Is it time to leave?

[TcatMcat]

I will try to keep this as concise as possible. I have been with a man for six years. The first year was absolutely perfect; it also was my first real relationship and I was 19. After a year, I almost left him; I don't have a real reason, just had an overwhelming feeling to leave. I stayed and about three months later those feelings reemerged and I almost left again. We then decided to work it out and a week later I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic; he was not, because he thought I was staying because I was pregnant. My almost leaving him twice shattered his trust and I feel horrible for doing that to him. During my whole pregnancy, he was extremely distant and wanted nothing to do with my pregnancy. After our son was born, he became more distant and treated me terribly. When our son was eight months old, I left his father. A week later he informed me that he had been having an emotional affair with a woman from work for approx. the last year. Said he made a mistake and wanted to get back together. I tried to forgive him and we gave it another try. He was nice for about two months and then became emotionally abusive again (threats, name calling, controlling, manipulating, etc). I left him again. The night I left he had his emotional affair girl in our bed. He then told me that we could make this work and we never really tried etc. So we got back together, went to couples counseling where he never really talked and just let me do all the talking and then told me how stupid I sounded afterwards. I then realized he was a pretty intense emotional abuser and has been for the last four years. I have now become completely distant from him. I don't trust him whatsoever. He has totally destroyed my self esteem and somehow makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave. I don't think he's being abusive at this time, but I know I'm not very good at recognizing it. I just feel so guilty and so unsure if I'm making the right decision to leave. I want what is best for my son, but I also want to be happy if that's even ever possible again. Any suggestions would help. I'm just so tired of doubting myself.

[Hooo!]

What do you want?

[TcatMcat]

What do you want?

I think I want to leave. I have grown to seriously dislike this person. When we're not together, I feel like I know exactly what to do. When we're together, he makes all these statements like you're ruining our family, what about our son, shouldn't he get a chance to be happy. Then I feel like a horrible person and like maybe this is all my fault. I just can't think clearly when I'm around him

[pcmaster]

You are right. This guy is really toxic. You are better off without him.

[Hooo!]

Where would you go and what would you do if you were to leave?
What would happen to your life as you describe it in rich details?

[Zora001]

I think it is time for you to leave.