Why men or women emotionally cheat?

[lesa]

I honestly don't think any children would be happy if their parents aren't happy. Children are never happy in a home that includes cheating parents which i'm sure causes arguments/fights....all kinds of chaos. And when they're young they don't really understand, can't blame them for that but if they knew the reasons and were old enough to understand i think in the long-run they'd be much better off with separate parents who are happy.

Not all cheating relationship reacts in chaos to the spouse or the children. I'm sure they may be rare (and probably not me) but they are out there--especially the women of traditional outlooks. I guess.

And separation doesn't necessarily mean that one couple is happy for it...it was probably needed at the time (no better alternative). It is seen way too often correct?

[IndiReloaded]

and when I said that previously you totally bashed me.

Did I, Dig? Are you sure you understood what I was saying? B/c I have always believed this, in fact, I've lived it.

I think I was probably referring to the fact that a person should be able to make this decision AND not cheat. Deciding to stay in a 'miserable' relationship is not carte blanche to become a cheater. It means they make a commitment to make things better. Children will not be happy in a faux 'happy' relationship, that is true.

[IndiReloaded]

I honestly don't think any children would be happy if their parents aren't happy. Children are never happy in a home that includes cheating parents which i'm sure causes arguments/fights....all kinds of chaos.

This I agree with. Which is why I think its the responsibility of the person in the affair to decide what is most important to them: their personal happiness or their childrens. If the latter, they need to have the personal integrity to not cheat.

[ecojeanne]

people like attention right? people lap it up (especially in men imo) if someone gives them more attention, it's silly imo, it's when they let it get physical then it goes past the point of no return. i don't give a shit if my future partner is so called emotionally cheating as long as he is coming home with me and will obviously be sharing emotional stuff, otherwise i will end up breaking the marriage or relationship anyway, coz one would feel the difference. it's not cheating unless they betray me physically, emotionally cheating is bad but repairable imo if both parties still care (obviously)

[lesa]

Okay you said "as long as he is coming home with me and will obviously be sharing emotional stuff".

I can't argue the point that emotional cheaters usually do not come home and share much of this info with you. He will come home to you but share these issues to Sarah--the girl at his job. Then he may get closer and they may say they love each other but cannot act on it because he has a promise to that darn eco. He will probably describe you in a negative way. Sarah would be looking better every day because he can share his feelings finally.

Act quickly or you will lose him physically if you have not already.

[Ms.Cruise]

Communications is the main factor in a relationship. If there's no dialog at home or with your partner it means there's something wrong. And that's why partner's start to seek the missing factor in other people. That's why they cheat. And I think why a person cheat because I think he/she didn't find the things that he/she wants to see with his/her partner.

Just a little thought here.


Ms.Cruise

[ecojeanne]

yeh but the thing is he/she will reveal this emotional cheating very quickly coz nothing has 'actually' happened to feel guilty about but general so called friendly convo, so one CAN act quickly if one cares enough. my ex adored telling me how much all the other women cared about him (attention seeking and partly trying to make me jealous coz he was insanely jealous of me and people i spoke with) i see other close relatives of mine acting like fools for attention, and truly i believe thats what it is and the point is to make sure you're the centre of attention for him/her or get rid

i always laughed his attention seeking off, that made him more attentive, it's about keeping perspective, i will make him 'think' i'm making myself available to other men if there is a chance he is spending too much time with someone else, thats just me

[lesa]

An emotional cheater will find more issues with your relationship compared to the purely physical cheater (maybe?). He is not going to tell you anything. He may talk more about his work or whatever environment he found the other woman but the emotional cheater is likely to keep the details secret.

In the healthy relationship, yes of course he will tell you about the silly flirts or friends but the emotional cheater is not in a healthy relationship with you. And in the healthy relationship he will share those things with you.

You also know the relationship is not healthy and probably won't be trying to 'fix' it at that moment. You won't care that much or don't know what is happening. If he is already sharing his time with someone else (emotionally cheating) then you are already acting slowly.

[ecojeanne]

but isn't flirting where it all starts? it seems easy to spot, friendly chats etc, it's about being aware of one person being mentioned a few more times than other people right?

[lesa]

If you have problems in the relationship he will probably not tell you that he or the woman was flirting. Most of it is done in secret.

For example, it may be with his co-worker. He comes home to you and not say a word about it. You two may interact as usual, initially. Unless you are not trusting him or feel he has something to hide and start looking through private things, you may not know.

Again he will probaby jokingly tell you about the flirts if the relationship is healthy. You will know nothing about it if he seeks more from this woman.

[IndiReloaded]

The problem is not flirting with others. Lots of happily married couples do this regularly.

Its when one partner goes outside of the relationship for their primary emotional support. This can take many forms. And often, its not the strangers one needs worry about. Its about that ubiquitous opposite sex 'friend' or 'close colleague'.

[ecojeanne]

The problem is not flirting with others. Lots of happily married couples do this regularly.

Its when one partner goes outside of the relationship for their primary emotional support. This can take many forms. And often, its not the strangers one needs worry about. Its about that ubiquitous opposite sex 'friend' or 'close colleague'.

logically i agree with this this, but in bad relationships the other person (the non emo cheater) is subconciously already aware and is probably thinking about their future? however i do think things can progress unneccesarily in relationships where the other partner is switched off, coz i do think that we as humans are not always in the mood to listen to the other person. i would think that all relationships are vulnerable to this but i would think it's about being aware. am i wrong?

[lesa]

Yes, but not necessarily on the "look out" for bad things in the relationship but keeping communication great to hopefully prevent the bad.

[IndiReloaded]

Eco, I would say it depends on whether you are describing an inherently bad relationship or an inherently good one, but where communication has broken down.

The other thing that is lacking in a lot of relationships, and is related to the 'selfish' point the OP makes, is the quality of tolerance. This is a trait I would say is underdeveloped in a lot of young ppl today, and their relationships suffer for it.

[vashti]

I honestly don't think any children would be happy if their parents aren't happy. Children are never happy in a home that includes cheating parents which i'm sure causes arguments/fights....all kinds of chaos. .

But you assume that people MUST argue and fight, and I can tell you for sure that is not always the case. People CHOOSE how they react.