I'm in love with my best friend. Advice please.

[Prodigal]

Well, I agree with most of what has been said in here... it pretty much seems right to just move on. In response to other things that have been said:

Not listening to what she has to say about her boyfriend: Um, I don't know about this... really depends on how you feel Mike. I mean, if you like listening to her problems and helping her out... then I don't see why you should stop. Friends listen to other friends' shit. I mean, if you're only doing it because you're attracted to her and want to be more... then yeah, that could be something you want to stop.

Telling her your feelings: This could be a possibility, if you're committed to this girl. If you really, really feel like there's nothing better (or at least, it'll be very hard to find someone better), then I guess this is in the realm of possibility. I wouldn't recommend it, though... there are many problems that stem from this. If it doesn't work, it could mean a strain on the friendship with both of your friends... you lose quite a bit here. If you DO get her (chances aren't very high, though.. sorry), you basically make an enemy out of your other friend.

[whaywardj]

Yep, Asip. There's always HER.

"I've lost my car keys, my equilibrium, and my pride.
The tattoo parlor looks warm, so I hustle there inside.
The grinding of the buzzsaw, 'What you want that thing to say?'
I say, 'Don't misspell her name, man. She's the one that got away.'"

-- Tom Waits

[okibo]

Mike I had a very similiar problem to yours for quite a while and I acutally got to go out with the girl and the relationship was not what I expected and I did not like the position (of course the scenarios are not identical) but I think the problem is that I was to narrow minded in the way I looked at her and other girls, I thought she was perfect and no other girl could meet her standard but just last night I was proven wrong and I was taken out of the narrow minded point of view. Last night was my sisters wedding and we had a big party afterwards, I was dreading it a bit because i was a bit younger than everybody else there (I'm only 15 but ive gone through a bit of love troubles), by coincidence there was a screw up with ther seating arrangments so I had no table to sit at for the reception, I spotted a very attractive young girl and me being the shy guy taht I am stood there pondering if I should go and ask if the seat is taken, after much thinking I said "why not im here to have fun and meeting a pretty attractive girl would be nice" so I go and sit I talk to her parents for a while and then her mom introduces me to the young lady, after a bit o ftalking it turns out she loves to dance so I again the shyness came into play and there were a few moments of that strange silence untill I thought I gotta suck it up and ask her to dance, so I did and we danced, at first it was normal and then more intimatethere was definatly a spark there, and that really opened my eyes and all the while i wasnt thinking about that girl I worked so hard to get, I wasnt even thinking about if I should get together with the girl I was dancing with, I was thinking of how good it felt to finally be taken out of that situation, because believe it or not (I didnt at first) there are more girls out there, many more amazing girls, you just gotta give it a chance. And that is my advice to you, give it a chance and try to get out of that narrow point of view

Take care Mike

Seb (or okibo)

[whaywardj]

How true, Seb. How true.

[mini696]

I speak from experience. Maybe thats why I'm a bit forceful. I have done a similar thing twice.

Once I left it go and later found out she liked me and it was the worst thing to find that out when I didn't do anything.

The other time, I asked her out (after her BF broke it off), and she said no.

So I have done it both ways.... Not tell her (to find out I should have), and to tell her (only to be shot down).

Would I ask again? Hell yeah... I'm 25 and have missed too many wonderful women by being an idiot and worrying too much.

Mick

PS Even though I dont have these girls phone numbers any longer, whenever we cross paths, we are still great friends. We still remained friends after the shit had gone down too.

[whaywardj]

MIKE! -- Here's what it might look like from her POV: "I am a 24 year old married woman who is trying to find out herself and her feelings about her marriage. I have been married for 2 years and I consider my husband like a brother , it almost disgust me when touches me intimately. I have tried for a year, to serve him, to spend time with him..I still feel the same way....Can feelings come ?"

It's from a new poster in Introductions.

[xxMikexx]

I kind of got behind with my responses to this, but im glad to see that it got so many replys, so thanks for that. This is kind of a reply to all the other replys I've gotten.
Firstly, altough I dont know that she would be happier with me, i do know that she is being treated like shit by her current boyfriend and she hates it, and i know she deserves someone better. I actually just finished talking to her and because of the things he has been doing over the last few days she is seriously thinking of breaking the relationship off, and it has mainly just been recently (the past month or so) that they have been having real problems, and she doesnt really want to break up because they have been dating for 3 years, and most of the time everything was good. Also, I really dont mind when she comes to me with her problems, because Ive been friends with her since kindergarden, and help her out as a friend, and I try my best to put being a good friend before anything of my other feelings. About my relationships with her and her boyfriend we have all been friends for a long time, and I consider them both very good friends, and we hang out all the time, which is why it would make it even harder if anything ever did come from this, because i would know that i "stole" her from my other friend.
I try my best not to show any romantic feelings for her, and ive always been one to not express my feelings, so i dont think, that she would suspect anything. But as a friend i just want her to be happy, whether it be with me or not, so i guess i will just do my best to get over it. and thanks again for everyones help.

-mike

[mini696]

Hope it works out bro.

[Tone]

You wouldn't have stole her, he would have lost her. Big difference. You haven't admitted any feelings to her, she's not interested in you other than a friend right now, so how could you be "stealing" her?

You might call me a scumbag, but in all honesty if I was in your situation - I'd just ask her straight up "Why are you still with him if he hurts you all the time" etc etc. And not to try to get her for myself, but for what's best for her - which is obviously not him, and I'd let her know that, being a friend. I'd tell her the truth, and not just what she wants to hear ("Everything will be alright!")

Good luck.

[xxMikexx]

Yeah over the past few days, with alot of thanks to all your advice, Im starting to get over her already. And Tone, I agree, next time she comes to me crying about her boyfriend, i think im just gonna tell her the truth, that she shouldnt be with him, because he really does treat her like shit, breaks promises, and makes her cry weekly. Even though hes my friend, hes a really shitty boyfriend and she needs to realize that, and as a friend i should try to help her. thanks

-mike

[Tone]

Exactly and np man, I really really really really hope everything works out for you and her. I'm sure it will if she has any sense ;)