Once a Liar always a liar

[Ruguy]

Well, I was an ass to my girlfriend (wife now), and I mean really bad ass. Was doing a lot of self destructive shit. She sertainly did not feel loved or cared for by me. I know that. However, she was there with me all the time. Later on I find out that she has been in contact and perhaps saw her old ex-bfriend (they became friends after they broke up).
I went crazy after I found out but she swore that nothing physical had took place. She needed a friend more then anything else. Something that I did not give her at that time.
Ever since that took place she did not give me any reasons to beleive or feel that something is still happening. However, ever since then I been having trust issues. Not very severe but something that bothers me now and again.
So here Mishanya, you tell me.

[IndiReloaded]

Its sounds to me you were a shit, you know you were a shit & your wife looked elsewhere for support. This is a *classic* emotional affair scenario, btw.

Did she actually cheat on you? Take it to a physical level? Make plans to leave you for this other guy? Unless she did, I would argue her behaviour may have been simply 'relationship survival'. You still may be able to salvage your marriage with some committed counselling. I would do this asap.

If she did do any of those things, then I guess its a question of where your boundaries lie. And how whatever you did balances those out. Sounds like you've got some hard thinking to do.

Good luck.

[Ruguy]

Yes I was. A big one at that. Fighting my own demons and not really carying for anything else. It seems that I fought them for a reason because I won. We cannot spend any breathing moment apart (outside of work) nowadays.

She swears she did not have anything physical and I got sort of the confirmation from him and several other sourses as well that she didnt.

Its just that thought: Was that a search for emotional support elswhere or is this a personal trait of hers. Even sound stupid as I am writing because she is showing me everyday that its first. But it seems that the demons I chased away left a resident to explore. Its more elusive this time though.

[IndiReloaded]

Women are different animals from men. They have more emotional needs than men & look to their partners for validation for them. Women gain a lot of identity from their personal relationships. Even more 'male-minded' females still need this to some extent. So yes, it probably is in her personality. Its also probably what makes her the warm, beautiful lady you love when things are going right.

Will Harley has an excellent site that goes into this in more detail. And, for the guys, actual tips on HOW to solve this issue.

[url]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html[/url]

Good luck.

[Ruguy]

Thank you very much.
I know they do. My especially. If she is looking at me to validate them, I will make it a mission for the rest of my life. I already lived half of it and know what is good when I see it.