me to let him know...so I asked him what he thought. He was hesitant and said he thinks there's still potential and that I'm gorgeous to him, but that he just didn't know. So I got frustrated and kissed him - he didn't stop me. After that I went home and received a text from him that said "I had another great time with you tonight. I always have a great time with you" Then he sent a kiss emoji.

So here I am now....and I just don't know what I should do? I feel like he needs some sort of nudge in a direction - and usually I would not do this but he's been so sweet and supportive in a world full of jerks.

I don't know...is this worth me trying to put a little effort into swaying him? Or should I just do nothing as I normally would. I feel like he is afraid of something.

SIGH

[S0NofHAM]

You should do whatever your heart is compelled to do.

If you love him, then look him in the eyes and tell him. It sounds like you might have fallen for him.

If you don't love him, but you have feelings for him, then just keep seeing him as much as you can, and let him know that you are interested in him.

It sounds like you love him, and the pain is coming. The pain of not knowing if he loves you back, and the pain of not knowing the future, and where you and him will be in the next 8 months from now.

I just lost a love. I met her 8 months ago, and fell in love 6 months ago. It was complicated and bumpy, and we broke up 3 weeks ago, and I've been crying everyday and telling her I love her, but she says she hasn't cried once and doesn't love me anymore. I have to let her go, and I'm trying to... I cried this morning, and can't get her out of my head.

I think love is partly an obsession. The longer the love grows, the more painful it will be if you part ways. So you should try to figure out if you love him, and if he loves you. If you love him but he doesn't love you, it's possible that it may work out and he may fall for you, but please be careful, because you may fall alone, and it may be very painful. However, if you love someone like I did, just tell them. Tell them everything how you feel. Open yourself up like a book. Tell them every thought on your mind. If they can't handle it, or they reject you, then that's their choice. The right man for you will open up back, and tell you everything he feels, and then you'll know if you two truly love each other.

[Kaldia]

You should do whatever your heart is compelled to do.

If you love him, then look him in the eyes and tell him. It sounds like you might have fallen for him.

If you don't love him, but you have feelings for him, then just keep seeing him as much as you can, and let him know that you are interested in him.

It sounds like you love him, and the pain is coming. The pain of not knowing if he loves you back, and the pain of not knowing the future, and where you and him will be in the next 8 months from now.

I just lost a love. I met her 8 months ago, and fell in love 6 months ago. It was complicated and bumpy, and we broke up 3 weeks ago, and I've been crying everyday and telling her I love her, but she says she hasn't cried once and doesn't love me anymore. I have to let her go, and I'm trying to... I cried this morning, and can't get her out of my head.

I think love is partly an obsession. The longer the love grows, the more painful it will be if you part ways. So you should try to figure out if you love him, and if he loves you. If you love him but he doesn't love you, it's possible that it may work out and he may fall for you, but please be careful, because you may fall alone, and it may be very painful. However, if you love someone like I did, just tell them. Tell them everything how you feel. Open yourself up like a book. Tell them every thought on your mind. If they can't handle it, or they reject you, then that's their choice. The right man for you will open up back, and tell you everything he feels, and then you'll know if you two truly love each other.

Thank you - that is quite a straightforward look at it. I think I'm afraid to really check in with myself and realize that I do love him...love is scary. And honestly...I think that I know that he might not love me just YET...but there's something there that I think holds so much promise. I really think we could be happy if he would just let his guard down. I know you can't make someone do that...but maybe there are ways to just gently push them in the right direction?

Truth be told I'm terrified of laying it all out on the table. Maybe the timing isn't right...or maybe I'm just a scaredy cat...

Also -- I am very sorry to hear of your love lost. I've been crushed in the past, and I've probably crushed others myself. It's such a risky game.

[S0NofHAM]

I think that we are all scaredy cats when it comes to love.

A lot of us have been hurt at some time, and we tend to protect ourselves. It sounds like that applies to both you and him. My advice, is this:

-Never put up walls
-Never lie, cheat or neglect your partner
-Never be afraid to pour your heart out

If he loves you, he'll stay. If this scares him, then let him run. Of course, timing is important, so you shouldn't drop the L word if you think it's too soon. I think we tend to say it when we cannot bear to hold it in any longer...

Live and love. Let yourself be hurt. The more you understand your love, the better. My ex was a bit of a narcissist, and we each loved her, but I think neither of us loved me that much. I need to love myself more, and I'm working on that, but I fell hard for her and always assumed that she loved me back, especially because she would text "I love you" about 5x/day, however, she very rarely said it in person... So when you fall for someone, let them know you've fallen, and do your best to realize whether they actually love you back or not. If they don't love you back, give them time to make a choice. I think that in due time, your love for him will either: 1. properly annoy the shit out of him and make him run, or 2. make him fall for you in return. It seems to be a win-win, either way. If you really love someone, then they have to love you back for your relationship to work. If they just like you or lust you, then *trust me,* the more memories you make, the more painful it will be later. Maybe he needs time to fall in love, and only you and him will know if he really loves you.

Love is pretty damn complicated. I say just be 100% open and honest, and be courageous, and risk getting hurt, because life is too freaking short to play games and be shallow. Be a deep ocean.

[Kaldia]

Hm, your ex sounds a lot like my ex. Not a tear shed from him - or remorse or anything that made me feel like he gave a shit. That was almost a year ago from today - and now I can only thank him for making me able to cope with my own emotions and self. I also just don't put up with bullshit anymore.

I suppose when you are hurt like that it can go either way...I hope that you come out of it with a better outlook rather than sorrow. It takes some time

[S0NofHAM]

I think it takes a lot of time...

Every time I think I've found closure and think I'm able to move on, I'm crying again either hours later or the next morning

[Kaldia]

Well just remember that there is no set time on this sort of thing. If you need to cry, you need to cry. And don't let people tell you "it's time to get over it" or anything like that. It doesn't work like that. Good luck to you.