such a shitty situation :(

[mattyb715]

i was dating this girl. not very long but i've known her for awhile and we've grown very close. she went away last week and before she left we were talking all the time. when she got there she got really distant and just didn't really wanna talk. i figured she mighta been playing a little hard to get. well she came home and explained what was up. she found out she's got a serious illness. its something that is going to be with her for the rest of her life and she's really upset about it. we hung out and i can just tell she's out of it. she tells me tonight she wants to just be friends and is giving up dating (along with drinking and other things). i know she's just really upset about her situation. i'm obviously going to be there for her still but she means alot to me and i dont want to let something we could have had go. i dont know what to do. i felt a connection with her that i haven't felt in a long time . . .

[damn2008]

I don't know the details of this illness but I will say this...and it may sound selfish...but you also have to consider YOURSELF and what you want in life and out of a relationship.

Being there for her is awesome and she really needs you more than ever and if you are, she'll appreciate that. Being supportive to those you care about is a blessing.

That being said, you have to consider what YOU want as well. If you decide to stick it out with her, you will suffer those pains with her and that can certainly make you closer but can lead to heartache in the long run. Being brutally honest, people want to have a happy relationship, they want kids, they want a family...and whatever situation you're in right now (you sound like you're young) you have to take deep consideration of the LONG ROAD ahead if things work out between you two.

[vashti]

What was her diagnosis, and how old are you?

[mattyb715]

do i really sound that young?? i'm 23. as for what it is, she wont tell me. she said its something with her liver and it was caused by something she has done in her past. she doesn't want me to think less of her so she wont tell me what she did (she's never lied to me before about anything as far as i can tell, were extremely open about each other, so it must be something deep to her. she's led me to believe it was bulimia tho). and as for the future. i'm only 23, i'm not thinking about marriage at all but i dont think this is life effecting enough to make me avoid having a lasting relationship with her.

[IndiReloaded]

Don't take it as an insult, it just matters for context.

23 is very young. And since you have your whole life ahead of you and you aren't seriously invested otherwise in this gal, it affects the advice we give you.

If its bulimia, that means she has pysch issues. At minimum. Not sure you want to go down this path. Anyway, Vash will have more specific info for you.

But, more generally, what is it you hope for with this gal? Why your post?

Weird that she won't tell you more. She's either a drama queen or just very private.

[vashti]

I'm guessing hepatitis, probably type B or C if she is giving up dating (they can be transmitted through sexual contact).

If this is the case, I'd give her up, my friend. Sorry.

I am unaware of any liver problems that arise from bulimia, but I am not a doctor.

[mattyb715]

no ones perfect. i almost killed myself once . . . now we sound like a bunch of psyco's haha. were both normal young 20's people. have goals and work hard to reach them. maybe we strayed along the way. i want to continue the relationship we had. the post may have been a vent. or maybe lookin for advice from someone who's had illnesses.

[mattyb715]

she said its not contagious

[IndiReloaded]

Noone is perfect, but you need to make sure you understand your own motives in wanting to be involved with this gal.

Illnesses of any kind will affect your relationship simply b/c its energy that will go towards the illness and not your relationship. Important in the early years of a relationship.

Read the sticky thread about Shining Knight Syndrome and make sure that doesnt apply. Then post again if you have need.

[mattyb715]

haha i'm not looking to save anyone

[IndiReloaded]

Anything else, then, Matt?

[mattyb715]

wow. sorry for taking up some of your precious forums bandwidth. i'll leave then. thanks for the help

[IndiReloaded]

I meant 'anything else to add to what we have already asked you'. You haven't answered some of our questions.

Didn't anyone ever tell you not to ascribe emotional content to written language? Geeze.

Anyway, Vash & I are probably your mom's age. Wait until tomorrow. You'll get posts from members more your age. May have a different perspective on your issue. Meantime, the more info you give them, the better.

Relax.

[Cbrider]

I'm not even gonna try and spell it, its a disease of the liver caused by too much alcohol. It scars the liver and eventually destroys it, but its usually a consequence of years and years of heavy drinking. The only reason I thought about it was b/c she said she was going to give up drinking.

Its just a thought though.

[MavViper]

it still could be hep B or C given she is giving up practically everything (dating, drinking, other things). As far as it being contagious, I wouldnt think she would give up all of that if it wasn't. My guess is she is having a really hard time with dealing with the news. My suggestion, just be there for her, dont force her to tell you or anything cause that will push her away. Let her be the one to tell you and be there as much as you can and be supportive of everything.