My wife cannot get over my ex (before marriage)

[bdpaul]

I was in a 11 year long relationship till 2013, until I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. The relationship itself was on and off, and finally when my girlfriend decided to move on to a new country, and get married, did it come to a conclusive end. It was not very painful, as anyways the relationship was floundering, but I did not initiate the complete break-up, the girl did.

In 2015 I got married to a very lovable wife. We have a very good rapport on most things, and marriage is quite good. But almost every month, my wife become very agitated that my past relationship bothers her, and she cannot get over it. She blames me for being too easy on my ex. Of course there are times when I talk about the times I was in college etc. I do not refer to my ex. But all my wife can think of is that my ex was very much a part of my life then. And she feels terrible about it.

My wife cries and just cannot let it go, until i do something about. I do not know what I can do, and for the last 2 years of marriage, the extent to which she feels the pain, has not reduced. I suspect she feels I chose her, because my ex dumped me. And maybe I still have soft corner for my ex. But most importantly, my wife feels I am not going through the pain she is going through, and hence I try to be pragmatic and preachy and do nothing about it.

Please help me, how canI get over this situation. My marriage is in danger.

[edd]

let her know that you love her more than anything, not much more you can do
maybe you talk to much about her or maybe she is not very confident.
i hope you will make it together

[Hooo!]

I got married to a very lovable wife.

shes "A" wife then? and she is "loveable"
such NICE words of you. Possibly she is a very nice and loveable person to be with, too? Probably she is also reasonably good looking and friendly in general?

be vary of the way you speak. Because this is where people get the idea from.

She has the problem - so she should come here and seek help.
I understand that you dont know what you can do. You can show her how much you love her. You can tell her that yes you think your ex is a great person and you had a really good time with her. I dont understand what is wrong about that. On the other hand you must make her feel that you love her now and that she is the number one person in your life now.
You can tell her how you feel (helpless, sad, worried sick and deeply in love, hurting to see her hurt so much) because you dont know what else you can do to make her see that she is indeed the woman you love and want to be with for the rest of your life. So if there is anything that would make her see how much you love her and how much you want to be with HER then could she please tell you what she is missing?