I am lost, ur advice plzzzzzzz

[Harmony]

hi their, I will try to make this post as short as i can., and thanks for reading
Actually now I am totally lost and I need any single advice from you.

I am 20 and she's 19 years old, and we are in different universites. The story started from 2 years, after 3 months of love relationship, she left me because people in her uni started talking about her, it is something traditional in her family that prevents her from doing relationships with guys.. and don't ask me what happened to me in the following three months

Her summer vacation started, and she missed me very much, so she started calling and mailing me, and sending me miss calls in every moment. I was really happy for what was happening. Btw, she's the kind of a shy girl who can't say easily that she loves me, even if she misses me. Anyway, I met her, and we started again our relationship. After 4 months, her mother knew about the relationship, so she told her: you have two tracks, either him, or your uni..
I saw her the next day, she was depressed, but didn't tell me anything. After few days, i knew from her friends that she wanted to leave me., OMG, again?

I don't know, those moments was the hardest in my life.. I decided to change my track. So when i remember her, i remember on purpose only the negative things of her, and forgetting all the nice things. After 4 months, I was totally over her. So I decided to contact with her because I was able to do so. And yea, we met several times. After few months, I knew from her that she left me not because of her decison, she was obligated to do so. I told her that its ok, and let us continue as friends.
During this time, i was searching for a b/f in my uni, but i didn't have the luck to meet my dream girl.

From 2 months, my ex told me: there is something that you have to search for. I asked: What is it? She said: "it's in ur university, and I won't give you any extra hint, and that thing is very important for me". I searched in all over the uni, but didn't find any thing, and everytime i meet her, she asks me: did you find it?

Yesterday, I was sitting on a bench in my uni, I noticed something on a tree. I came closer to it... Oh my GOD!! It was her handwriting!!! She wrote: If I don't have the courage to tell u, maybe the tree can do it: I LOVE YOU! and she put the date (17/9/2006) and her name.
I was totally shocked!!
I started remembering every single moment of our relationship.
I don't know.. I felt I am lost, totally lost.. and now i don't know what to do????!!!!!

The problem is that when she left me, I focused on the negative sides of her which i didn't care for before. For example: She has some extra weight (she's 169 cm, and 64 kg), so when she left me i anchored my self to the idea: who care for a fat girl!!

I know that maybe funny, but I am feeling now that emotional gap (which i didn't feel from a long time)

What should I do???? any advices plzzzzzzzzz, I really need them
I appreciate your contribution
(edit: This is a summary of my story, if you need any details just ask me , thanks )

[Mathias]

The problem is that when she left me, I focused on the negative sides of her which i didn't care for before. For example: She has some extra weight (she's 169 cm, and 64 kg), so when she left me i anchored my self to the idea: who care for a fat girl!!

Grow the **** up.

[Prodigal]

Do what you feel is right. If you don't know what you feel, then take some time to try to figure out what it is you do feel, and then act accordingly. If you don't figure out what you feel, then you shouldn't do anything because acting on something when you're confused about your feelings will probably lead to the worst outcome.

[Harmony]

Do what you feel is right. If you don't know what you feel, then take some time to try to figure out what it is you do feel, and then act accordingly. If you don't figure out what you feel, then you shouldn't do anything because acting on something when you're confused about your feelings will probably lead to the worst outcome.

yeaa. you're right.. am still confused, and it seems i more relaxed today,
i don't know how to act when i see her!

[Prodigal]

Try not to think about it and hopefully you'll be natural.