pmac is a liar

[pmac]

Telling him why which he deserves is going to be tough. I have thought of a thousand reasons why but the truth is they are all bullshit to make me look good. The truth is tougher. I am selfish. I dont know what else it could be. At least he knows. If he cant handle it and leaves it wont be because of a lie now.

[whaywardj]

You know, pmac, these kinds of things can be OVER-talked about. The talking, sometimes, just keeps digging open wounds that often might be best left to heal on their own for time. It was very courageous of you to 'fess up and of him to want move on and get passed it. Maybe you guys could let it go at that for a little while and put the why and wherefore questions on a back burner for a little while to put some distance between youselves and the sad event. Wait until things are less tender before you go on excavating even more deeply into a hurtful circumstance.

Don't be so hard on yourself for being selfish. You're not alone in that. The only reason affairs happen at all in an otherwise acceptable realtionship is because someone is being selfish. Such selfish impulses are not in the least unique to you. It's not that you are selfish which matters. We all are to varying degrees. It's how you manage your selfishness which matters. I'd say you've just had a hard enough lesson in that. You're regretful. You've told the truth. You've apologized. You're taking the experience deeply to heart, it seems, re-evaluatiiog yourself in many ways. And it will will remain with you in one way or another for a long, long time, affecting your thinking and, one would hope, your behavior far into your future.

I see no purpose in damaging yourself over it much further beyond all that.

I'd ask for a respite before I subjected myself to answering any more painful questions. For a little time to heal, understand more fully, and to learn how to begin being with each other again with this in your history. Not a lot of time. A few days. A week or so. Just enough for you catch your breath and for him to take notice of the little, unspoken things you, if you are sincere, are very much more likely than not to start doing to make your contributions to recreating trust. Keep in mind, it won't be the same trust you once shared. You destroyed that trust. It can't be got back. It will have to be a brand new trust. One, we'd hope, you'll handle very much more carefully than you did the old, now dead, one.

You are both different people now. Try to recognize that in each other and start again with those people. Let the old ones go.

EDIT: One other thing occurs to me. For reasons I've never been able to understand, people tend to remember bad things more vividly than good things and they tend to carry more weight. You can do something nice for a person ten times and do something bad to them just ONCE, and they will discount the ten good things, and over-value the one bad thing. It may take more work than you initially imagine to get through this thing you've made.

[pmac]

Well I hope that you are right Hayward. We are going to take that approach for a few weeks and just work on us

[Rosebud]

That's good Pmac, you need to do that. You need to find out why all this happened and work on being a stronger couple because of it. Godd luck to you!

[mhussain]

*sigh* ...

[sick-deano]

Nice read. I was trying to imagine pmac as my ex, i wish she had things going through her mind like that.