Part 7:
She's incredibly indecisive and she says that she is.
When I was telling her she was beautiful and she wasn't fat, she kept disputing me. Saying
"that's not true."
"how can you honestly say these things when they just aren't true."
"i think i'd know, mike. i know me."
"there're just so many things wrong with me."
Emily, there's nothing wrong with you at all.
"see, how can you say that? Everything's wrong with me and I'm going to fix it."
What do you mean... fix it...?
"surgery"
Emily, don't say that. Don't you ever say that.
"nothing major, just the little things that are wrong."
Like what?
"everything"
Emily, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
"I don't see how you can say these things. You're the only one that thinks this way and says these things."
That stuff was all pre-"the talk."
Then today (1/22/2006) we got to talking about it again,
Mike: you can tell me, you know
Mike: if something happened to you
Mike: that makes you feel teh way you do
Emily: oh i know i could
Emily: but nothing has
Emily: iv'e just always felt a certain way about myself
Mike: and i guess i don't get how you just don't want a relationship with anyone, period
Mike: there has to be some other reason
Emily: well it's not like i've sworn them off forever or anything
Emily: i just don't want one now
Mike: you're sure that's the only reason?
Mike: you aren't just sugar-coating anything?
Emily: if you mean
Emily: something about you i have a problem with
Emily: no
Emily: i'm not sugar-coating anything
Mike: okay
Mike: then i believe you
Mike: i just needed to know, you know?
Emily: of course, yeah
Emily: i'm glad you believe me
Mike: i do
Mike: you're one of the sweetest people i've met, ever
Emily: i hope you find someone else, really
Emily: cos i suck
Mike: i don't know
Mike: i just think you might have some things you have to work out in your life
Mike: i could be wrong.
Emily: yeah, i know i do,
Emily: i dont know how closely any of it relates to this
Emily: but yeah
Emily: i mean,
Emily: i suck for you, cos you're so sweet and i'm just pushing it away
Emily: so i hope you find someone you can be sweet to who won't
Mike: yeah, alright.
Emily: i do appreciate you though, i hope you know
Mike: it's when you say things like that, i just don't get it
Mike: yeah, i know
Emily: it's just not what i want right now
Emily: that's all i can say
Emily: and
Emily: i was thinking about what you said, how it just feels right
Mike: right
Emily: and i realized that it's never really totally felt that way to me
Emily: it always felt good,
Emily: but there was always something in the back of my mind
Emily: and again
Emily: it's nothing you did, it's just me and what i don't want
Mike: what's in the back of your mind though?
Emily: i couldn't even tell you
Emily: it has never felt right though
Mike: alright
Mike: at least i know how you felt
Emily: i liked it,
Emily: but i always felt bad about doing it cos it didn't feel right
Mike: if that's how you feel, then that's how you feel
Emily: yeah
Emily: thanks for being so good about it
Mike: it's just, doing what we did
Mike: most friends, at least friends i know, don't do that
Emily: i know
Emily: and that's why i felt bad
Emily: cos i don't want a relationship
Mike: right
Emily: and that was all very relationship-like stuff
Mike: yeah
Then later on:
Emily: so we're good?
Mike: yeah
Mike: we are
Emily: good
Mike: just snap back to where we were
Mike: not let things get weird after this
Emily: minus the heavy flirtation/cuddling, maybe
Emily: yeah no, i don't want weird
So, yeah.