So sometimes the first time is awkward

[Hellfire]

I've never cum, during sex or otherwise (or at least I don't think I have. Since the only info people can give me on cumming tends to be "you'll know when it happens" I have to assume that I haven't), so I can't really give tips on improvement. S&M however, (in small doses, ie: spanking and tieing up) is SOOOO much fun, as long as you're comfortable enough with the person you're doing it with. Take my advice (please) and settle on a safe word before hand. You don't want an "Oh God Stop" to slip out and stop your extasy by accident (trust me, it happens). Also, to start out with, use stuff that's not too scary, like stockings rather than rope, a guys tie rather than leather hand cuffs, a hairbrush rather than a spike studded paddle. You get the gist.

[Rollerderby]

He keeps asking me if I've come after sex. It feels nice, but I'm just not there yet. I think he also might be smaller than other lovers I've had, but I'm willing to work through this kind o' thing. I don't want to be discouraged especially since it's still so freakin new, you need time to feel comfortable and shit. Right?

[Yggdrasil]

He keeps asking me if I've come after sex. It feels nice, but I'm just not there yet. I think he also might be smaller than other lovers I've had, but I'm willing to work through this kind o' thing. I don't want to be discouraged especially since it's still so freakin new, you need time to feel comfortable and shit. Right?

Yes, it takes time for you to know your partner, and for your partner to know you. Talking helps a lot. Telling eachother what you like and dislike and trying new stuff. Try to stay openminded. Basically, everything goes as long as it feels good and it ok with both. And of course you have to trust your partner. That again takes time.

The fact that he's asking you if you had an orgasm, shows that it's important to him that you have a good time to, so it's not all about him. I think that's a good sign.

You may want to 'guide' him a little. Like: oh yes, that feels good, or, a bit more to the left, yes, right there.. harder.. faster... I think you get the gist

I'm gona have to change my handle to: Sue Johanson

[Charlie Boy II]

He keeps asking me if I've come after sex.

haha, he sounds like a real rookie. Most guys know if you have to ask, you already know the answer.

I'm sure he''ll get better.

[vashti]

I've never had a G-spot orgasm. I don't even know what it feels like. I think I knew where it is; inside by your lower stomach, no? Sometimes I feel like I have to pee during sex, even if I've gone before hand, which I try to so i don't get a UTI. Does that pee feeling have something to do with the G-spot?.

You are supposed to pee AFTER sex to prevent UTIs, and to be honest, I have better orgasms when my bladder is not empty. Also, you can enjoy looking for that G spot orgasm, but don't become obssessed with it. It isn't even a medical certainty that it exists, and you won't find it listed in almost any anatomy book.

[url]http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11518892[/url]

[Yggdrasil]

You are supposed to pee AFTER sex to prevent UTIs, and to be honest, I have better orgasms when my bladder is not empty. Also, you can enjoy looking for that G spot orgasm, but don't become obssessed with it. It isn't even a medical certainty that it exists, and you won't find it listed in almost any anatomy book.

[url]http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11518892[/url] (Published 2001 Aug;185(2):359-62)

From the same site:

Measurement of the thickness of the urethrovaginal space in women with or without vaginal orgasm.

[URL="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18221286"]http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18221286[/URL] (Published 2008 Mar;5(3):610-8.)

INTRODUCTION: The physiology and anatomy of female sexual function are poorly understood. The differences in sexual function among women may be partly attributed to anatomical factors. AIM: The purpose of this study was to use ultrasonography to evaluate the anatomical variability of the urethrovaginal space in women with and without vaginal orgasm.

METHODS: Twenty healthy, neurologically intact volunteers were recruited from a population of women who were a part of a previous published study. All women underwent a complete urodynamic evaluation and those with clinical and urodynamic urinary incontinence, idiopathic detrusor overactivity, or micturition disorders, as well as postmenopausal women and those with sexual dysfunction were excluded. The reported experience of vaginal orgasm was investigated.

MAIN OUTCOME MEASURE: The urethrovaginal space thickness as measured by ultrasound was chosen as the indicator of urogenital anatomical variability. Designated evaluators carried out the measurements in a blinded fashion.

RESULTS: The urethrovaginal space and distal, middle, and proximal urethrovaginal segments were thinner in women without vaginal orgasm. A direct correlation between the presence of vaginal orgasm and the thickness of urethrovaginal space was found. Women with a thicker urethrovaginal space were more likely to experience vaginal orgasm (r = 0.884; P = 0.015). A direct and significant correlation between the thickness of each urethrovaginal segment and the presence of vaginal orgasm was found, with the best correlation observed for the distal segment (r = 0.863; P < 0.0001). Interobserver agreement between the designated evaluators was excellent (r = 0.87; P < 0.001).

CONCLUSIONS: The measurement of the space within the anterior vaginal wall by ultrasonography is a simple tool to explore anatomical variability of the human clitoris-urethrovaginal complex, also known as the G-spot, which can be correlated to the ability to experience the vaginally activated orgasm.

----

Now, we can argue back and forth about this, but I won't.

[vashti]

Now, we can argue back and forth about this, but I won't.

That's good, because here's another one from the same site:

CONCLUSIONS: In a prospective study, vaginal nerves were located regularly throughout the anterior and posterior vagina, proximally and distally, including apex and cervix. There was no vaginal location with increased nerve density. Vaginal innervation was not associated with demographic information or sexual function.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17100930?ordinalpos=1&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez. Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_DiscoveryPanel.P ubmed_Discovery_RA&linkpos=3&log$=relatedarticles& logdbfrom=pubmed

As I said, it is not a medical certainty that the G spot exists. I suppose I should have spelled out more clearly that you are free to believe whatever you like.

[Yggdrasil]

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17100930?ordinalpos=1&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez. Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_DiscoveryPanel.P ubmed_Discovery_RA&linkpos=3&log$=relatedarticles& logdbfrom=pubmed (Published 2006 Nov;3(6):979-87)

As I said, it is not a medical certainty that the G spot exists. I suppose I should have spelled out more clearly that you are free to believe whatever you like.

I don't believe, I go by the latest findings.

I'll agree to disagree

[Petit Papillon]

-Where woman has a G spot?
-At the end of the word 'shopping'

[vashti]

I don't believe, I go by the latest findings.

Then I suggest you go check out the latest anatomy books. When there is conclusive proof of a G-spot existence, it will be in there.

[Yggdrasil]

Then I suggest you go check out the latest anatomy books. When there is conclusive proof of a G-spot existence, it will be in there.

Now, we can argue back and forth about this, but I won't.

I'll agree to disagree

______________

[Lite]

Yes. Even though it feels like you want to pee, once you release that "pee," you'll effectively be squirting. It won't be piss. Promise.

Uh huh... Keep telling yourself that, but it comes out of the urethra. Which for women, is only for urinating last I knew.

[Lite]

Not that I care all that much. I figure with time you get to figure out how to work it. I think he was/is putting a lot of pressure on himself with performance. I notice he seems to care more about my O than his. But that's the sign of a good lover, and a not so out of this world first time, seems like it would lead to learning about each other and thus getting groovy with the other stuff. He's awesome everywhere else. And it really is my job to make sure he cums, since he is making such a good show of getting me off.

I'm kind of curious about bondage and spanking. I've never been comfortable enough with a lover to get to asking for stuff. I prefer to be more submissive in bed, but will dominate every once in a while.

But I don't think not getting off in sex is such a big deal. I can cum sometimes in sex, but definitely not all the time. I've learned to appreciate it for it's other qualities, and take getting off from oral or fingering, if I can't cum from sex. Any tips for girls that help you to cum during sex?

Let's put it out there forthwith. Many women simply cannot orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. It just won't happen. If you're not experiencing it naturally, there's a good chance you never will, and need other stimulation in conjuction with (or even without) penetration.

But, much of the situation really is mental (for both men and women), and your brain is your biggest sex organ. (Which tends to disappoint men to hear, and even CocoChannel periodically.)

As for a man caring about whether his woman gets off? It may be because he cares. It may be because he wants to feed his ego as he feels insecure about his abilities in bed.

Bondage is fun and all, but if you're truly interested in it beyond basic simple spanking/etc. You really need to be comfortable talking about what you do and do not like. Including being able to comfortably ask for it. Otherwise these same hang-ups and communication limitations can serve to hurt you if you end up in a situation with which you are not comfortable. IE: He's spanking you in a manner that you find painful, and not in an enjoyable way, but are afraid to correct him and disappoint the dominant.

Safety should be observed at all times. If you're going to get into restraints buy some medical scissors at the same time as the rest of your gear. Along with a strip of webbing (REI/Outdoors store that sells climbing gear) to practice cutting it in a hurry. Keep the scissors next to the play area (as it isn't always a bed) out of their sheath and in plain sight.

Some people play with safe words, me I tend to just leave the normal key words in place. You know, like: Ow, don't, no, stop, etc...

Many people will spout off the acronym of BDSM, but to be honest it's a generic term that encompasses many things. (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) Just because you're into one aspect of one term, does not mean you need to engage in the rest.

Good books to start with are The New Topping Book (for tops) and The New Bottoming Book (for bottoms). They're simple, provide good examples, and give you an idea of who is feeling what during play time. Amazon sells them, Barnes and Noble sells them, Borders sells them. They're not difficult books to find. Stockroom.com carries them last I knew, along with Sheer restraints, and various other bits.

To date the best blindfold I've found is the one that Liberator makes. It's comfy, blocks out almost all light (many don't fit all that well or the elastic bites into your skin, etc which just ends up being a crummy distraction)

Spanking is... Well it's actually something that takes training and practice to do properly. A good deal of people think they know what they're doing, but they don't. They don't know which places to hit to cause more or less pain, and change the stimulus being given. For example as you move closer to the sides of the hips/thighs it becomes more painful. Vs hitting straight on between the buttocks which puts pressure on the tailbone, and is less painful.

Another thing to consider is how easily you bruise. A guy may find it amusing to leave a hand print shaped welt or bruise on your ass, but you may not. (Typically this takes a lot of force to do with one hit to create such a welt that lasts more than a few hours. Often enough force to hurt the hand of the person delivering it.)

[Lite]

Oh, you poor thing. It's soooo satisfying. I hope this happens for you, Rollerderby.

I recommend that you find someone and stick with him. Sex gets better over time, and you found someone who is clearly interested in pleasing you.

Sex gets better over time if the relationship is worth a damn, you work at keeping it healthy, and work to advance and keep your sex life interesting.

It's much easier for your sex life to get better if you drop the embarrassment and hangups about asking for what you want, when you want, and talk about what things you're interested in experiencing/sharing. While we're raised to feel embarrassed about it, it really isn't something we should have hang-ups over.

But hey, we're raised in a country founded on puritanical principals. You know, people who preached that sex, sexuality, and enjoyment of sex were evil unless it was specifically for procreation. Women in the US are STILL paying the price for this equality-wise. Because women are temptation, and caused us to have to leave Eden...

[Rollerderby]

Lite, I love you.

You are right. But unfortunately, I agree with you. it's unfortunate because I know I should be able to ask for it, but we've had sex twice. It's going to take a few more times than that to figure the mechanics out.

He is good. He has made me come. He has tricks up his sleeve, and I am pretty sure he would be into whatever I brought along. I'm sure he would be into the kinkier stuff. I don't know why, maybe it's because I am still a curious novice in certain areas that I don't even know what I freaking like or not. I *try* to be good and stay out of the bedroom as long as I can just to get to know someone on a mental level and emotional level.

But see, I also have a weakness for men. And since I'm really just starting my adult sex life phase, I've never been with a guy that I've felt comfortable enough with to be like, listen: I am into this _________

Oh, it's like my second virginity :-)

I think you have a lot more experience in this whole bedroom play than I do. I will definitely take what you say into consideration. I'll let y'all know next time we have time to


work it out... work work work it outtttttt ;-)