ugh im upset and confused

[eco91]

about this time last summer, i met this girl on the boardwalk. she was this amazing girl that met any standard i ever held and then some. i ended up hanging out with her and some friends that night for about an hour or two. i was only 16 at the time. she ended up sneaking her number on my phone and i texted her that night. i found out she lived in NJ, i lived in MD so i was pretty crushed. somehow one thing led to another and we started the long distant thing, we stayed at eachothers house about 2-3 weekends out of the month from friday-sunday. everything went well, although it was obviously hard. about a year passed, and her life started getting more hetic.. cheerleading..friends... work, ect. also did mine, i wanted a car.. i needed money. that 2-3 weekends a month became about 1 maybe 2 if we were lucky. we still went along though. prom came and we both felt like we were on top of the world, we had an amazing 4 day weekend at a shore house and everything was great. the next week or two passed and the distance became hard. she wanted to spend time with her friends and do other things and i felt like i was now 2nd when i always put her before anything. it felt as if i were the one constantly trying to hang out and she didnt wanna put any effort into it but she still reassured me i was just getting confused and that we would be ok. about the next day or two, i cant remember, she flat out told me that the distance was too hard and that we should break up. i was a wreck that whole weekend, i did everything i could to take my mind off her. i went to family, friends... anything i could find. here i am at 17 with a problem i couldn't really handle. i started to realize that she put me second and that if she really wanted to be with me we could make things work like we did for the prior year. somehow the next day, she sweet talked me into still talking to eachother and staying loyal to eachother ect. i agreed, and everything felt like it was going well and that we were about to get on the track again. i wanted to see if it was true so i told her my one friend was bugging me and hitting on me to see if she was still protective of me, and thought i was still "hers". she ended up getting jelous and i had my answer. she told me she sent my friend a message saying to leave me alone and that i was hers. i smiled bc i knew things were getting better. i sent my friend a message saying to ignore the message she sent and that it was a misunderstanding. come to find out, my gf never really did send that message to my friend and that she was just kidding. she logged into my myspace that same day to goof around with my stuff and she went through my sent messages and saw that message. she immediately thought i had feeling for this girl and that i was lying to her all along. she wouldn't talk to me that whole night and i just sat there balling. i eventually convinced her i was cheating on her but there still remained the fact i lied. i felt like complete ****, but i didnt think it was too big of a deal, i did this to see if what we had was still true and that if she still loved me. she ignored me the whole weekend basicaly except for a few messages to make me feel like ****, stuff like why did you do this to me, you really hurt me, ect. it's now been about two days and we talked last night. everything's so tangled up between the distance, and the whole other situation. . we came to the conclusion that we dont think were gonna get back together right now, or anytime in the near future. im still the dummy that wants to be with her after feeling im second but i still would give anything to her, my lust and jelousy is the worst but its so hard hearing that bc thats the person that i shared about 75,000 texts with and over 1000+ hours on the phone with.we gave everything to eachother, sexually and emotionally. i know i made a mistake with the one lie, but i was so confused at the time and i felt i had to know whether or not she still loves me the same way, i know now i could've handled it better but i wouldn't give everything up we had over that. i never cried over anyone til i met her. i get so jelous just thinking about her with another person. im just so confused on what i should do, should i give her time to do what she wants so she realizes she's just upset about the lie and that she really doesnt want to leave me entirely, or should i ignore her to realize this, or still talk to her. im lost. any advice is appreciated

sorry for the life story but i needed to vent and i need help

[eco91]

ive been trying my hardest to give her space and avoid talking to her til she comes to me, but its been so hard. its only been about a day or two but i feel like crap. i know i did wrong with the lie, but she's done much worst things to me but i somehow got over it without really being scared. i feel like a doormat but i still love her

[Gribble]

Paragraphs are your friend. Don't be afraid to use them.

[eco91]

thanks for the tip..

[Gigabitch]

Lying will **** you up.

[WingsOfDarkness]

You really have to watch the lying...What seems like a little lie, still violates trust the same as if it were a big lie.And especially with a long distance thing, trust is absolutely critical.If you can't be together, see each other everyday, all you have is trust and faith that the other person is honest and not screwing around or playing games with you.

You seem pretty certain that with time she will realize the lie is no big deal and that it's not worth leaving you over.Don't place too much hope on that.Lies...Really destroy relationships.Once a lie is told it is so hard to get that trust back, if you ever can depending on what the lie was.You can't even do it to check if they still love you the same.You have to have faith.

See here, not only did you lie and hurt her that way, you showed that you also did not trust her word or her love for you, in that you had to "check on it".

It's really hard to learn these lessons sometimes, but if you lose it all, you have to accept responsibility for what you did.Even a little white lie has the power to destroy an amazing relationship.Honesty is a must, always.What exactly did she do that was worse than lying?