Several Relationship Problems.

[ahmedsaleh]

You should talk to her about it and make her see sense somehow. I mean for example take this girl she doesn't like you seeing, you've known her for 8 years vs. the 2.5 eyars you've been with your her. If anything was going to happen it proabably would have done way before your she arrived on he scene. You gotta make it clear to her that you are just friends, you have been for a long time and you can't just start ditching you friends on her say so. As much as you need her as a partner you also need your friends and they deserve as much respect and loyalty from you as she does. Especially the ones that you have known for so long.

Maybe there is a reason behind this mistrust, has someone in the past cheated on her with one of his friends that he kept telling her was just a friend, perhaps something like that could explain it.

You should get down to the bottom of it, telling her just not to do it anymore may just coer up the problem coz everytime you do speak to another girl she will be wondering and wanting to know what is going on. You need to find out what is driving it and the best way to do that is sit her down and talk to her about it face to face in a nice calm manner and try not to lose your temper. Don't let her tell you stuff like if youve got nothing to hide you should tell me coz thats just her easy way out.

[celestina]

I did..she was like "if you have nothing to hide, you should be ok telling me"...

Gahh lol

Oh yeah she trusts you. It's just that seeing with her own eyes that nothing is going on makes her feel safe & happy.

So you already know what everyone's gonna tell you... i.e. make it clear to her that you will not allow her going thru your stuff blablabla

But besides that... are her other qualities (i.e. is she steamin' hot?) exceptional enough to make you stay with her and endure such maniacal behaviour? Coz otherwise you would've been gone long ago. 'Nless you're actually enjoying the attention.

[Aficionado]

Oh yeah she trusts you. It's just that seeing with her own eyes that nothing is going on makes her feel safe & happy.

So you already know what everyone's gonna tell you... i.e. make it clear to her that you will not allow her going thru your stuff blablabla

But besides that... are her other qualities (i.e. is she steamin' hot?) exceptional enough to make you stay with her and endure such maniacal behaviour? Coz otherwise you would've been gone long ago. 'Nless you're actually enjoying the attention.

Well she looks like a Maxim Model, and she has a great heart and other great qualities. And she does trust me, she just feels UNCOMFORTABLE with a female in my room. I donno..I guess a lot of girls would feel uncomfortable if their bf had a female friend in their room without them there.

[IndiReloaded]

That's how I feel....I think she's in denial about not trusting me.

Not denial, she isn't being truthful. I think she knows exactly what she is doing.

You are completely correct to request & expect privacy. Listen to the fact you feel uncomfortable. And don't let her tell you this is an issue of 'right/wrong'. Its not. Its about respecting personal boundaries & her crossing yours, which, btw is completely 'wrong'.

If you have given her no reason to doubt your trustworthiness, then her lack of trust is her problem. If you want to help her, set your boundaries firm so she can learn how to give trust. Its up to her to decide to give you this.

[Aficionado]

Not denial, she isn't being truthful. I think she knows exactly what she is doing.

You are completely correct to request & expect privacy. Listen to the fact you feel uncomfortable. And don't let her tell you this is an issue of 'right/wrong'. Its not. Its about respecting personal boundaries & her crossing yours, which, btw is completely 'wrong'.

If you have given her no reason to doubt your trustworthiness, then her lack of trust is her problem. If you want to help her, set your boundaries firm so she can learn how to give trust. Its up to her to decide to give you this.

Privacy in the respect of her looking at my text or privacy that I shouldn't have to tell her what goes on in my life when she's not around?

[Mish]

I did..she was like "if you have nothing to hide, you should be ok telling me"...

Gahh lol

To which you can say "You have nothing to hide, which is why you don't understand why she doesn't trust you? Why does she need to invade your emails, texts and messages?"

This is obviously not a matter of a couple of one liners. This is something you need to seat her ass down somewhere where she can't move (I don't know, maybe a restaurant) and have a heart to heart, one on one conversation.

[Aficionado]

She's making no sense..she tells me she's just super curious and likes to know everything..and that it comforts her, but if she needs comforting, isn't that a sign of lack of trust. So I told her this and she got mad that I said she didn't trust me because she says she really does trust me...wtf?

[IndiReloaded]

Somehow, you need to let your GF know that she is your 'One & Only Woman' but that doesn't imply ownership. On her part or yours. You are entitled to your friends. If she tries to pull you away from them, I would view this as a big red flag.

On the other hand, if your friend is truly a good one, she should understand (esp since she is female) that this may be an issue & you may need to tone down your interactions for your lady's comfort. I'm NOT saying dump your friend, but true opposite-sex friendships should be sensitive to these issues. Maybe you should talk to your friend about this also (don't tell your GF!) & see what she thinks.

[Aficionado]

Not even about that ONE friend..in general, my gf wants me to tell her when I interact with females..not that I walk around randomly start talking ot girls, but I am a student..so if a BS convo pops up because i'm sitting next to one, I find it silly for me to have to tell her I had a BS convo with some girl.

[IndiReloaded]

She must be at that stage where she's wondering if your relationship is going to be a more permanent one. This is making her insecure and maybe testing your loyality. Stupid way to go about it. Ewww for you. Well, all I can say is most women (but not all by any means) grow out of this after several years together. She will stop caring so much who you talk to & when, lol.

However, seriously now. If you haven't thought of this yet, you should take this as a strong sign of her inability to think about YOUR needs. Its all about her & what she wants right now isn't it? Her hurt feelings, her issues, her fear. Who's thinking about your hurt & your right to privacy right now. Think very hard about this.

[Aficionado]

I am thinking hard, very hard...that's why I actually signed up to a site like this, for help lol.

I do love her very much and she is an amazing person, but I feel she's more "my way is the right way" kind of person and that's not how it works. I'm considering a relationship councilor. Maybe if she hears a professional say it to her face that she is wrong, it may do something, since I'm pretty positive I'm not the one being wrong about this.

And if the Dr. tells her that she has to choose, whether to ease up or break it off, then she'll have to make the decision. I'd rather that than me have to choose because I'm trying too hard right now.

[Mish]

She's making no sense..she tells me she's just super curious and likes to know everything..and that it comforts her, but if she needs comforting, isn't that a sign of lack of trust. So I told her this and she got mad that I said she didn't trust me because she says she really does trust me...wtf?

If she really does trust you like she says she does, you can ask her to prove it to you, by not going through your email, texts and messages. See what she says to that. If she agrees and still continues with her behaviour, highlight that she is failing in her proof.

[Only-virgins]

Wow, she is paranoid about your life. You should tell her to relax. I don't understand behavior like that...she is probably going to lose you because of it ...ironically she thinks she is preventing that by making sure you don't do anything "bad".

[Aficionado]

Wow, she is paranoid about your life. You should tell her to relax. I don't understand behavior like that...she is probably going to lose you because of it ...ironically she thinks she is preventing that by making sure you don't do anything "bad".

LOL, I told her that exact thing.

Now remember how she doesnt want my female friend in my bedroom, now she just doesn't want her over my house. She comes over because I'm a personal trainer, so I train her..and I even charge her, but sometimes after she wants to just hangout for a bit, and now my gf is bitching about that.

[run2white]

If my girlfriend had a guy hanging out in her room, I think I'd have trust issues as well. I agree with your girlfriend that it's a matter of right and wrong. I also agree with you that your personal boundaries are being violated.

So you have a problem. Telling you girlfriend to "shape up" is not going to be beneficial. You need to come to some agreement with her on these issues. Being demanding isn't going to make the issue disappear. Work with her if you want to continue the relationship. Invite her to work with you so that you can both find a comfortable place in which to continue. She needs to feel safe. Is that something you can do for her? Is it important to you?

It sounds like you're both young adults finding your way through all this, maybe for the first time. Decide how serious you want to be with her. What do you see in your future?