Confused by my ex girlfriend contacting me

[Fire30]

We were dating almost a year, she said she was happy, we spent every weekend together. We would text all day and talk on the way to and from work. Then towards the end she wouldn't talk all the time or text me all day. So I asked her if she wanted to be with me. She responded by text saying it is more of a great friendship and doesn't want to lose me. I told her that I couldn't be friends after this. So we didn't talk again.

Two months go by and her dad calls me to bring his car in for service. He only would deal with me and talked to me for the time the vehicle was in. He left never bringing up his daughter.

So this past week has been almost 4 months we have not talked. I get to work and have two calls from her dad with a voice mail one after another. I didn't want to deal with it so I didn't call back so around noon he calls me again and I put it to voicemail. Finally I call him back and set up a time for him.

Next morning he shows up and does not leave my desk. He talks to me the whole time his other car was in which he was early by a month for service. Still he has not brought her up. I told him how the job was and his car was ready and waiting for him but he still kept talking. Finally I motioned towards the car and told him have a great day.

Woke up at midnight to a text from his daughter saying "hi. Heard about your job. Hope you find something" . I waited a day to respond because I wasn't sure why she bothered texting me after all these months. So then a day later she responds and seems to almost mimic the length I do. So Friday I get a text from her after she got out of work and I waited a couple hours to respond. After that she doesn't respond til midnight saying it would be nice to see me. I responded the next morning and heard back from her an hour later asking me whose house I'm sitting for and that it was my friend and his wife that her and I spent a lot of time with.

So I said that I would be grilling and having a bon fire so she asked if I was going to be by myself and where they went. That was yesterday afternoon and I haven't heard back from her since.

Today when my friend and his wife got home I talked to them about it and my friends wife said she doesn't talk to her anymore but saw she is dating someone from her fb and saw it a while ago, kinda mad she didn't tell me that before so I wouldn't of responded at all this past week. She told me his name and I think it's her ex from before me. I just don't get why all the sudden she feels the need to text me and contact me when I told her I don't want to be just friends. Am I reading into it too much?

[WiltedRose]

You obviously had a impact on her and her dad visiting you had brought it back to light, and she may have broken up or things aren't going to well with her bf or she wouldn't have texted you. But would you go back there it is something worth persuing? Esp if she is still with her bf would you even trust her?

[TheEvilJester]

To be perfectly honest with you, my personal advice would be to stop responding and just let her fade back into obscurity again. If she tries to keep talking to you, try to subtly hint disinterest. If she doesn't take the hint, then just politely say "It was great catching up, but I have moved on. I am not interested in being friends and that hasn't changed. But, I don't mean any hard feelings, I do honestly wish you the very best." Something like that, anyway.

Honestly, there could be a number of various reasons why she'd reach back out. Could be she is regretting letting you go, could be something entirely different. From my personal view, though, it really doesn't matter. She had you but didn't appreciate you enough to keep you. And, hey, that is honestly okay. Maybe she just didn't feel you two hit it off enough for her. If so, then she honestly did do the right thing to let you go rather than string you along. ....But, she needs to stick to that decision and not play games like this. It isn't fair of her to come back around like this when she knows you aren't interested in being friends. Heck, even if she WAS interested in getting back together, I think I'd personally advise you against it.

Sometimes our past is best left in the past. I think this may be one of those times. But, again, that is just my personal advice/thoughts on the matter. You have to do what feels right for you.

[Fire30]

I appreciate the responses. I was doing great until I got the message from her, haven't heard from her since saturday which is fine and glad I don't have it showing up. I do miss being with her bit don't want to be on the sideline. I am not wanting to play games and made it for about not being friends and I will stick to that. I'm just afraid if the opportunity came that I would fall for it. I have now forwarded anytime her dad calls to have to deal with someone else to cut those ties also. I dealt with another ex like this and don't feel it would be the same scenario. Just going to ignore her if she does text me and see if I can just let it go hopefully. Feelings are still there which sucks.

[TheEvilJester]

I hear you. Sometimes it can be hard to let go of feelings even when you know you'd be better off. Even when somebody is very wrong for you. I don't know if she is very wrong for you or not, but either way she is part of your past and probably better left there.

In time, your feelings will fade. I know sometimes it doesn't feel that way where you are in the moment. But, in time they will. In time, no matter how good it may or may not have been when you two were together, you'll remember that she let you go anyway. You'll remember that anybody who could do that, who had you but didn't value you, doesn't deserve you anyway. When you really think about it, wouldn't you rather be with somebody who sees the value in you? Somebody who wouldn't dare to risk losing you? Even if she DID come back and want to get back with you.... would you really want somebody who needed to lose you to see your value? Who had you, but was willing to let you go?

Good luck to you.

[Fire30]

Thank you. I'm definitely evaluating everything. She hasn't texted me since the weekend, so I am good now showing that there's no interest. I am not going to be someone's sideline.

[Hooo!]

So you would consider really giving both of yourselves a fresh opportunity to create a beautiful and loving relationship but you would not consider being her sideline?

[Fire30]

I just do not feel like being on the sideline is a good thing.

Since I last posted, i found out she broke up with her boyfriend. She has been texting me non stop for the past week talking about things we used to do that she misses. She also keeps saying how my friends probably don't like her. I'm just still not sure but trying to see what she truly wants.

[pcmaster]

Do you trust her? Do you want to spend time with her. She could be ready to start new things with you.

[richiro]

Fire... unfortunate as it is - the truth is not everybody is on the up and up and does the right thing. There are many people that use people out there - in fact most people are just users now.
She is basically showing her true colors to you and you aren't seeing it, because you are only focused on "what does she want with me". Her true colors are. She's a serial dater (i thikn that's the term). She LOVES the newness of dating/relatinoships, but gets bored easily and thus moves from one to the next to the next. She goes back to ex's because those are easier to rekindle than find and start over with new people.

These are people that live in the clouds and want the fantasy, but are unwilling to do the work of reality.

time to lose her.
Time to quit giving "daddy" special treatment. It's okay if he's nice and talks business - but not if he's expecting favors and favorable treatment b/c you used to date his daughter.

Do't let others dictate to you. You decide what's right for you and stick to that and don't let others alter that on you. (and that's what it sounds like ex- and dad are doing to you.. moreso the ex-.. possibly the dad.. not sure on him).

Good luck.