Will Mistake Ruin Relationship?

[Yggdrasil]

Erm, what I was trying to say with the religious bashing is that this virginity thing is a religious thing (as was stated by Silentvoid in an earlier post) and that it's not really fair to push that topic because of a religious belief. It's her good right to have that belief, freedom of religion and freedom of expression and such. That's a respect issue. I am not going to for example tell a muslim woman to stop wearing her hijab. That would be disrespectfull.

I don't think for a moment that her view on virginity is the actual problem, I believe it's more the trauma she has encountered and that she's using this virginity thing to protect herself from more trauma. My main concern is that this guy whom she loves and whom she says respects her, doesn't appear to be very understanding about her trauma comming from sexual abuse. That has nothing to do with religion or personal beliefs.

It is my opinion that she should seek professional help in regards to that particular trauma, before even thinking about having sex. A sincere, loving and respectfull partner, should understand that.

That's my entire point, regardless of the virginity issue, which is totaly besides the point.

Call this a reality check.

[Junket]

That's my entire point, regardless of the virginity issue, which is totaly besides the point.

Precisely.

She's getting way too caught up in this virginity thing when it's not even really the issue.

Yes, I'm sure her abuse play a large role in all this, but it still isn't the problem she presented to us.

What she brought here is:

She believes one thing, her boyfriend believes something else.

She hasn't given us much to work with to achieve a resolution because she, and everyone else is getting caught up in the irrelevant shit.

[IndiReloaded]

Thanks Ygg, for putting this thread back on track. She needs therapy, regardless.

Go get help from a professional, doll. Not a free public board.

[Rollerderby]

Counseling for the sexual trauma is a necessary thing to do, for any abuse victims. Have you been before? I'm sorry that something like that happened to you, but you can't expect waiting til marriage affect your psyche on the situation. How can you ever expect to have a healthy sex life, if sex only reminds you of the abuse?

This virginity thing... I agree with Yggdrasil, you're using it more as a crutch when it comes to your situation with your current. Even you said, you're not totally set on waiting til marriage. So don't. Listen to the posters, no matter what you think of them, they have some valid opinions.

I don't understand this, "My ex nearly entered me, and there was blood and pain..." Now, I don't need a play-by-play but the terms "nearly entered" and "blood and pain" don't seem like they would be set in the same context. Unless, you know, it was like a scene out of that movie Se7en, which you don't really want me to describe in detail if you haven't seen it. If you were bleeding, and in pain, I think it was a bit harder than nearly.

If you would be so kind as to answer where you are from. We aren't sure what kind of culture you are in. I think if you went to counseling, you might not hold so tightly to the idea that you're body is in tact. You can still be pure and not be a virgin.
St. Augustine has some thoughts on sex outside of marriage, saying God cannot possibly frown on something that is done out of love. It may not be his favorite, but it depends on what is in someone's hearts. Take comfort in that if you are with your bf whom you love very much and whom loves you too, God (whoever he is to you) will not be looking at you with condemning eyes. Mayhaps, good loving sex with your bf might even be more healing than anything.

Sexual... healing.... Start slow, say stop when you want. Go to counseling. Let people speak their freedom of speech.