Question about why girl always bring up ex

[boaboaboa]

I have been dating with this girl quite often. We've been talking on the phone almost everyday. I am falling for this girl and I think this girl also has some interest in me. However, everytime when we have a conversation, somehow she always brought up her ex. She always complains to me of how her ex pissed her off all the time and how she's so unhappy about her ex.

Here's my question. What exactly is this girl thinking? I mean, she always brought this up in our conversation. Am I just happen to be a great person to relieve her stress or complain on her ex? Does she simply want me to listen to her complain about how evil her ex? or is she trying to imply that she's still care about her ex a lot (that's why she's so pissed of what he does after they broke up, even though she insist that she won't get back with him anymore)? What is the whole purpose of telling me how badly her bf treated her? Is she trying to imply something to me or am I just thinking too much? Please comment! thanks

[Ellynn]

Ok, I know its VERY annoying that she brings up her ex, but i highly doubt its because she wants to be with him again.

Sometimes I bring one or two of my ex's up in conversations with guys, but its mainly because I'm VERY cautious and skeptical about relationships. There were a few things in past relationships that REALLY hurt me. So, I bring up stuff from the past(yes I know this is really stupid and very annoying). I just have casually mentioned random stuff just to see what the guy would say and what his opinion would be about it. But, the good thing is, I don't do this ALL the time.

I think if anything she's just still VERY hurt about the whole situation with her last relationship with him. So, just casually tell her that you realize that she been hurt, but the best thing to do is to let it go and to focus on the present and just to take a chance with you and see where it goes.

[thinker]

She is not ready for you. Period.

You say you have been dating, and you think she MIGHT have feelings for you? Isn't that backwards???

This girl is CLEARLY not over her ex and is being a huge asshole to be starting some sort of relationship with you while she is in this state. Trust me, get out of it. Now. She will only hurt you.

The thing with exes... well to really be over them, it is a sort of indifference. It is a mature decision that we make, not denying the past, but accepting what has happened and remembering the moments, but realizing the futility of continued effort spent on it. Now, on the other hand, if someone is still very angry, brings it up every chance she gets, revolves her life around this, then she still has very strong feelings for him. These feelings are most likely the result of lots of good feelings for him that turned sour after the break up, and they need time an maturity to simmer down. She is not there yet, and sounds like she will not be for a LLOOOOONNNNGGGGG time, so don't get involved with her. Tell her that it pisses you off to constantly hear about this guy and be compared to him. Tell her you know she still has strong feelings for him and that YOU will not subject yourseld to being her rebound ex-venting-bitch. Let her know SHE needs to shape up before you can shape in. (I made that one up myself) Yeah, just tell her whats up and go SLOW and make sure she is ready, because at this rate you will end up very hurt because she is very volatile and isn't thinking straight.

[King Zarathu]

I'm with thinker on this one.

[vashti]

Either her complaining about him means that she isn't ready to move on yet, or it has become a habit. Tell her you aren't interested in hearing about him anymore, and if she can't handle that, she isn't ready for you.

[Gigabitch]

You've heard of the seven stages of loss? She appears to be stuck at the Anger stage. Tell her it's a drag. Ask her if she's like to spend the next two hours in an ex-free zone.

See if she can do it.

[Illusional]

whoa...something that i can really relate to. alright, so my last gf, i was friends with her for many years before we actually hooked up. her bf before me, they were together for roughly 3 years, much after i started being friends with her. so in my case, as her bf, i was the shoulder there for her when she has problems with her ex and unfortunately it continued into the relationship. and it ****ing pissed me off, serisously we had some long talks about it. if your case is different, then i would think it is unjust to you.

you shouldn't have to endure all that bullshit. tell her that it bothers you and if shit doesn't change, then you're gonna change gf. it will wisen her up.

raverboy

[Alison]

I totally agree with Thinker. She clearly isn't over her ex yet, so it'd be best to leave her alone for now. But if you like each other you could become great friends. Even if you're interested in her as a girlfriend, I think it would be good to just be friends for now.

[Lhiz]

You've heard of the seven stages of loss? She appears to be stuck at the Anger stage. Tell her it's a drag. Ask her if she's like to spend the next two hours in an ex-free zone.

See if she can do it.

im just curious what are the seven stages of loss????
tnx

[Gigabitch]

(1) Shock or Disbelief that the loss has occured.
(2) Denial is the stage in which the person refuses to accept the loss has occured.
(3) In the Bargaining stage, the person attempts to reconcile the loss by making deals with other people, sometimes also with Diety.
(4) Guilt is marked by statements of "if only I had done/been . . . ".
(5) Anger is a natural stage everyone must pass. Anger may be directed toward the loss, the person lost, or even Diety.
(6) Depression is a stage that comes and goes throughout the grief process. Resignation at the end of the depression indicates that the truth of the loss has been accepted and the person is ready to move on.
(7) Acceptance and Hope means that you understand your life will never be the same but it will go on with meaning and hope.

[King Zarathu]

I'm going to touch Giga 7 times and throw her into 7th heaven.

rar!

[Gigabitch]

Oh, behave!

[King Zarathu]

Yes ma'am.


::points at Giga::

You're an old lady!

[Gigabitch]

(Giga goes back to her knitting and Murder, She Wrote DVD)

[King Zarathu]

(Giga goes back to her knitting

::points at Giga::

You're PREGNANT!