Awkward Situation

[Jacen Star]

So, to start off, I'm in an early relationship with this really cool girl. Other than the fact its a long distance relationship, it has been solid with some patches here and there.

However, ask me who I wanted to be dating 6 months ago and I would have told you about this friend of mine. For the past two years since January, I was her "just friends" guy while she was in a stagnant relationship. At the time, I assumed she was shy and would get over that shyness to stop continuing the failed relationship, yada yada I was naive in thinking about it in a mature fashion. As her "just friends" person, I also was her closest confidant, border lining on her emotionally cheating on her bf at the time as she spent about 3 hours a week with him and over 30+ hours a week with me. Now we are on tentative speaking terms as she feels hurt by my negligent choice of words after confronting her. And I'm still hurt as...well, I got used as her second place person.

This whole debacle would be easy if we could just split and never see each other. But
A: We have all the same friends while home from college. We try to hang out with them at different times, but its quite annoying as well as taxing on the friends.
B: I can't speak for her, but I feel like she is off and on on wanting what we used to have. (Read distrust).
C: I know deep down I would like to actually speak to her. Not date her, as there is no way I can even try to trust her that much if you ignored the fact that I feel my current gf is better in most ways. But I certainly dislike ignoring someone who I used to talk to for hours on end night after night. I mean the rare times we do talk, its guarded, its shallow, but we still talk for hours. I'm sure it will either fizzle out or turn into a friendship that it was.

That is one long term problem. Now for the current situation.

She is dating this guy. I have my own dislikes for him, and no I can't be sure if I'm subconciously Jealous of him. She seems to like him, as he spends hours talking to her as we used to do. Thats fine, probably why I don't like him, but I really don't have a say, and since I started talking my current gf that "jealousy" has stopped bothering me almost completely.

However in the last week I was given a link to a site called 4chan. Not the best site, went there alot in my younger years whenever I needed a fix. It is the bum hole of the internet for those who don't know: racist slurs, cursing, porn. Everything they warn you about the internet. Been on there before, not really all that interesting, but it has gems every 100 or 1000 posts.

Well this link had a picture near it, with a link. The picture is of a girl giving oral, and guess what...Looks exactly like the friend. Went to the link, watched the video, not believing my eyes. Her small facial quirks, any jewelry, the clothes she would wear, and everything. It was mind blowing. Like I was speechless. It really looked exactly like her. I would provide evidence, but it is pornographic, so no dice. Plus, even if I could, I wouldn't ever post a person's picture on a internet forum, let alone an intimate setting.

Now I have a debacle.
A: How can she find this out. This video is on a public porn site other than 4chan. The site it is on is stricly made for porn videos. I certainly can't tell her, or am I being a wuss becasue she is going to shoot the messenger. I have contemplated going anonymous on aim or skype. Or giving it to a mutual friend anonymously and letting her give it to her.

I am adamant that she needs to know, because if I was her I would want to know as well. As a friend, albeit with difficulties, I would tell her.

B: Its the internet. As much as it looks like her, I don't know for sure. 90% sure is not 100%. If I'm wrong that ruins any chance we have to fix our relationship with each other. Insulting on so many levels.

C: Most of me believes that I am over her in any romantic fashion, and then other parts of me remind the trust issues we both have. But what are the chances I'm just believing its her because I want to believe its her, and that I really am not over her. Because that would be troublesome. I mean its true I still have strong feelings, but considering how close we were, as well as the fact I have never actually left a friend ever over an argument, because arguments can be settled, with screaming if need be, I'm pretty sure that I am actually over her. This video made me question though.

Overall, any analysis is welcome, but the answer to A: "How do I tell her, or show her the video?" is the major question.

Sorry for the long post, but it was needed for most of the picture as I see it.

[Rollerderby]

Ok well,

from what I can decipher, it seems that regardless of past issues, you want to help her out. That is noble and understandable. No one wants something like that of them up on the web.

Your best bet is to be assertive and tell her/show her. Or, if you know who posted it, go directly to them and get them to take it down. If you can do that, it might be better to protect her so that she doesn't have to know.

I don't know if there is a legal way to get it taken down, unless you know if she was underage at the time of the shooting. It seems like if you were to be pro-active, it would shed a lot of light onto the fact that it's up there. I feel, and think you do too, that it's better to get that video off the web.

So do what you have to do, but try to come up with a plan to get it off the web before you show her. If you don't know who put it up, show her, and tell her that you are willing to help her get it off the web. If it's not her, then you can put your mind at ease. If it is, she will prob know who took the video.

This is a friend thing. Not a romantic thing. You are just looking out for her best interest. Good for you. Good luck.