It doesn't matter how I feel, I always want her next to me.... That's not going to happen. But even though the past two years have been bashing me so hard that now I'm just a depressed, loveless, miserable piece of shit, I think I really do love her. I want her to be happy and find a great guy someday, and I would beat the shit out of anybody who wrongs her.
And now, I just can't move on. I drag my ass out of bed everyday to think about her over and over. I'm a diligent, hard working christian. But I feel like I have no love and no motivation. I feel like nothing, and I just can't find the will to live, much less than being my best.
I'm done giving this more time. There are people - myself included - that are depending on me to work hard and become successful. But the road I'm on right now is leading me deeper into this hole.
I feel the need to just talk to her. She knows how I feel, but not the extent of my feelings. I know she feels bad for me. And I hate myself for it because I don't want to pass any of my hurt onto her. I'm praying to god every two minutes to give me a miracle, and my hope is dying. Please don't tell me to just forget about it and move on, because I just can't bring myself to doing that. I know I can't forget about her just like that, and that moving on is like weight loss... But I've been getting fatter ( sorry that's a horrible analogy)/.
what can I do? What should I say? I need my life back. so ppplease help me