sticky situation

[carlito4n]

Hi all.. I find myself in a sticky situation. 9 months ago, i met this girl online, and we decided to meet. One thing led to another, and within a month i asked her how she'd feel about dating me exclusively. She agreed, so as of January this year, we started dating. Another 'rule' we both agreed upon was that we wouldn't see other people, as, in her words, 'one dick is enough'. She did, however, say it was OK for me to date another girl (just one), but ONLY if i first told her about it. A '3some' with another guy, however, was totally against her moral fiber.

To this day, i haven't taken an opportunity as such.

I would only generally see her every 2nd weekend, as she told me that she was busy looking after her mother mostly full-time, who'd recently been diagnosed with Cancer. Also, there were 2 younger siblings she needed to help out while her mother was ill.

She missed my son's birthday, and, on my birthday (within a couple of months of us dating), she flared up accusing me of having an affair, based on some old (pre our relationship) social media conversations she found. She made my life a living hell that day, but for absolutely NO substantial reason.

A few days later, she moved in with me.

Consequently, just after my birthday, i found some startling evidence on her phone, that she had been having an affair, not only with one person, but several. Adding to this, on my son's birthday, she had a 3some unbeknownst to me, with some guy she'd met on Wechat.

That guy even told her to take a morning after pill, and she agreed without any hesitation, although, again, against her moral fiber. I know this, because a month earlier i suggested we could take one in future, she scolded me, and told me HOW COULD YOU BELIEVE TO JUST END AN INNOCENT LIFE JUST LIKE THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE A CONSIDERATION, and that it was WRONG.

WHen confronted with this evidence, she lied and lied and lied, and claimed it was all FICTITIOUS. I had to threaten her with a restraining order, before she finally told me 30% of the truth.

Turns out she didn't even bother visiting her mother, she was gallivanting around our area, spending nights with guys from social media platforms.

I told her that was IT. Told her i wanted to end the relationship, and that she had to LEAVE FOREVER. SHe declined, and told me that i'd promised her accommodation. She tried to stab herself with a kitchen knife, and screamed the place down. Since then, this, in summary, is what has happaned:

i allowed her to stay, and tried to forgive her
she agreed that i could monitor her online activity, as she doesn't trust herself
she has slept with 2 guys, latest being last week, for money (and lied and lied about it of course)
she has handed her numbers out to 3 guys she was interested in, and, again, lied about it
she has jumped out of my moving car when i told her that i'd had enough of her lying, and she ended up in hospital.
she has made promise after promise that she wouldn't lie again, but continues to lie.

Now that she is stable, and she is working, she seems less bothered when i threaten to end the relationship.

Now, this is where the problem really starts. Before, i was totally OK with ending it, and justified ending it completely. NOW, i can't operate properly without her in my life. She is caring, loving, grateful, beautiful, amazing lover etc.. , but she is a LIAR of the greatest kind, and shows zero remorse for cheating, or even having sex for money (she calls it 'business') with a calm non regretting attitude. Of course, she lied when confronted, told me that it'd mean that she'd 'lose her dignity FOREVER if she actually did that deed, but, when she realized she may lose her work because of it, she finally told the truth.

Is she a prostitute? or a nymphomaniac perhaps? Our sex is the greatest ever, she orgasms virtually every time after long and enduring sessions. I'm adding this because even though i am totally satisfying her sexually, she still has external desires that she wishes to fulfill without my knowledge.

I have never cheated on her even once, i am always good to her, and since the start i have only loved her nothing more nothing less.

Can someone advise me what i must do cos right now im dying inside.

PS: i would also like to add that this girl is cute, angelic looking. Nobody could/would ever believe this when looking or conversing with her. SHe is the epitome of innocence!

[TheEvilJester]

Believe me, I wish I could offer other advice... but I cannot do that in good conscience. This is NOT one time where I can offer the advice I personally think is best... but then also offer some thoughts for the other side in case that may be the way in which you lean. This time, I would not feel that is right.

She has lied to you repeatedly. Not just little white lies either. She has cheated on you.... yet accused you of cheating on her and treated you like garbage for an imagined offense you never committed. So, she's a cheater AND a hypocrite. You've tried to do the right thing and end the relationship, and she freaks out like a psycho and hurts herself. How long until she does lasting damage to herself.... or escalates to hurting you or somebody else?

Not only that, but she LIED about taking care of her sick mother to CHEAT ON YOU. It can't get much lower than using her poor mother's health issues to her own benefit like that. To use that as an excuse for not being able to see you on a given day so she can really go and cheat on you. This girl doesn't deserve you. It would be one thing if she wanted an open relationship and was clear about that from the start. But, the fact that she blatantly and repeatedly lies is completely wrong.

I know you have sort of fallen for her two where part of you doesn't want to let her go. I can understand how you feel.... but you deserve better. I know that sometimes when you get bit, you get bit bad, so to speak. Somebody can really get under your skin and you feel in love, like you can't bear to lose them. This, like your case, can even be when they are so bad for you. The thing is, you feel that way now, but believe me, in time you would get past that. In time, if you got away from her, you would realize how much better off you are without her. You would realize how much you deserve better.

If you did decide to break up with her and she threatens or even proceeds to harm herself (or anybody else) again, I honestly would recommend reporting her to the police. I don't say that heartlessly, the point is she may need help, and they would make sure to get her the help she needs so she doesn't hurt herself. I would say she may just be making empty threats, but it sounds like she's actually followed through in the past. You certainly shouldn't be stuck with somebody who is bad for you just because you fear they couldn't handle the break-up.

It almost sounds like that is what happened before. You were done with her... but then she freaked out and you stayed because you were worried she'd hurt herself. Then she manipulated you and got under your skin so that you would feel like YOU couldn't live without HER.... and now she figures she has you trapped. Does that really sound like somebody you want in your life?

Good luck to you. Sincerely. I truly hope you find somebody who treats you the way you deserve. Hell, maybe that CAN be her. I certainly can't know. If she can actually manage to grow up and treat you right, then great. I just hope you care enough about yourself to get out of the situation if she only brings you more pain.

[Hooo!]

The moment she tries to hurt herself it's time for the professionals to step in
In a closed ward

And I mean that. Not in a disrespectful or unrealistic way.
She bullies you into a way of living by blackmailing you. As in either you do as she sais or she is going to hurt herself because of you.

In fact it is not you who is causing any of that. She is doing the stupid things and you are letting her getting on with that.

She needs professional help as soon as possible

And you need to get your child away from her as soon as possible. She is dangerous. And probably not only to herself.

[Snow White]

What is obvious is that this woman has serious issues, but I can not be anything but honest by saying YOU have some major issues of your own. You are aware of all of these less than "normal" behaviors, but you have decided to not walk away.

This woman is a compulsive liar, a manipulator, and is sexually irresponsible. Now that she is doing well according to you, she is less threatened by a break up, but that makes you seem to want her more. She may seem obviously crazy, but honestly, YOU seem crazier to me. Ask yourself or better yet your therapist why you would want to be treated so disrespectfully?