big problem,need advice please help

[lightning88]

I have a question,I'm 20 years old and have a freind who I've known a long time,shes 16,and I love her and shes expressed the same to me. She asked me to "be hers". I said no because of the obvious age issue. But I want to say yes. Is it wrong for me to be with her as long as we dont have sex? To be honest I havnt much and dont really care if I do. To be blunt I can handle it myself. And shes been raped so I know its not an issue with her either. I really do love her and want her to be mine. As long as we behave sexually is that okay? what exactly are the laws about it. I'm kind of lost and need help. I really want her badly to be my gf but I dont want to be in trouble or be a pedofile. wtf do i do???

[Cain]

As long as you don't have sex with her then you aren't breaking any US laws. However, her parents still might not approve. Personally, I don't see what you have to gain. Though it's only a four year gap, you're both in different stages in life right now.

If she were my daughter, I likely wouldn't be allowing it.

[lightning88]

my parents dont approve and her mother is scum and doesnt really care about her,but my parents hate her for a diff reason,not cus of her age. they tell me not to see her but I tell them im going other places and go see her.im not looking to gain anything i just want to be with her cus I love her.

[Cain]

my parents dont approve and her mother is scum and doesnt really care about her,but my parents hate her for a diff reason,not cus of her age. they tell me not to see her but I tell them im going other places and go see her.im not looking to gain anything i just want to be with her cus I love her.

I stand by what I said. You're in different stages in life. She's still in the immature high schooler phase. You shouldn't be. Are you in college? Do you work? Where is she going to college when she graduates?

Personally, I think that you're better off finding someone your own age.

[lightning88]

I do work,I have my own car pay my own payments etc. Ive already taken some college courses and dont curenntly plan on taking anymore at the moment,but maybe later. she has been through alot thats kind of forced her to be tough and mature we get along really well and have known each other a long time. She will go to college the same place I did its like the one for 400 miles.

[Cain]

I don't know what else to tell you. All I can say is that I think you should find someone your own age that is in the same phase of life you're in. But do what you want to do.

[lightning88]

Thanks Cain,I dont know what I'll do,for now I'll stick to saying no but I know I will want to be with her when shes older.

I was hoping to see what ppl thought about it.

[Cain]

Thanks Cain,I dont know what I'll do,for now I'll stick to saying no but I know I will want to be with her when shes older.

I was hoping to see what ppl thought about it.

I hope you aren't going to wait for her.

[lightning88]

In a way,I'm sure I'll be with other girls before shes 18. But I still feel like I'll end up with her and I am stuck kind of waiting. But if your asking if I wouldnt date anyone else,no of course I will.

[Gigabitch]

but my parents hate her for a diff reason,not cus of her age.

Well, what is the reason?

[carl1222]

As long as you don't have sex with her then you aren't breaking any US laws. However, her parents still might not approve. Personally, I don't see what you have to gain. Though it's only a four year gap, you're both in different stages in life right now.

If she were my daughter, I likely wouldn't be allowing it.

That's not necessarily true, Cain. I'm no expert on California law, but many states have child morals protection laws other than statutory rape (i.e. corruption of morals, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, etc.) that prosecutors will aggressively use if asked to.

Even with statutory sex crimes (California age of consent is 18 with no age peers exception) the definition of what constitutes "having sex" varies from state to state. It can range from something as innocent as fondling her breasts through her clothing or letting her see you naked.

And before you suggest that you could use webcams as a way of avoiding breaking the law ... that's against federal law if sexual conduct (or even nudity) is involved.

Despite your resolve to "be good," I wouldn't enter into any kind of a romantic relationship with a girl under 18 in California without consulting with a California criminal lawyer first.

Carl.

[Cain]

That's not necessarily true, Cain. I'm no expert on California law, but many states have child morals protection laws other than statutory rape (i.e. corruption of morals, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, etc.) that prosecutors will aggressively use if asked to.

Even with statutory sex crimes (California age of consent is 18 with no age peers exception) the definition of what constitutes "having sex" varies from state to state. It can range from something as innocent as fondling her breasts through her clothing or letting her see you naked.

And before you suggest that you could use webcams as a way of avoiding breaking the law ... that's against federal law if sexual conduct (or even nudity) is involved.

Despite your resolve to "be good," I wouldn't enter into any kind of a romantic relationship with a girl under 18 in California without consulting with a California criminal lawyer first.

Carl.

I had actually wrote about contributing to the delinquency of a minor in my original post before editing it out, but because I knew that it varied from state to state I didn't want to give legal advice as set in stone, so thank you for mentioning that.

I can't wait to finally get through law school and start practicing criminal law.

[lightning88]

That's not necessarily true, Cain. I'm no expert on California law, but many states have child morals protection laws other than statutory rape (i.e. corruption of morals, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, etc.) that prosecutors will aggressively use if asked to.

Even with statutory sex crimes (California age of consent is 18 with no age peers exception) the definition of what constitutes "having sex" varies from state to state. It can range from something as innocent as fondling her breasts through her clothing or letting her see you naked.

And before you suggest that you could use webcams as a way of avoiding breaking the law ... that's against federal law if sexual conduct (or even nudity) is involved.

Despite your resolve to "be good," I wouldn't enter into any kind of a romantic relationship with a girl under 18 in California without consulting with a California criminal lawyer first.

Carl.

I realize seeing her naked or allowing her to see me or touching each other in a sexual way is against the law. And I wouldnt/won't let that happen. Nor would I cyber with her under 18. But I do have a question.

Would something as inocent as kissing her get me in trouble?

This is her question not mine ^

[Cain]

I realize seeing her naked or allowing her to see me or touching each other in a sexual way is against the law. And I wouldnt/won't let that happen. Nor would I cyber with her under 18. But I do have a question.

Would something as inocent as kissing her get me in trouble?

This is her question not mine ^

In some places, kissing could be viewed as lewd and lascivious acts with a minor which is against the law.

[Mish]

I realize seeing her naked or allowing her to see me or touching each other in a sexual way is against the law. And I wouldnt/won't let that happen. Nor would I cyber with her under 18. But I do have a question.

Are you sure such a relationship is even worth having? It sounds like too many restrictions and too many things to worry about to me. Why not find someone your own age with whom you can fully appreciate the relationship?