commitment issues

[bball0076]

i recently had a gf and we ended up breaking up a month ago, the reason why we broke up was due to always arguing with each other! we broke up to fix things but it hasnt been going all to well! last night i found out the real reason of why and its becuase she has an issue with commitment! she cant stay with a guy for x amount of months and she acts in a manner where its not neccsary. last night we talked about the entire thing and by this fri a decision will be made on what the out come will be!
my questions are
she has 3 dyas off that i wont see her, should i or should i not txt her today to she how she's doing? or should i give it today and the next 2 days to her self to think things over?
also what would be the best thing to do in a sisuation like this? i do want things to work out and im willing to work and take as long as needed!
also when fri comes what sort of stuff should i say? to make things better?
Thank you in advance

[tooxshort]

Well, if she's willing to just let you go just like that, do you really want to be with her?

As for right now, I'd just let her be until she makes a decision on Friday... Give her time to think on it without you being in the picture for now.

How old are you two? If it's a high school thing, then forget it ... Move on. You guys shouldn't really be thinking about commitment just yet.

What are her issues with commitment?

[bball0076]

She is in her final year of college and i have my real full time job. i'm 22 and she is 21,
All her previous bf she has push away because she is afraid of commitment, she does not like the fact of being with somebody for a very long time and tends to push that person away so the relationship becomes miserable, yesterday was the first day she told me this and i had no clue, i knew she was pushing me away and all this time i thought it was my fault and i pretty much went outta my way to fix the things needed to make it work!
The reason why i want this to work out is becuase i do love her and i know she does as well, and the only thing holding back is the commitment part. its not like im asking her hand in marriage or anything!
the bottom line is if things end up not working at least i wanna be able to help her with her flaw so when the next guy comes she wont have such a big issues like she has with me and in the past!

[tooxshort]

Wow, that seems rather unhealthy ... I'm guessing something happened before or she suffered a loss so great that she didn't want to go through with it again ...

There's something she isn't tell you ...

I commend you for looking out for her the way you are ... You've even included people other than yourself as benefitting.

If it is a deep-rooted problem within her, you'll have to get that out before you can help her. I have a hard time believe that she just pulled out the "I refuse to commit" card out of nowhere. But reassure her that you'll support her and be there for her ... and that you're doing it not only as a lover, but as a friend.

And I agree, it isn't marriage ... you can stress that ...

Good luck ...

[bball0076]

I pretty much know everyone who she has dated, and her longest, serious relationship i guess you can say was a year 1/2, that ended up not working out that well and she ended up breaking up with him because she no longer liked him, now the kid hates her for that because he to loved her alot
i know previous to that she dated this guy who she really liked, she thought that she was going to get dumped so she ended up dumping him before he did, but in fact he had no intent to dump her! long story short now he ended up proposing to this girl a few months later and before he announced it he asked my ex if she would marry her, and of course she said no and i know she liked him and he did as well, so right now hes married and living in another state and they still talk every now and then!


A thing with her is before we started dating we actually hated each other in high school and at work, we still work together but i have another job and i'm hardly at the place anymore! so we ended up slowly becoming friends through one of my other friends and from there, it evolved in to something bigger which ended up with us dating.

one of the things with her is, that all of her guy friends, who she hangs out with they always wanted to be more then friends and when that happens and she or him dumps one another the guy usually hates her and does not wanna talk to her anymore, and for that she does not like dating friends, i myself am not like any other guy whos going to stop talking to my ex, i do still love her and she is my one of my best friends ever and i would still like to keep that!

[Gigabitch]

Wow. What a pain in the ass. She must think pretty highly of herself to imagine she had limitless resources of man-power at her disposal.

[OsamaInPyjamas]

I used to have major commitment issues (I say 'used to' because for the first time in my life I am happy and content in a relationship and I'm not trying to sabotage it). I can only speak for myself of course, but in my case it was largely a defense mechanism. I do harbour major trust issues, not just towards men but towards people in general, so I tended to push away all guys who were interested me because I was always either suspicious about their intentions or didn't want to get hurt.

I'd say there's a good chance that your ex has similar trust issues. She might have the perspective that "nothing lasts forever" so it's best for her to end things before she can get too involved, because the more attached you become the harder it is to deal with when it eventually falls apart. If you think she's worth it, prove to her that you're not going to hurt her or leave her. Let her let you in. It may take time and patience, but the results could be wonderful.

[bball0076]

Wow. What a pain in the ass. She must think pretty highly of herself to imagine she had limitless resources of man-power at her disposal.

she does think highly of her self but its not like she imagines her self with limitless resources of man-power! pretty much she finds it easy to make friends with guys instead of girls!


For trust i know she trust me a great day and knows that i'll alway tel her the truth no matter what.. there was one point probably 2 or so months ago where the shit hit the fan and i told her that i didn't trust her when she went out, mainly due to her not telling me things that happen and then me finding out later on that week! they were nothing bad but its the principle of knowing and not finding out later that week if not weeks later on!

[bball0076]

In your words whats considered to be casual dating? thats what she wants to do now!