What is happening with my ex? Is she self destructing?

[kingdomten]

So I was a sucker. I got with a girl not long after she had broken up with her ex of a year. Looking back I knew she was never 100% over him but we had a great time and they had had a very messy and destructive relationship, the complete opposite to ours.

We were together for 13 amazing months. I met all her family, we went on holiday multiple times, spent Christmas together and we constantly said how happy we were. All things she had never done with her ex. We just clicked on an emotional and mental level and she got really attached. She very much instigated building a future all the way to the end. A week before she left me she was speaking to me about moving in together. And begged me never to leave her.

I've discovered that her ex in the last two or three weeks of our relationship had contacted her saying he had changed. She was very open about it and showed me the texts, saying she had closure. Again I was a sucker I know. Anyway, fast forward a week and she leaves me. She blames the lack of passion, saying she wants him and that there was something missing. That she's confused if ever loved me. I knew it was because of him and sure enough she goes straight back to him. So I cut her out. Didn't bothered texting her. I delete her off Facebook and so she blocks me on Instagram an hour later.

She contacts me a week later, asking me not to reply, but apologised and said she was messed up and that she would always there for me because we were "best friends". That I deserved better and that I never deserved to be part of her self destruction. She starts liking all these posts on social media like "it's dangerous talking to someone every day, because when they are gone it's the loneliest place in the world" and starts stalking my posts. So again I don't contact her at all despite the urge because I need to heal.

She then contacts me again a week later saying she was sorry for things she had said. That she didn't mean it all. That I was always her most favourite person on the planet and loved me and always will. That she now felt empty and that every time I was with her she felt whole. That she felt so sad not being with me that it hurt. That the time we were together was the happiest, most fun, most loved she'd ever had. She wrote that she hadn't left me for him (lie) but for herself. But that she didn't like being so intermingled and attached to me and that she wanted to be more independent, and that she didn't want to be in each other's pockets. She felt herself for the first time in a while and one day she might regret the decision but she was happy.

I know I was a rebound but can anyone make sense of the situation? Was it the whole thinking about commitment that freaked her out? I know she was never over him completely, but was her ex an easier option? Because I knew it was more a physical relationship than anything which gave her the lack of real attachment. Are there hints of GIGS in her going back to her ex? Her parents went through a very messy divorce and she said she didn't want to end up like them. Could a broken home have played a part?

She's just changed her reasons for leaving me so many times. I know we will never get back together but I need some sort of closure. It's easy to put it down to being a rebound, but it was a year not one or two months and she was honestly really happy. There was no indication she was going to leave and why the heck does she keep texting me? She's started posting snapchats she never used to because it's the only site I now follow her on. Does she just need the attention?

[melancholia]

Nobody can know for sure except for her. However, it sounds to me like things didn't work out with her ex and now she's crawling back to you. That would be my instinct if I were in the same position as you; however, I am a black and white thinker. It could be any reason why she did what she did and handled it the way she did, and you will never know unless she were to tell you; and then at that point, it would be up to you whether you believe her answer or not. If you are 100% uninterested in rekindling your relationship, then here is my advice on how to be decisive in that choice and how to move forward.

Do not contact her. Delete and block her from all social media and in your phone. Do not let her find a way to contact you either. As much as you sound resolute about your choice, it hurts to see someone you love say things like that after walking away and saying you two lacked passion and all that bullsh!t when you know she just left to be with her ex boyfriend. the further you get from the relationship, the more clarity you will have as to why it didn't work out and why it's better to be apart.

Start focusing your energy on your life and everything about it that makes you happy. Surround yourself with positive influences, friends, family, hobbies... anything that interests you in a healthy, positive way, and keep yourself busy. Remind yourself that you deserve better than to be cast aside so carelessly, and that you deserve a loving, happy, positive relationship with someone who is equally committed to your relationship as you are. Believe that you can find another person you can be happy with, and that she isn't the be all, end all to your happiness.

[pcmaster]

She just proved that girls are stupid and can be manipulated by guys who knows how they works. Its just she had a female brain. And guy knew how those brains work so she had no defence. Only thing that was up to her is dont keep contact with ex. Thats what happens when girls keep in touch with ex.

[melancholia]

It could be because she legitimately missed you. It could be because things didn't work out with her ex and so she felt she made a mistake. It could be that she was confused and didn't know what she wanted, and acknowledges she wasn't ready for another relationship with anyone... it could by anything. The only person who knows for sure is her. All you can do is work on improving yourself and sticking to your decision, if it's the right decision for you. If you want to stay single and move on, then your best bet is to cut all contact with her. It makes everything so much easier to move forward if you don't hear from that person. You can focus on yourself and your own life and move on quicker.

[Hooo!]

i think (and im just guessing here (id give myself a chance that im correct 70%) the following has happened.

girl has a past with abusive and dominating family and ex.
Girl now is in a relationship with a "nice guy" and loves it. However she always feels that something is missing. The feeling of deep love (which is not an obvious feeling for many people, me for example) is unknown to her. The "love" she feels for him is to a great deal affection and thankfullness for being treated so well.

Now you should understand that most women like/need to be dominated to an extend. This usually involves sexual domination. I guess this is not something you have been doing. She is expecting it and probably to some extend wanting it (at least in the bedroom).

Then she left you because she wanted to get that feeling back.
Then she notives how much she is missing you. I think this is actually where we feel love the most: when the one you love is away and your heart hungers for them to be there again.
And i think this is where she realised that she does not only feel affection and thankfulness but that she really loves you.
This is where she also realises that she ****ed up big time and will never have the chance to be back with you again.
And then the hate for herself for not noticing it sooner and being so "selfdestructive" kicks in.
Additionally she probably feels she deserves no better - but you do.

And if i am correct with it, i think that this is rather sad.