Broken up, still want to pursue.

[Cbrider]

Jesus Lite, you're one tough dude.

I have done the depression thing and been to the point of no return and it was easily the hardest thing i have ever been through and you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy.


Hoopuk, don't wait, don't hope, she doesn't care anymore and is moving in her own direction. If things were good and you treated her well, she will remember and probably pop her head back in one day when shes down on her luck. That is when you can make a choice what YOU want. Until then just forget her and move on with life, she may or may not be back, but either way you have to carve your own path and make YOURSELF happy.

[hoopuk]

Thanks man.

This forum is a great help.

[Lite]

I got her through some bad shit. I'm going through some bad shit right now, and she discards me.

**** it. Time to get out of this.

Yep. Been there mate. When you help someone who is drowning, part of the risk you take is that they're going to panic and to anything and everything to use you as their flotation device. Even if it means drowning you in the process.

She has no sense of empathy for what she's put you through emotionally, and she doesn't care. Maybe eventually she will, but by then it'll probably be too late and you'll have found someone far better.

[Lite]

Jesus Lite, you're one tough dude.

I have done the depression thing and been to the point of no return and it was easily the hardest thing i have ever been through and you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy.

There is a reason why I always tell people they're far stronger than they expect. If you stave off the panic and the fear, you'll figure out exactly what you're made of, and what will and will not break you.

It really takes a lot to seriously emotionally rattle me now. It doesn't mean that things don't hurt me easily, I'm just able to identify what it is that is bothering me, why, and work to either correct it or adapt my reaction to be more useful.

My current personal project is dealing with how I feel when my wife talks about her healing process and all the fun she had... While she was ****ing me over. She isn't talking to hurt me, she's relating what she went through to help another person we know who's having relationship issues. But that doesn't stop me from remembering the pain I was experiencing and making a pretty socially akward face outwardly during that time.

[hoopuk]

It just defies belief how somebody who was once so close to you, would make time for you regardless of anything else, made you the centre of the world and reciprocated every foolish, lovestruck move you made with as much feeling, if not more so, can switch off that part of their brain and ignore the suffering they're causing with such ruthlessness.

I suppose it's a lesson everybody has to learn, but I thought that at 25 I'd finally be getting into relationships that meant something. I'm just thankful that I was never really in love with anybody earlier, because I dread to think how my teenage mind would have handled this. At least I have some self-control and objectivity these days.

But man, the betrayal. I could never do to her what she did to me. Never. I really can't understand it.

But time to move on. I've chucked out loads of stuff, but other things in storage, deleted her number, starting sending emails through dating sites, applied myself to some hobbies, gone to a dinner party, made people laugh and decided that I was the best boyfriend I could ever hope to be, and if she didn't appreciate that, somebody else will.

[Lite]

It just defies belief how somebody who was once so close to you, would make time for you regardless of anything else, made you the centre of the world and reciprocated every foolish, lovestruck move you made with as much feeling, if not more so, can switch off that part of their brain and ignore the suffering they're causing with such ruthlessness.

I suppose it's a lesson everybody has to learn, but I thought that at 25 I'd finally be getting into relationships that meant something. I'm just thankful that I was never really in love with anybody earlier, because I dread to think how my teenage mind would have handled this. At least I have some self-control and objectivity these days.

But man, the betrayal. I could never do to her what she did to me. Never. I really can't understand it.

But time to move on. I've chucked out loads of stuff, but other things in storage, deleted her number, starting sending emails through dating sites, applied myself to some hobbies, gone to a dinner party, made people laugh and decided that I was the best boyfriend I could ever hope to be, and if she didn't appreciate that, somebody else will.

It isn't that they're ignoring it often so much as they're just really that wrapped up in their own internal being. They simply have no concept of what they're doing to other people, or that they lack empathy for the consequences of their actions.

Blame not that on maliciousness, that which can be readily explained by stupidity.

Even my wife falls into this category. She was so caught up in her own little world of pain and trying to cope that she didn't have a good sense of the pain she was causing me by her own actions. Yes she did it, yes she was wrong, no it doesn't excuse her behavior. It merely explains it. Only you can accept or reject whether there was mitigation involved, and only you can forgive. Forgetting is idiotic though.

Good for you in moving on and working to better your life. Just take your time, don't be in a hurry to do much of anything right now. Just don't close your eyes to a good thing if it comes your way either.

[hoopuk]

I don't feel any ill-will towards her. I believe that I can get into her head and see why she's doing this, and I know her well enough to see how she prioritises things in her life. She's very career-minded, very straightforward in her pursuit of stability and very malleable towards circumstance. She also knows that she is mind-bogglingly hot and able to catch any man she wishes. That's who she is. That's the person I love, so I can't see these personality traits as anything other than that.

I'm the opposite. Emotionally I'm stable and very giving, but in terms of aspirations in the material life, I'm not the same as her. I always said that because of this, we balanced each other out. I gave her a bit of impulsiveness and excitement, showed her new things... but having to spend time apart has made her realise that she wants somebody in synch with her own ideals, I suppose.

It's a ****ing shame. It really is. If we'd met when she was 27, things would have been different, I'm sure. But we met while she still has the whole world to discover as a driven, ambitious, beautiful girl, and I can't blame her for wanting to explore this fully.

Man...