I've always wondered...

[lesa]

Right on IndiReloaded about the placeholder. That's probably what I would sense from a guy who comes to me after his first choice did not work out. He knows I'm not the one for him so I really don't want to waste our time--especially if I was looking for a serious long term relationship and he is only looking for casual until he finds that one. But if he knows that I am the one for him then that's great.

[Cain]

Right on IndiReloaded about the placeholder. That's probably what I would sense from a guy who comes to me after his first choice did not work out. He knows I'm not the one for him so I really don't want to waste our time--especially if I was looking for a serious long term relationship and he is only looking for casual until he finds that one. But if he knows that I am the one for him then that's great.

But that's a little ridiculous don't you think? You're expecting someone to know whether you're the one for him after only a month? That's about as silly as someone saying that they love a person after a month.

We're not talking about an extended period of time here. It's not as if he knew you both for a year or two and then picked someone else. It is only a month.

[misombra]

yesterday i was at a store and i saw this girl who, a long time ago, sort of took the guy i was sort of talking to. well this girl who was an acquaintance came in and gave it up to him. the worst part is that he gave in to the lust. it's a double wammy. people who do that are scummy ass whores in my opinion, and the guys who get with them are just as pathetic.

but it certainly is another example of how whores help people. i'm glad he got weeded out.

in that particular scenario, no i would not get with that person again.

[Mish]

How do you all feel about it? Would you step away from that person entirely or would you still give it a shot? Would it always be in the back of your mind?

I would base my decision entirely on the chemistry I have with this person and reasons why I wasn't chosen. If the reason why I wasn't chosen was because of bad chemistry then forget about it, I'd tell her to stay away from me myself. Though, if the two of us are really good together and it was just a flip decision at the time then why not. I wouldn't let some pitiful pride get in the way of something good.

[lesa]

But that's a little ridiculous don't you think? You're expecting someone to know whether you're the one for him after only a month? That's about as silly as someone saying that they love a person after a month.

We're not talking about an extended period of time here. It's not as if he knew you both for a year or two and then picked someone else. It is only a month.

Maybe I would give him a date or two (if I am still interested) and decide from there. He would have to show signs that he is really into me or I would drop him as quickly as his last "date".

Yes, thirty days is adequate time. His last date dropped him in less than thirty days, did she not? Why waste time if you know they are not for you?

[Cain]

yesterday i was at a store and i saw this girl who, a long time ago, sort of took the guy i was sort of talking to. well this girl who was an acquaintance came in and gave it up to him. the worst part is that he gave in to the lust. it's a double wammy. people who do that are scummy ass whores in my opinion, and the guys who get with them are just as pathetic.

but it certainly is another example of how whores help people. i'm glad he got weeded out.

in that particular scenario, no i would not get with that person again.

I agree. In that situation I wouldn't be able to give someone another chance. I'm talking not about lust or infatuation, but just general feelings in a month period.

[Cain]

I would base my decision entirely on the chemistry I have with this person and reasons why I wasn't chosen. If the reason why I wasn't chosen was because of bad chemistry then forget about it, I'd tell her to stay away from me myself. Though, if the two of us are really good together and it was just a flip decision at the time then why not. I wouldn't let some pitiful pride get in the way of something good.

That's what I'm talking about. Assuming that both people had good chemistry with the other person and they just had to make a decision.

[lesa]

That's what I'm talking about. Assuming that both people had good chemistry with the other person and they just had to make a decision.

I said the same thing many posts ago but in a different way though. I guess Cain doesn't like me.

[lesa]

That's what I'm talking about. Assuming that both people had good chemistry with the other person and they just had to make a decision.

Now I'm curious: If he had good chemistry with both ladies, what made him choose one from the other? It probably doesn't matter but it may. There's always a reason. Was one prettier, perhaps or had a better personality?

I'm having flashbacks. I was actually in this situation. Two guys asked me out in same week. They both had great potential and I liked them both and had great chemistry. They both showed interests. I choose the guy that was truly EXCITED to be with me. He was amazing. I won't repeat the ending. I let a good one get away due to my immaturity...

The other guy was interested but he talked more on the phone and was too hesitant in dating and giving me his free time.

The winning guy was dating me at every free time he had and he had a busy schedule! He basically said that I was his one (in about one month's time) and was unofficially engaged in 5-6 months.

[Cain]

Now I'm curious: If he had good chemistry with both ladies, what made him choose one from the other? It probably doesn't matter but it may. There's always a reason. Was one prettier, perhaps or had a better personality?

I'm having flashbacks. I was actually in this situation. Two guys asked me out in same week. They both had great potential and I liked them both and had great chemistry. They both showed interests. I choose the guy that was truly EXCITED to be with me. He was amazing. I won't repeat the ending. I let a good one get away due to my immaturity...

The other guy was interested but he talked more on the phone and was too hesitant in dating and giving me his free time.

The winning guy was dating me at every free time he had and he had a busy schedule! He basically said that I was his one (in about one month's time) and was unofficially engaged in 5-6 months.

Sure, there's a reason. But why can't the reason be that there might have been a little more chemistry with that other person? Or maybe they just gave off the better first impression? We're not talking about anything negative. We're trying to establish a decision based on as perfect and nice of a situation that you can get.

[lesa]

Sure, there's a reason. But why can't the reason be that there might have been a little more chemistry with that other person? Or maybe they just gave off the better first impression? We're not talking about anything negative. We're trying to establish a decision based on as perfect and nice of a situation that you can get.

Yeah but obviously the chemistry was not great enough to keep them together.

I may give him the same chance and see if we have chemistry and are compatible. I would end it immediately if we did not. If I was younger I probably would hang on longer, idk.

[Cain]

Yeah but obviously the chemistry was not great enough to keep them together.

I may give him the same chance and see if we have chemistry and are compatible. I would end it immediately if we did not. If I was younger I probably would hang on longer, idk.

I think you're looking at this negatively though. Is it really that bad of a thing that you weren't chosen? Just because your chemistry wasn't as strong as it was between him and the other girl? What if it was only a minor difference in chemistry? The fact that you're wanting to end it immediately makes it seem like you're willing to give him one or two dates and if there isn't some amazing amount of chemistry then you'll want to leave.

[IndiReloaded]

I always find it an agonizing choice deciding b/t the double chocolate mousse and orange amaretto cheesecake...

Both know they are so good, tho, that I don't think either is offended when I choose one over the other. Just depends on how I'm feeling that evening.

[misombra]

wow. i always took for granted how simple dessert is.

i had this cake one time called triple sec chocolate cake. yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmm.

[lesa]

The fact that you're wanting to end it immediately makes it seem like you're willing to give him one or two dates and if there isn't some amazing amount of chemistry then you'll want to leave.

That is correct.

I would give it two or more dates though. The first date is just to see whether we have potential for a relationship.

I can't imagine dating him for too long if we already know we are not the one for each other....or what we were looking for. If he is looking for something serious and I am looking for something casual isn't it wrong to string them along or even use them as a placeholder? We need to be in agreement.