Girlfriend not ready to have sex and now I know why....what to do?

[lesa]

Well yes, lesa ... 99% of the time, a guy will not rape a girl even if he is enraged. And when they do, you can defend yourself ... maybe. But why go out of your way to invite such an attack? It's precisely her lack of wisdom I am talking about. Look, most guys identify c**k teasers, spread the word among their friends, and they are ostracized by all but the stupid. I have passed on pursuing girls with that reputation.

I agree that she is a c**k teaser.

I must admit though that guys are horny a lot....at least the ones I know are.


Also NOTE: We are talking about a risk for date rape and not stranger rape. Usually date rapist behave differently and not with so much aggression and strength. Usually the female is either asleep or she doesn't defend herself.

[nuevo]

just make her horny and **** HER!

[carl1222]

I agree that she is a c**k teaser.

I must admit though that guys are horny a lot....at least the ones I know are.

Of course we are, lesa ... but in all honesty, would you want guys to be like girls??? *POOF" there goes all the extra attention. *POOF* there goes the female advantage/choosiness. *POOF* there goes all the "woman powers."

I celebrate all the differences! Girls are soft and curvy ... yummy. You should celebrate the differences too ... that men are insanely and without reason drawn to you while you can be more reserved and rational about it all.

If men were like women, we'd never get together. If women were like men, we would never get anyhing else done!

So it works!

Carl.

[lesa]

Of course we are, lesa ... but in all honesty, would you want guys to be like girls??? *POOF" there goes all the extra attention. *POOF* there goes the female advantage/choosiness. *POOF* there goes all the "woman powers."

I celebrate all the differences! Girls are soft and curvy ... yummy. You should celebrate the differences too ... that men are insanely and without reason drawn to you while you can be more reserved and rational about it all.

If men were like women, we'd never get together. If women were like men, we would never get anyhing else done!

So it works!

Carl.

If men are horny a lot and I am surrounded by men should I prepare my escape? Or do they only attack when I tease them? Are there only certain types of tease that may put me in this situation?

[il.mafiozzzo]

LOL, this thread turned into a diary of some sort! But anyways, a lot of you say she's a slut I first thought the same but I really can't agree! From the ages of 15-18 she only had 1 BF back in her country and till she was 21 she had no sex, no kissing, no touching etc. and had a sheltered life over there. She had a very hard time getting over the breakup. So when she came to america she just wanted to have a good time enjoy the "freedom" and well she did 5 guys. Now this messed her up (so she says) and she feels very guilty so she's ashamed of what she did and well it's hard for her to do me despite she wants me so much. This is her version of the story, I know it sounds strange but then again I'm really confused here myself and don't know what to do. The reason I'm with her is I have really great times with her and we talk about everything and it's making everything even harder.

[carl1222]

LOL, this thread turned into a diary of some sort! But anyways, a lot of you say she's a slut I first thought the same but I really can't agree! From the ages of 15-18 she only had 1 BF back in her country and till she was 21 she had no sex, no kissing, no touching etc. and had a sheltered life over there. She had a very hard time getting over the breakup. So when she came to america she just wanted to have a good time enjoy the "freedom" and well she did 5 guys. Now this messed her up (so she says) and she feels very guilty so she's ashamed of what she did and well it's hard for her to do me despite she wants me so much. This is her version of the story, I know it sounds strange but then again I'm really confused here myself and don't know what to do. The reason I'm with her is I have really great times with her and we talk about everything and it's making everything even harder.

It's not that I'm saying she's a slut now ... just that she's using her self-admitted PAST sluttiness as her reason for no sex NOW. As I said a couple of times, I'm only speculating here based on her behavior towards you that you might want consider the possibility she may be playing a game with you.

Her story about her recent past may be a total fabrication ... only she knows for sure.

The best way to tell I suppose is in the nature of your intimate activities. Some girls choose not to have sex at various points for many reasons. If she is truly ashamed of her past then it seems that she would either 1) avoid all sexual contact with you; or 2) set limits for sexual contact that give BOTH of you sexual pleasure short of intercourse. Both of these possibilities would fit with her story.

BUT if the limits she set are designed to get you very worked up and then leave you sexually frustrated ("blue balls") then she may be playing a very cruel game with you.

Carl.

[Aeradalia]

Just set up the boundaries of how much play is too much... if she's not teasing you... then she'll realize that she's inadvertently being cruel and will respect these boundaries.

If she is teasing you, then she will ignore or slowly press the issue with these boundaries for her own amusement.

That would be the quickest way to tell if she is being cruel or not...

[carl1222]

If men are horny a lot and I am surrounded by men should I prepare my escape? Or do they only attack when I tease them? Are there only certain types of tease that may put me in this situation?

Fear not, lesa, horny men are not by nature rapists!

Men are used to being denied sex, men are used to a certain amount of coquettishness and flirtation without giving her the label "c*ck teaser."

The kind of "teasing" that might trigger a man into enough rage to rape is very limited. Aeradalia describes it as a deliberate pattern of inviting sex followed by denial (beg/deny). I describe it as "yes, yes,yes, yes, no" An extreme example of this would be for a girl to agree to everything right up to the point of penetration and then just stop cold without offering him any alternate form of relief. A guy will perceive that (with substantial justification) as deliberate abuse and it will enrage him. Even still, the vast majority of men will simply curse her out and never speak to her again ... but once in a great while, it may trigger date rape.

Carl.

[il.mafiozzzo]

I doubt she wants to play games she very much likes me calls me all the time and such but I can understand she did something she isn't so it can be not easy afterwards even with me.

[Gooshy]

dump that girl .. she got 5 guys in it, and now using your head for fun.. If she was 18yr , i would say she was childish.. but no excuse to for a 20yr to be teasing a man like this unless it was head games.
Another thing is, she probably has something to hide down there in parntiz.. or maybe likes someone else. Who knows. I would scram and find me another girl.

[Aeradalia]

I doubt she wants to play games she very much likes me calls me all the time and such but I can understand she did something she isn't so it can be not easy afterwards even with me.

Games can still be played even if she were unaware... I strongly advise setting up those boundaries so that she may learn to respect you --- and keep you from becoming sexually frustrated.

This will have to happen anyway and is perfectly normal for a healthy relationship...

[Mish]

Masturbate on her

[NeoSeminole]

this girl sounds like trash. Get rid of her. I have no tolerance for girls who are quick to spread their legs for random guys but then make their boyfriends wait for sex.

[lesa]

this girl sounds like trash. Get rid of her. I have no tolerance for girls who are quick to spread their legs for random guys but then make their boyfriends wait for sex.

I agree. That's really wishy-washy and crazy. It sounds like she is trying to "improve" but obviously she is playing around with all that teasing. I've noticed a lot of people talk like that--sex the random person quickly but wait longer for boyfriends/girlfriends. Weird indeed but apparently it works for some people...it sounds quite common. It's trashy behavior IMO. She is not girlfriend material to me. I would dump a guy that does those things.

If she is seriously trying to up her standards for herself then I say that's great. I hope she's doing that but with all that tease it sounds doubtful. If she would still sex a random guy in a second, she is trashy. If a man does that he is trashy as well.

[Lite]

Sounds like she's just really insecure and you'd be much better off without her neurotic ass.