Revelation!

[Cain]

I've been wanting to write an update for a while but I've been putting it off until I had more to talk about. I'm trying to avoid writing an update every week and I'm sure most of you are just as tired of reading them. However, I like writing down my thoughts and having discussions with people about them and so a journal is out of the question. Therefore, I decided to post this here.

My ex and I haven't spoken in nearly two months. It's the longest we've goen without speaking since we started dating nearly two years ago, and I must say that I feel great. I wasn't over her before, but I can tell that I am now because I feel nothing. I don't hate her. I don't love her. I don't wish her ill will. I don't wish her happiness. I don't really care. I just know that no matter what happens in my life or hers, she'll will never be a part of mine.

I have learned a lot about myself. I know that I didn't act the way I should have when she and I first broke up. I should have accepted it in the beginning and moved on then, but it was hard and I couldn't accept it. I felt like she was the perfect girl for me and that I wouldn't find better. I may have lowered my perception of my self worth as well. However, after six months I realize that I'm fine. I'm a catch. I may not be the best guy out there, but I know that I'm a damn good one and I don't have to lower myself to someone that doesn't deserve me.

I've changed a lot. When I first started posting here I was very opinionated. I still am in certain ways, but not nearly as bad as I was. I've gone out and had a lot of fun since I've been single. I've explored promiscuity (have had sex with more than just the one that I mentioned here) and I've enjoyed it. I've spoken to many different women and dated a few others. I wanted to stay single until one girl was able to grab me and make me want a relationship. And I think I found that girl.

It's someone that I've been talking to for a little while now. We aren't in a relationship but we're close. The only issue with us is that she's two hours away, but she happens to go to a university I'm thinking about attending in the Fall. I know that a few of the posters here already know about her and I've spoken to a few in PM. I won't mention here what was mentioned in those PMs, but I will say that concern was unnecessary.

All in all, I feel better now than I have in the last two years. I'm living my life and enjoying it. I've decided for sure that I will be pursuing law. I'm going to major in political science with a minor in pre-law and will be graduating from the honor's program from the university I plan to attend. I will be foregoing the community college like I had initially planned because I want to experience college life. You only get to do it once and I don't want to miss the chance. I'm still single, but that may not last too long. We're simply taking things slowly and are seeing each other every weekend so far. She actually asked me today if we could do something on Valentine's Day.

I'm sure there's more to say, so feel free to discuss. Most of you know me and if I don't get responses I'll just bump the shit out of this thread. So let's save us both the trouble and discuss.

[Lipp]

Multo bueno.

[Cain]

That response doesn't count.

Discussion is needed!

[Charlie Boy II]

yeah now that I think about it, you have changed a helluva lot since you first started on here.

[1averagejoe]

Sounds like things are going good...but why do you always have to fall for the ones that are far from home?

[Cain]

yeah now that I think about it, you have changed a helluva lot since you first started on here.

It's weird to look back and see how some of my views have morphed over the last several months. It's refreshing. I don't regret having changed my attitude on many different topics in the least. In fact, it's allowed me to have quite a bit more fun.

[Cain]

Sounds like things are going good...but why do you always have to fall for the ones that are far from home?

It happens. This isn't such a big deal though. With us both being in school, it's actually probably best that we don't live within a short distance of each other or we wouldn't get a lot done. If I do decide to go to that university, then the distance will only be until August and it's not like it's that big of a distance. We do see each other every weekend.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I never got a pm you ****ing fag.

Suck a dick!

[Cain]

I never got a pm you ****ing fag.

Suck a dick!

That's because I talk to you over MSN you stupid whore.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I'm your stupid whore you cock sucking ass licking uncle ****er

[Cain]

I'm your stupid whore you cock sucking ass licking uncle ****er

I never said you weren't.

You'll always be my stupid whore.

[Lite]

I never said you weren't.

You'll always be my stupid whore.

You're a boner biting bastard, Uncle ****er.

[Kiechi]

Y'all a bunch of ****in' gyppos.

[Cbrider]

Heh, its funny how people half a world away can be going through identical situations.

I joined after you but have read just about every post you have made since I joined, you and I mirror each other in a lot of ways.

I feel the same way you do, I was really torn up when I decided to break away from my ex, I cried about what I did but I knew I would never be happy because there was no compromising or reasoning with her.

I spent the last 3 or so months trying to justify what I did and just couldn't find a reason to have left her, I loved her with all my heart and she was the world to me......the feeling just became too one sided with this other guy being a part of the picture and her life.

She recently started dating this other guy which was kind of the last straw in a way. it killed any hope I had for working it out and trying to live a happy life with her, I only asked that she remove this guy from OUR life. I was going to hold fast to the thought of a life with her, but I know it can never work if she has no intention of changing.

As far as i know, they are living to together, and thats more than I cared to know, people just thought I would want to for whatever reason. I also feel no hate or anger, but the love has faded slowly too, I realized like you that I have so much to offer the girl that wants to be with me that I shouldn't waste it on someone who doesn't know what they want.

She is plagued by personal insecurities and a need for attachment to something so she went after this other guy because he has no confidence and can't stand up for himself. It really is a sad situation, at first I was jealous and angry, but now I see just how pathetic it all became and glad I chose to leave when i did.

Its been a rough last three months, but everyday is better and better.

I don't sleep around, its not in my nature and never will be something i do, but I realized just how easy it is to get a girl if I wanted to. I enjoy being single and having my freedom to do things, mainly because I don't have a feeling of guilt all the time that i did something wrong or made someone mad like i did with my ex. I pride myself on being a good person, I made some mistakes while we dated and would admit to the ones I know I was wrong about now.

The last thing I talked to her about before saying goodbye for the last time was her insecurity and lack of trust in people. I told her things she didn't want to hear, that she was really pessimistic about everything and generally unhappy from everything i gathered over the time I knew her. It made her mad and I knew it would, but I wont lie to her, I cared about her.

She obviously thinks I am wrong by the way shes acted and thats fine, but one day down the road, probably when i am long gone from her life, she will understand what I said and realize that I really did care.

Shes happy for the moment because shes with someone who's submissive to her in every way and will never say no or defend himself. The problem is it wont last because shes not happy with herself and you can't be happy with another person until shes happy with herself. She will continue to walk blindly through life unhappy and unable to smile until she can face her fears.

Me on the other hand, I'm not waiting around and limiting myself, I have a life to live and your either by my side or your not. I just got a new apartment right on campus and its like a five star hotel compared to where I was at. We have 2 college girls on the other half of our duplex and 4 college girls in the house on the other side. They are all very cool and friendly and actually helped my roommate and I move in. I have lived here for 3 days and have already met 6 new friends......how easy was that?

So Cain, it took us both 4 months to realize how blind we were to our own good, but in the end we both were able to see it. You like discussion, just like me....here you go.

[Mish]

Sounds good Cain, best wishes