Several Relationship Problems.

[Aficionado]

Hey guys, this will be my first post on this site...I'm in desperate need of some help..

I'm dating my gf for 2.5 years and we still have some of the same issues, and some of these issues are becoming deal breakers for me at this point. I can't keep going on like this...so I need some advice/opinions..maybe it's me who is wrong.

Problem 1:
She wants to know EVERYTHING - If I meet a new female, or simply just converse with one, even if it's for a second..she wants me to tell her...

Scenario 1: I work retail, so the girl next door to us brings us cookies because she's friends with one of my co-workers..not me. I told my gf and my friend how good the cookies were and she was like "how come you never told me about this girl? Do you talk to her often? --- Even my friend was like "what's up with the interrogation"

I feel like this is ridiculous...some things aren't worth mentioning..people aren't supposed to REPORT everything to their partner...if it's IMPORTANT, I'd mention it, but I feel if it's not important..then who cares because it's not even on my mind.

Scenario 2: I added a classmate of mine on facebook because I had to ask her a question about a report. My gf starts her question spree, asking why I never told her about this girl, and that if I talk to her how come I didn't tell her. Again, I think this is ridiculous, even more so because I really don't talk to this girl.


I have female friends, well hardly - I have a female friend, who has been one of my best friends since I'm 14, I'm now 22. My gf doesn't want her over my house if she's not there. I hardly hangout with this girl, let alone see her, but I honestly don't get why I can't have a best friend over my house..I live with my parents, so it's my bedroom, but still..if you say you trust me, what's the big deal.


Lack of Privacy - she goes through my texts, even though I have nothing to hide, but I feel..it's MINE, don't go through it...none of your business. I also hate that if i'm on my computer and she's watching tv, second I go on AIM, or email..she makes her way over to the comp to look..and she starts asking me questions. It's honestly suffocating..am I wrong?

I really hope you guys were able to make it through my complaint/rant...hope I get some feedback. Thanks guys!

[sine24]

no you are not wrong. she is the one that has the problem..and its unlikely to go away anytime soon. she needs to know that you are trustworthy and that you need your own privacy. i can only imagine how suffocated you must feel. her own insecurities are likely to have come from a previous relationship or experience..but by no means should you put up with it. let her know that this behaviour is not acceptable and that she should learn to trust you..because without trust (no matter how much she says she trusts you)..there can be no relationship. dont stop socialising with your female friends on her account..she needs to learn to mind her own business.

how about her? does she talk to other guys...im sure she does..and you probably dont feel threatened by it because you trust her. let her know that if you are respecting her privacy and rights..she should do the same.

[alidile]

wow, the problems aren't going to cease cos it's a problem that she's having. you can't change that so unless she is willing to make a change if you've addressed it already then you need to end it because it's just going to get worse. those people give peopel such a bad reputation.

[Aficionado]

She doesn't really have male "friends"...she avoids them because they end up liking her. She talks to guys who she works with, or some classmates, that's about it..and to be honest, I don't care..it's healthy.


Like..she's really pissed I had an old good female friend in my room tonight..we were just talking. I live with my parents..where else am I supposed to go lol.

[Mish]

It doesn't sound like she trusts you for some reason. Maybe she has insecurity or trust issues or maybe you are not a trustworhthy person. Anyway, whats happening in your relationship is not healthy. You need to have a talk with her about that. Put all cards on the table and find out why she doesn't trust you this much. Is it just you or she doesn't trust other people as well? What's motivating her behaviour? Why doesn't she trust you?

[Aficionado]

She literally told me a few minutes ago that she trust me and knows I wouldn't do anything to betray her...it's more of she feels is RIGHT and WRONG..

[Aficionado]

Sorry to double post...but...reporting every social detail of my life seems quite stupid and unhealthy...makes me feel like I have no SELF BEING anymore..am I right..or should it be fine to tell her every social detail of my life...regarding females.

If I got hit on, I'd tell her if she wants to know..I don't care...but...a "hey how are you" kinda convo...waste of time to tell her and I just feel it's pointless.

[Mish]

She literally told me a few minutes ago that she trust me and knows I wouldn't do anything to betray her...

Yeh, but she doesn't

If she did trust you she wouldn't be going through your texts and emails. She wouldn't be lecturing you for trivial inconsequantial details and she wouldn't be looking over your shoulder.

Het words, don't match her behaviour. She doesn't want to admit it, but she doesn't trust you (For some reason).

[Aficionado]

That's how I feel....I think she's in denial about not trusting me.

[Mish]

Talk to her and find out why she doesn't.

Tell her, you do this, this and that which screams out your lack of trust for me. What did I do for you not to trust me and what can we do change this for the better. How can I get your trust back?

(Only in nicer words ofcourse)


P.S. Has she always been like this?

[Aficionado]

Yea..I have a temper problem..finding the nice words at times are rough haha

Here's the confusing part..she doesnt want my female friends in my room, but I can go out to eat with them or get a drink.

That kinda tosses the lack of trust out the window.

[Mish]

Here's the confusing part..she doesnt want my female friends in my room, but I can go out to eat with them or get a drink.

That kinda tosses the lack of trust out the window.

It does, but I kinda understand why a girl wouldn't want you to have a female friend in your parent's place bedroom, seating on your bed. Even though nothing's going to happen, it just doesnt look good. If I were you I wouldn't be doing it just for that. Plus, you don't want to accelerate her mistrusting behaviour. You don't want to put fuel on the fire.

You want to find out what makes her not trust you and find out how you can change that (Even if it means changing some of your behaviour).

[Aficionado]

OK..so let's say I agree to the no bedroom rule...the larger problem is her invasiveness...her feeling the need to know EVERYTHING. She is known to ask lots of questions, to everybody, but her questions effect me, considering her questions are much more detailed towards me, and demanding.

I need her to understand that if it's not important, there's no need for me to mention it..or if it's just nothing worth mentioning.

[Mish]

Yeh, you'll need to talk to her about that.

Thouh maybe not in a way that you shouldn't be putting up with this. But more in a way that there's a problem (A trust issue) and how can you two working together solve it.

[Aficionado]

I did..she was like "if you have nothing to hide, you should be ok telling me"...

Gahh lol