I'm 31, she's 28 and a roommate, Can I ask her out on a date,only known her for 3 ds?

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

Okay, here's the situation:

The Jazz Festival is going to be held this weekend.

Since I don't get to see and talk to her often cause she's always either in her room or had gone out, I want her to accompanying me to the Jazz Festival cause I don't want to go alone (Oh yah I'll be stating this in my letter).

I want to write a letter (...and slip the letter underneath her door) to invite her out, do you think it's a good idea?

urgent reply...pls.

[vashti]

Why would you not just ask in person? You could just knock on her door...

[Am_I_Crazy]

Okay, here's the situation:

The Jazz Festival is going to be held this weekend.

Since I don't get to see and talk to her often cause she's always either in her room or had gone out, I want her to accompanying me to the Jazz Festival cause I don't want to go alone (Oh yah I'll be stating this in my letter).

I want to write a letter (...and slip the letter underneath her door) to invite her out, do you think it's a good idea?

urgent reply...pls.

I have read this thread and I am sorry if the advice sounds harsh but I think in the end you will see it is well intentioned.

YOU ARE LACKING CONFIDENCE!

That is NOT sexy to women. You need to take some time to figure out who you are, set some goals in life, understand how to LOVE yourself (warts and all) before you can ever expect anyone to be attracted to you.

David DeAngelo has a CD out called "How to be a man that naturally attracts a woman." It's not hocus pocus or pick up lines. It shows you how to set goals, how to learn to love yourself and how to build confidence and self esteem. It shows you that seeking approval from anyone but yourself is BAD.

This woman is not going to be interested in you. I can tell you that right now because your lack of confidence (just from what I have read) is excrutiatingly painful to watch.

If I were you, I would write down all my positive qualities and start to ingrain them in your mind. Put that list somewhere you can read it every day.

I would spend a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror, remembering those qualities and saying "I am worthy, I have a lot to offer a woman!"

Then write down some small goals and big goals. Use the small goals as stepping stones to help you reach the long term goals. Goal setting and achieving is a GREAT way to build confience and self-esteem.

Stop seeking approval from others. In fact, stop caring at all what anyone else thinks of you. That doesn't mean be a jerk, that means just be happy with who you are.

Don't ever think that you have to spend money on women, buy them gifts or spoil them to get them to like you. In most cases, this causes them to resent you because they can sense that you are doing it to seek their approval -- because you don't think they will like you for who you are.

Bottom line, until you build up your confidence and self-esteem you are not going to get anywhere with this woman.

And don't write her a letter! TALK TO HER. Make good eye contact, be confident and ask her as if she is going to say yes. If she says no, just say "No problem!" smile and walk away. That's it. Don't mope or otherwise be angry at her. Women will constantly test your confidence and you can not fail the test at any one time or you will be OUSTED as a potential mate.

[TheSab]

shit, haha no offence, but you're a loser, you love someone you have't even known a week... why not go the full mile and ask her to marry you tomorrow?

[clynn]

Ask her in person!

[Steven715]

Don't mope or otherwise be angry at her. Women will constantly test your confidence and you can not fail the test at any one time or you will be OUSTED as a potential mate.

Sod it that answers alot of things

I would ask her in person i have just leard that one Letters e-mails and text is not worth it do it face to face

[Am_I_Crazy]

Sod it that answers alot of things

It's an unfortunate fact of life but one as men we need to deal with. Women test us constantly (and they do it unconciously) to see if we're the right mate.

You can fail once or twice but no more....you're out.

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

Thx Am_I_Crazy,

...yes I've heard about David DeAngelo's works.

(...l'll discuss confidence when I have a chance, ok)

Anyway, I'd already slipped the letter before you guys got back to me.

Here's the story:

After I slipped that letter to her and went to work, I waited all day and she finally phoned me in the evening 7pm (good timing --- I got off work an hour earlier).

It was about 5-10 min chatting on the phone. She said she'll be leaving the city for 1 week and won't be able to go with me to the festival.

I asked her whether other times is good for her, when she is free after her return that we can do something like go out for lunch or do something, she said "we'll see....maybe."

I also asked for her cell phone number (to keep in touch), she said her number is long distance and she gave me her email address instead.

I told her that I want to "get to know her" because "I think she is special." --- of course her answer was she just a "regular" girl nothing special. In my mind I didn't want to respond to it because I'm afraid I'll say something not making any sense, so I didn't.

She said I can keep in touch with her via email. (It's fine for me that she gives me her email --- it's better than nothing!)

There you have it!

First of all, I know what you guys are thinking --- she's not interested in me!
Because if she did, she would give me her phone number or email address without me first asking for them.

Secondly, she didn't take the initiative to mention to me to go out with her somewhere another time!

Thirdly, she didn't even say she might see me tonight returning home (she's one of my roommates in the house --- for those of you who jumping threads)!

All these don't matter in this case and here's the reason... because

she's a very TRADITIONAL girl (she said that herself!).

I know in Asian families...traditional means that they will not go out with a male friend alone. They like groups of friends going out together. ..

and usually they tend not to initiate anything... very passive type.

What do you guys think?

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

Vashti -- I didn't think it'd be appropriate to knock on her door. Usually she's not at home anyway.
In fact, I did knock on her door the other day when she came back home but she didn't answer me. She just said she'll talk with me tomorrow.

So today is tomorrow and

she already moved out!

Now what do I do?

She didn't go to the Jazz Festival with me, but I got her email.

Before she left the house, I told her I will email her sometimes, she just said okay.

She smiled and left.

So when do you think it's a good time to email her or chat with her on msn?

She'll be coming back to the city next week.

Should I give her more time before chatting with her?

[Gigabitch]

If she's a traditional girl, why would you assume she would have volunteered her phone number and e-mail without being asked?

You're over-thinking this whole dating thing. If you like someone, ask them out. Go do it. Right now. Go to the book store and ask somebody out for coffee.

Now. You are headed for Weird Old Guy land. Take the next exit.

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

If she's a traditional girl, why would you assume she would have volunteered her phone number and e-mail without being asked?

You're over-thinking this whole dating thing. If you like someone, ask them out. Go do it. Right now. Go to the book store and ask somebody out for coffee.

Now. You are headed for Weird Old Guy land. Take the next exit.

Yah, that's true I hadn't thought about that.

Hehe..Weird Old Guy Land.

No -- I'm not dare enough to go there yet, but thx.


I wish I hear from her again when she returns next wk.
I've already emailed her asking her out for lunch.

She's very traditional, so I'm afraid she won't answer me back.

I just wish she knows how I feel about her.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, for Christ's sake! Where do you live? I'll go out with you!

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

Are you serious
Giga? If you are....then I just want to yell out

"Wow, thx --- thx a Mill ! Awesome, I'm going to have a date, Hurray!"

But I can't.


Honestly, I want to go out with someone for a long term relationship.
Really, I'm not a picky type when comes to girls. If I like a girl I'd be very loyal to her, and I'd want to spend as much time with her as possible --- that is if she also wants to.

I'm the passive type but when it comes to one-to-one, I can take charge too but I leave most of the charges to her cause I like discussions and negotiations.

When I'm out with other people, normally I'm very passive and talk very little but with close friends and one-to-one, I can talk hell of alot --- I don't know why but I guess I feel more comfortable with close friends and 1-to-1. whether others share same thing as me.

I love you Giga!

[Gigabitch]

Yes, but you need to practice. You're not some guy locked up in a tower.

What are you going to do when you meet someone who knocks your socks off and you can't even ask her out because you don't know how?

Maybe you could get a trusted female friend to practice with you.

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

Yes, I've been trying.

I called many times to my lady friends, but most of them either already have bf or they always said their busy.

...and I don't want to bother them.

I guess I have to wait until they think of me or I'll find someone new.

I'm waiting for 2 to respond to my messages. I hope they do, atleast I have until the end of August.