I'm in love with my best friend. Advice please.

[xxMikexx]

Hi, well I'm new here, but I have a problem, and advice would be greatly appreciated. Well, I have this friend, and I've known her since kindergarden (we are now in grade 11) and we've always been friends and I've been attracted to her for ever. But now, we have become like best friends, and Ive fallen in love with her. Ive never felt like this for anyone before and i think about her all the time, especially over the past few weeks shes all thats on my mind. Heres the problem, she has a boyfriend of 3 years, and he is also a really good friend of mine. But he doesnt treat her as well as he should, or as well as I think i could, and he is always making her so upset, and then she comes to me and I make it better, he doesnt deserve someone so perfect. I know she could be happier with me, but she says that she considers me like a brother, which really hurts, so I dont know if it could be anything more. I'm so confused right now, I dont know what to do, I love being around her, but at the same time it kills me inside to know we will probably only be friends. What should I do? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

-mike

[Asip4u]

Mike, any time a girl tells you that she thinks of you as a brother, it usually means she wouldn't consider anything else other then friendship. There's really not much you can do but be her friend, if you can still do that. In the long run, things might happen if she decides to break up with her b/f however you have to decide whether you can stand being around especially with the way you feel about her. If you cannot, it's better that you move on simply because it's gonna hurt a lot less now. You don't want to force her to do anything and she's obviously with him so you have to respect that no matter how much you think is wrong.

[whaywardj]

Hear, hear, Asi. I agree with that post.

[xxMikexx]

I was afraid that would be the case. I've been trying to get rid of these feelings but I just cant do it. So I guess I'm just going to have to deal with it, no matter how hard it is. But thank you for the advice and quick responses.

-mike

[Asip4u]

No problem Mike. It's hard but you'll get through it. Remember, it's a big world out there, don't spend so much time thinking about one person who doesn't feel the same way about you. Just like everyone else, she's got her flaws. You probably can't see that now since you're blinded by love but with time you will and the right one will come along. Good Luck.

[xxMikexx]

Yeah, your probably right. Thanks again.

-mike

[Sami09]

I am sorry Mike that you are sad about the result if she happy with her bf i guess you just got to let her be happy with him. I would try and forget about her and look for a girl that is single if she thinks of you as a brother there is no chance you guys will hook up. good luck and for the time its really hard on you but it will get better

Hi, well I'm new here, but I have a problem, and advice would be greatly appreciated. Well, I have this friend, and I've known her since kindergarden (we are now in grade 11) and we've always been friends and I've been attracted to her for ever. But now, we have become like best friends, and Ive fallen in love with her. Ive never felt like this for anyone before and i think about her all the time, especially over the past few weeks shes all thats on my mind. Heres the problem, she has a boyfriend of 3 years, and he is also a really good friend of mine. But he doesnt treat her as well as he should, or as well as I think i could, and he is always making her so upset, and then she comes to me and I make it better, he doesnt deserve someone so perfect. I know she could be happier with me, but she says that she considers me like a brother, which really hurts, so I dont know if it could be anything more. I'm so confused right now, I dont know what to do, I love being around her, but at the same time it kills me inside to know we will probably only be friends. What should I do? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

-mike

[xxMikexx]

Yeah, its going to be hard, especially because I see her all the time and I do want her to be happy, because she is still one of my best friends. The thing is, most of the time she isnt happy with her boyfriend, which makes it even harder, he is constantly making her cry, and treating her badly, and she then comes to me to make her feel better. But I guess thats my job as her friend anyways, and I still love being her friend, and thank you for your response.

-mike

[whaywardj]

Uh...XXM -- If it were me, I'd kind of put the brakes on the "coming to you when her b/f treats bad routine." I wouldn't be harsh or anything, but I'd certainly let her know that my feelings for her were a little more complicated than merely 'friendly' (for God's sake, DON'T tell her you love her!), and that playing the role of a comforter to her was highly UNCOMFORTABLE for me. (Actually, I WAS harsh one time; I told the girl, "Next time your b/f treats you bad and you feel like wiping sniffles from your nose, I'd appreciate it if you'd use a Kleenex instead of my feelings.")

If she's your friend, she'll respect your position. If you're her friend, you'll make it clear to her you're not there to help her duck working out her problems with her b/f by being available for such things.

Finally, if there's at all a chance she can ever see you in a different light, squelching the "comforting friend" role in this way will show her the opening to take...if she wants to.

Above all, though, I wouldn't interfere with her relationship with her b/f, however bad I thought it was. I just wouldn't be available in any way that helped it to continue. Comforting her every time she comes to you after he treats her poorly does just that.

[Asip4u]

(Actually, I WAS harsh one time; I told the girl, "Next time your b/f treats you bad and you feel like wiping sniffles from your nose, I'd appreciate it if you'd use a Kleenex instead of my feelings.")

lol...whaywardj, i did that too...Yea it's definitely being a bit extreme but at the same time i didn't want to be used like that...as usual good points...It's gonna take some time for him to realize this, there's probably a little bit of a desperation factor there as well. A lot of times you have to go through something bad to reach the good.

[xxMikexx]

I dont know if i can bring myself to tell her i had any feelings for her other than friendship, in fear of ruining the friendship we have. But that is really good advice and i will try it. So thanks a lot.

P.S. haha. Your right, that was a pretty harsh way of going about things.

[whaywardj]

"A lot of times you have to go through something bad to reach the good."

Ugh. Ain't that the truth, Asip. I hate it when that happens. Trying to avoid having to go through it is why I spend a lot of time gauging what kind of hits I think I can comfortably absorb BEFORE I take any love-crazed leaps into affairs of the heart.

[mini696]

I have a few comments/questions.

*How do you know you will be better for her than her current BF?
*She's NOT perfect...
*If things are that bad with her BF, and she can talk about her problems with someone, then she would have left him already.
*Don't worry about her thinking of you as a brother. It a common cliche which means different things to many people.
*If you aren't comfortable with her using you as a tissue, then tell her. Put a stop to her crap and don't allow her to use you like that.
*I need more detail about your relationship.
-With her.
-With your friend.
-Your friend and her.
*Women don't like desperate guys. Hanging around for her makes you look desperate, and she can smell that on you from a mile off.

And the biggest point.
*SHE KNOWS YOU LIKE HER.


What would I do in your situation?
Unless you can do item 1. you'll have to do the whole lot below.

1. Get over her, and find someone else.
If you cant get over her...

2. Don't listen to her complain about her BF anymore.
3. Tell her you have feelings for her.
4. Tell your friend. -How can you steel a GF from your friend anyway?


Mick

Mick

[whaywardj]

Mini -- Damn. You're a pushy little shit, aren't you?

[Asip4u]

whaywardj, sometimes it's unavoidable..I've learnt from my mistakes and definitely take a similar approach to deal with those things. Anything too big, i back out and find something that i'm more comfortable with. There are still a few that will surprise you...We end up asking: "How did i not see that coming?"