Relationship with Friends

[artyemi]

after reading yours again, i realized i'm not stating any new facts, just restating yours in a way that made sense to me..

[nomas]

Yes, but...

On the optimistic front: If you DO like someone more than they like you, you just display about as much affection as you think the other person feels for you (as you stated) except..maybe a little bit more. As long as you don't tip the balance, you one party can show slightly more interest..key word: "slightly".

Then when the other person catches up, you kind of release a little more. Until the person is all caught up and you're happily in balance, not holding anything back..never again in danger of exploding!

Yay for optimism!

[artyemi]

Hope. Always forever hope.

It is both your enemy and your friend.

[nomas]

Hope. Always forever hope.

It is both your enemy and your friend.

You just have to know how to control it rather than let it control you.

[artyemi]

When do you draw the line? Use your rational. haha...

[blue]

its either all or nothing for me.

[indigosoul]

On the optimistic front: If you DO like someone more than they like you, you just display about as much affection as you think the other person feels for you (as you stated) except..maybe a little bit more. As long as you don't tip the balance, you one party can show slightly more interest..key word: "slightly".

Then when the other person catches up, you kind of release a little more. Until the person is all caught up and you're happily in balance, not holding anything back..never again in danger of exploding!

Ha, you must be quite the dancer Nomas!!


Seriously tho, this "technique" really smacks of psychologic manipulation to me... "when the other person catches up"? Who decides this? I guess you, the manipulator do, but I can tell you that I would find this offensive. Tho I can see how it might work for younger persons who are still establishing their sense of self.

I agree w/Blue. All or nothing. It comes to that sooner or later anyway.

For the record, Nomas, how old are you? I would guess mid 20s... given your interest in this sort of method. I think many women don't figure themselves out until at least 35 (ish).

[artyemi]

I like to think that nomas feels that he is in control when really, he is being manipulated by his own feelings. At the end, that person is still waiting for more feelings from the other end.

[indigosoul]

I like to think that nomas feels that he is in control when really, he is being manipulated by his own feelings. At the end, that person is still waiting for more feelings from the other end.

Oh dear. I hadn't meant for this point to come out, tho it did occur to me. Sorry Nomas...

Personally, I think Nomas is a "reality tinkerer". Likes to test his model of reality by experiment. This is an interesting way (but not the only one) to view the world. Is common to the psyches of scientists & engineering types (lots of experience here!). Another world view is "acceptance", BTW. Hard to do, tho, b/c its more passive. Requires a strong sense of self, while remaining open to new ideas. This is one of the reasons I really enjoy Einsteins writing (ref another post). He acheived a remarkable balance b/t these techniques...

But I digress. Back to topic: I think that trying to control another person in a relationship is a sure road to misery. Fast or slow trip will only depend on how long it takes the manipulated to "wake up" to it. IMHO.

[artyemi]

The question I have is whether nomas is testing his model of reality by experimenting or is he trying to fit his model to his theories?

But the answer doesn't matter. It is whatever he says it is. No sarcasm intended or anything.

[artyemi]

sorry.. a million sorry.. if that thought offend you at all.

[nomas]

Ha, you must be quite the dancer Nomas!!

Hmm..I don't get it.. How does this apply to my sense of rhythm? Although I'm sure this is in reference to something that just went over my head.

Seriously tho, this "technique" really smacks of psychologic manipulation to me... "when the other person catches up"? Who decides this? I guess you, the manipulator do, but I can tell you that I would find this offensive. Tho I can see how it might work for younger persons who are still establishing their sense of self.

I don't see how this is manipulation at all. I'm just saying: when one party is way more overzealous than the other, it will turn the other one off. It's this way in a lot of things..in conversation, for instance. Say you're quite a "talker", you can talk up a storm. Like I do. And you usually talk loud and fast. But then you're faced in a situation (with my sister) and she's even LOUDER and talks even more. All of a sudden I've assumed a role as a spectator rather than the MC I tend to be in other situations.. Okay, that one may be too confusing to relate, but I'm saying, how is this manipulation? I'm just saying, play your cards right. That's about as much as I get involved in "the game". Usually I'm straight forward..none of these subtle hints and interpreting responses..hmm I guess this is one from experience. I blame a lost opportunity to my going way too fast. If only I'd been more controlled about revealing feelings I may still be this person's friend at the very least.

I'm 27 years old.

Hmm..interesting theories on how my life is governed...especially since I can see how you may have arrived at your theories.

Yeah, I like to be in control, or at least think I'm in control. I honestly don't get myself for the most part. I wish I did and strive for it, but I'm a walking contradiction. The only thing I know is that you can look at anything from a pro and a con perspective. I can say I am in control and prove it with my actions, but I also know that I'm constantly thinking and my mind can go either way in a moment's notice.

Indi's right again. My in my current profession, I'm an Enginieer. I do like the sciences...but in a couple of months I'll be unemployed and cruising about the coast for a few weeks on a road trip, and then to uncertainty in Mexico..quite irrational behavior for an engineer..more like a "go with the flow" (or "acceptance"?)in that sense.

Still, all my theories are just my rule book on how I see the "generalities" of life, of behaviors, whatnot. Just based on my own observations. They will vary from culture to culture to subculture to subculture..but in any such you will find what people tend to do in the majority of the cases and you'll find the special cases.

The truth is things are as complicated or as simple as you want them to be. We can analyze the crap out of anything or we can just say "it depends" and be done with it.

[nomas]

sorry.. a million sorry.. if that thought offend you at all.

No..not at all...I don't see how it would...should it have?? Ha ha..just playing, I know you don't mean to offend.

You can freely say what's on your mind and all it will do is interest me and I may have questions as to how you arrived at your conclusions. You may either expand my mind or I'll set YOU straight, ha ha..

I'm too rational to be easily offended. Funny thing..I think my mind has taken over, over the years, and my feelings are held at check. Although I still consider myself an emotional person..but I only release the emotions when the mind approves.

[artyemi]

Set me straight, haha.. not even if you had a hammer could you set me straight..

[indigosoul]

Hmm..I don't get it.. How does this apply to my sense of rhythm? Although I'm sure this is in reference to something that just went over my head.

LOL. Even if you hadn't just said you were an engineer/science type, this would have clinched it for me...

This statement is what I was referring to: "you just display about as much affection as you think the other person feels for you (as you stated) except..maybe a little bit more... don't tip the balance, you one party can show slightly more interest..key word: "slightly". Then when the other person catches up, you kind of release a little more."

You move, she moves, you move, she moves... all very balanced and careful not to step on toes... is this not a dance?