professor

[IndiReloaded]

What are you, a drahma queen? Who knows? Thats not the point--as a professional, he might have a bit of fun leading you on, but he would never take you seriously. Get that? Stop obsessing over this guy & find someone more suitable.

Emotionally healthy 42 year old men know their boundaries.

You are going to outgrow this man emotionally in just a few years. I think you should just forget about him and remind yourself that there are lots of creepy people in the world.

^Exactly.

[miSSleepy]

jbrowning, you KNOW that isn't normal behaviour, but you want to hear it from someone other than yourself? Well ok. The professor did something inappropriate. I won't make judgments as to why.
But he's gone now and you need to get on with your life instead of pondering over this. And next time, be careful who you emotionally attach yourself to, because another man might do more than hug and kiss your cheek.

[Mish]

Recycled advice for a recycled request

Well, it sounds like you and your university professor are really close. Is there a big age gap?

What I would do, I'd simply say. "Hey, let's catch up over a coffee this weekend". Why would he refuse? You're already close, you could even make it into a token of appreciation before he leaves. Over a coffee you can talk about things, have a conversation and see where it goes from there. If it's going well, you could continue into lunch, if there are any time issues, you can simply say you need to go somewhere but would like to continue the conversation over lunch next time.

Well, there's only one way to find. You're not his student and he's moving to another University so whatever student / teacher relationship there could have been, clearly won't be there anymore. Ask yourself, if you dated a guy and then found out he was a professor at a university and you were a student at another university would that be grounds for you to not see him anymore? Don't be scared to invite him for a casual conversation to catch over coffee where you can thank him for all his help during the time you've known him. Don't be obvious with your intentions, but don't let any opportunities to get to know him better slip away either.

Ah, you already had coffee? That's even better. That means it wouldn't even be an initiation. You can just ask him if he could meet you at the same coffee place as last time as you would like to thank him for all his help before he leaves. That's not so scary is it? It's not like you're asking for a date, you're asking to catch up and then see where it goes from there

Wait, he's already left?

Then what's the point digging into the past?

[anachronistic]

Stories like this one make it hard to care anymore.

[anachronistic]

Anyone ever see cry_wolf? What a horrible movie.

[jbrowning]

um, no, I'm not a drama queen...I was asking an honest question. Sorry if it came out as totally stupid. I appreciate your opinions, and I want to hear them, which is why I came to this forum, but I don't see why you have to be so bitchy about it.

[clearskies]

I don't think he is playing games or anything (90% he is not).. He is only trying to give you some moral support or say goodbyes because he had a good role in your career according to what you said earlier BUT I am sure he chose the wrong way when he kissed you on the cheeks. That is all and it is normal for you to feel like that towards your lecturer, senior lecturer or professor (I dont know his exact rank/position but u called his professor which I doubt) since you have no friend around as far as i understand. For him, it is the moral part of his academic job which is student support. In HE, that is what teachers are supposed to do but surely without kisses or hugs.. It is a short experience in your life which will remain sometime in your mind.. Remember the first school teacher of KG1 and how much you loved her, it is a bit similar. The differernce is that you are grown up now and have other thoughts.
In order not to misundertsand me as usual, take DM advice in your mind as he might be right also. I'd put probability of 10% or even less for this case. You cant guarantee all academics do what I do from moral support to students and helping them on the personal side with taking serious decisions related to student's life and study. So , be cautious and never be with him alone. Anyway he is leaving which good for you. Good luck in your study...

[ApexSeal]

Wtf? I'm going to have to disagree with everyone in this thread and tell you no, that isn't inappropriate behavior. He's interacting with you in a way not unlike one would with their own daughter. You seemed distressed, so he gave you a hug. The rubbing in the back thing was like a pat on the back kinda thing, like "there there, everything's cool".

I think everyone's just a little on edge from all the crazy stuff they see on the news. It's not like this prof unzipped his pants and made you satisfy him. Like come on.

And lest I was unclear, no, I don't think he was necessarily interested in you romantically. He's probably just a good guy who was looking out for you like he would his daughter.

I'm 22 and I'm also in college. I've had profs look out for me too, also of the opposite gender. They're just nice people.

[starbuck]

JB, I feel like you're attempting to seek validation somehow. Validation that he actually had feelings for you. Or validation that the attraction wasn't just in your head like some people on the forums told you.

Why does it matter to you now that he's gone? Do you need to know that he reciprocated the attraction to somehow nurse your ego? To prove others wrong? Or so you can pursue the relationship further?

You'll never really find out what he was thinking at that moment. So like Mish said, why revist the past? If you want some insight on the situation, it might be better for you to take a look at why you fell so hard for an authority figure. If you want healthy relationships with age-appropriate men, I would recommend investigating this.

[shh!]

The older you get, the yuckier this gap will appear. I think that a 42 year old man being romantically interested in a 21 year old girl would be akin to a 21 year old girl being romantically interested in a 12 year old boy. Maybe he was and maybe he wasn't romantically interested, but what does it matter? Nothing happened, and if you are smart, nothing ever will.

[anachronistic]

Wtf? I'm going to have to disagree with everyone in this thread and tell you no, that isn't inappropriate behavior. He's interacting with you in a way not unlike one would with their own daughter. You seemed distressed, so he gave you a hug. The rubbing in the back thing was like a pat on the back kinda thing, like "there there, everything's cool".

I think everyone's just a little on edge from all the crazy stuff they see on the news. It's not like this prof unzipped his pants and made you satisfy him. Like come on.

And lest I was unclear, no, I don't think he was necessarily interested in you romantically. He's probably just a good guy who was looking out for you like he would his daughter.

I'm 22 and I'm also in college. I've had profs look out for me too, also of the opposite gender. They're just nice people.

Would it surprise you that some professors on here find this kind of behavior very inappropriate?

The older you get, the yuckier this gap will appear. I think that a 42 year old man being romantically interested in a 21 year old girl would be akin to a 21 year old girl being romantically interested in a 12 year old boy. Maybe he was and maybe he wasn't romantically interested, but what does it matter? Nothing happened, and if you are smart, nothing ever will.

Oh god, if I am any more disgusted at it, I'm going to be one evil bastard when I get older.

On the other hand, if I were in this position, I would have boned the professor and been done with her already. We'd both be satisfied, since that's all they'd probably be after.

[IndiReloaded]

Wtf? I'm going to have to disagree with everyone in this thread and tell you no, that isn't inappropriate behavior. He's interacting with you in a way not unlike one would with their own daughter. You seemed distressed, so he gave you a hug. The rubbing in the back thing was like a pat on the back kinda thing, like "there there, everything's cool".

I think everyone's just a little on edge from all the crazy stuff they see on the news. It's not like this prof unzipped his pants and made you satisfy him. Like come on.

And lest I was unclear, no, I don't think he was necessarily interested in you romantically. He's probably just a good guy who was looking out for you like he would his daughter.

I'm 22 and I'm also in college. I've had profs look out for me too, also of the opposite gender. They're just nice people.

Sorry Seal but you're just wrong. This is not 'fatherly behaviour'. I have taught at university and my husband is a professor. This type of behaviour is not normal or acceptable and its downright unprofessional. In fact, if the OP were to go to this professor's department and complain, this prof would have some *very* uncomfortable explaining to do.

[DoesntMatter]

For a girl on a college campus, there is no excuse to be having a relationship with a professor. There are a TON of guys all around you seeking every type of relationship from one-night stands to friends with benefits to dating and a relationship (with or without wild and crazy sex)

[boobaa]

They want a guy who is "on the same high level as they".

[anachronistic]

^^ "... because every guy her age is totally immature."