Sorry a bit of a long story but here goes...
I've been with my partner for 20+ years . We have a child in their early teens, we've done and achieved lots together! Even built a house!
The last 10 yrs haven't felt quite right though, I just thought maybe this is just the norm after such a long time together.
The last 2 yrs have been really bad though! Especially the last 18 months!
I initially put this down to changing jobs and the house etc..
I've since discovered that she'd got us into debt, I also have a strong suspicion that she's also spent our childs savings!
She reduced her hours to under 30 per week, I work double that and she was quite happy to let me carry all the financial burden aswel attempting to get me to work even more hours!
Things came to a head and we had a huge argument which resulted in me taking complete control of all our finances. We are now back on track.. she's increased her hours and sharing responsibilities.
She's a lovely natured woman who is extremely kind and considerate in every other way. I think things just got out of control and she didn't want to alarm me.
However the last 18 months have been particularly difficult for me. I just don't seem to feel anything other than friendship for her anymore. I don't like holding hands and I even avoid kissing her whenever possible.
I find everything so boring. She seems quite happy just watching tv and letting everything mount up around her. I try my best to keep things up together but as fast as I tidy up the mess just reappears:-(
I found out a year ago that she'd borrowed money off my family without my knowledge and never paid them back.
So for the past year I've been seriously considering leaving,
Then about 3 months ago whilst out doing the weekly shopping I noticed that I was being observed by someone, I recognised the face but couldn't place it .. then I had a friend request which I accepted. Our paths crossed again less than a week later! Again she was looking at me to the point she nearly walked into something!
The next evening I had a private message from her, the penny dropped... it was a girl from my old school bus! She's about 5 years younger than me so that's probably why I struggled to place her. I replied and things just evolved from there...
We messaged each other all the time, she finally persuaded me to meet her. We had a long chat and went our separate ways..
That didn't last long.. I could feel something growing between us... I felt an instant spark when we first met and every time we got together after that I became more infatuated with her! We kissed several times and I haven't felt so alive in 20 years! It felt so sensual and just so right!
I know you're going to find this hard to believe but I wouldn't allow it to go any further than that. We both wanted it to but we both agreed it would be totally wrong! I know what we were doing was already wrong. But we did manage to draw a line.
Over the following weeks we constantly messaged each other on a daily basis until it became apparent that for both of us we both thought of each other from the moment we woke up until we went to sleep.
She told me where she grew up and what her parents were like, we both grew up in the country and I was unaware that she lived the other side of the valley and I could see her house everyday! I still can ! She would love to move back to the country as do I ...
She told me of instances where our paths had previously crossed many years ago which she remembers vividly. She said she has been attracted to me ever since our school days!
I do remember meeting her previously unfortunately I couldn't even look at another woman sideways without getting grilled by the mrs so it was easier to keep my head down:-/
Many of her messages said that if you'd have looked into my eyes back then you'd see exactly what you see now!
We just have so much in common, she's extremely grounded and is a devoted mother to her children. Unfortunately or not depending on how you look at it her husband walked out on her around 2 years ago but now wants to get back with her..
the stress of the whole situation has made her ill, so after many failed attempts of us not contacting each other we've finally stuck to it!
I miss her like you wouldn't believe! Even though we mainly just messaged each other over the course of our brief time together, just like i explained to her I fell for the person behind the messages regardless of appearance! I'm just hurting like mad! Really struggling without her.
The whole experience has left me wondering what if....
I told my partner that I wanted to leave- move out for a while and sort out what I should do... this obviously hasn't gone down well and she's totally turned herself around! She's trying absolutely everything to get me to stay! ( trying too hard) I've also tried to change to see if we can rekindle things... we've even booked an appointment to see a counsellor.
I keep asking is what I feel for the other woman actually real or am I just clinging on to a piece of hope? and a piece of my childhood? I'm in my early 40's and possibly panicking that time is running out in terms of actually making sure I'm on the right road..
She has made me feel alive again!!
What should I do??
Sorry a bit of a long story but here goes...
I've been with my partner for 20+ years . We have a child in their early teens, we've done and achieved lots together! Even built a house!
The last 10 yrs haven't felt quite right though, I just thought maybe this is just the norm after such a long time together.
The last 2 yrs have been really bad though! Especially the last 18 months!
I initially put this down to changing jobs and the house etc..
I've since discovered that she'd got us into debt, I also have a strong suspicion that she's also spent our childs savings!
She reduced her hours to under 30 per week, I work double that and she was quite happy to let me carry all the financial burden aswel attempting to get me to work even more hours!
Things came to a head and we had a huge argument which resulted in me taking complete control of all our finances. We are now back on track.. she's increased her hours and sharing responsibilities.
She's a lovely natured woman who is extremely kind and considerate in every other way. I think things just got out of control and she didn't want to alarm me.
However the last 18 months have been particularly difficult for me. I just don't seem to feel anything other than friendship for her anymore. I don't like holding hands and I even avoid kissing her whenever possible.
I find everything so boring. She seems quite happy just watching tv and letting everything mount up around her. I try my best to keep things up together but as fast as I tidy up the mess just reappears:-(
I found out a year ago that she'd borrowed money off my family without my knowledge and never paid them back.
So for the past year I've been seriously considering leaving,
Then about 3 months ago whilst out doing the weekly shopping I noticed that I was being observed by someone, I recognised the face but couldn't place it .. then I had a friend request which I accepted. Our paths crossed again less than a week later! Again she was looking at me to the point she nearly walked into something!
The next evening I had a private message from her, the penny dropped... it was a girl from my old school bus! She's about 5 years younger than me so that's probably why I struggled to place her. I replied and things just evolved from there...
We messaged each other all the time, she finally persuaded me to meet her. We had a long chat and went our separate ways..
That didn't last long.. I could feel something growing between us... I felt an instant spark when we first met and every time we got together after that I became more infatuated with her! We kissed several times and I haven't felt so alive in 20 years! It felt so sensual and just so right!
I know you're going to find this hard to believe but I wouldn't allow it to go any further than that. We both wanted it to but we both agreed it would be totally wrong! I know what we were doing was already wrong. But we did manage to draw a line.
Over the following weeks we constantly messaged each other on a daily basis until it became apparent that for both of us we both thought of each other from the moment we woke up until we went to sleep.
She told me where she grew up and what her parents were like, we both grew up in the country and I was unaware that she lived the other side of the valley and I could see her house everyday! I still can ! She would love to move back to the country as do I ...
She told me of instances where our paths had previously crossed many years ago which she remembers vividly. She said she has been attracted to me ever since our school days!
I do remember meeting her previously unfortunately I couldn't even look at another woman sideways without getting grilled by the mrs so it was easier to keep my head down:-/
Many of her messages said that if you'd have looked into my eyes back then you'd see exactly what you see now!
We just have so much in common, she's extremely grounded and is a devoted mother to her children. Unfortunately or not depending on how you look at it her husband walked out on her around 2 years ago but now wants to get back with her..
the stress of the whole situation has made her ill, so after many failed attempts of us not contacting each other we've finally stuck to it!
I miss her like you wouldn't believe! Even though we mainly just messaged each other over the course of our brief time together, just like i explained to her I fell for the person behind the messages regardless of appearance! I'm just hurting like mad! Really struggling without her.
The whole experience has left me wondering what if....
I told my partner that I wanted to leave- move out for a while and sort out what I should do... this obviously hasn't gone down well and she's totally turned herself around! She's trying absolutely everything to get me to stay! ( trying too hard) I've also tried to change to see if we can rekindle things... we've even booked an appointment to see a counsellor.
I keep asking is what I feel for the other woman actually real or am I just clinging on to a piece of hope? and a piece of my childhood? I'm in my early 40's and possibly panicking that time is running out in terms of actually making sure I'm on the right road..
She has made me feel alive again!!
What should I do??