Missed opportunity from 6 years ago comes back to haunt me...

[Gigabitch]

Whatever the hell was wrong with you back then is STILL wrong with you. Stop being hostile to jdm, he's only trying to help.

I think it's really inappropriate for you to contact her. She's married. Back the hell off, buddy.

[Jambo]

You know, after thinking about it for a little while...you're right: it is quite disturbing for a 26-year-old to never have even kissed a girl, much less had sex or a long-term relationship.

For years now...struggling with depression and a practically debilitating case of A.D.D., the only thing that has kept me from commiting suicide is knowing the misery I would cause for everyone who cares about me, namely my parents and, to a somewhat lesser extent, my two siblings.

But you know, after really taking this all in, particularly, my lack of success in romance....

............I'm not sure I care about them anymore. Yeah, I'm sure I'll find someone eventually....but I just can't live with the shame and embarassment of having never even kissed a girl before at 26, despite having a golden opportunity to have a girlfriend two years out of high school, but being too stupid to jump at the chance.

It is disturbing. It really is...and that just makes me sick to my stomach, and just flat-out disgusted with myself.

Hell, I'm not even a bad-looking guy. 6'0", green eyes, dark blonde hair, and I've been told by some people that I look like Tom Cruise, and told by others that I look like Prince William. So, not to brag but no, I'm not an ugly-looking dude.

But that doesn't amount to much if you're a complete loser.

That's the sad truth: I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?

Nevermind.

If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself...

adios

[Jambo]

Whatever the hell was wrong with you back then is STILL wrong with you.

As though you have any idea what you're talking about. That's really cute.|

No, the supposed "problem" that I have now had nothing to do with why I didn't go out with that girl.

You're comparing apples or oranges, my friend.

Try again. ;^)

Stop being hostile to jdm, he's only trying to help.

Oh, he's trying to help, is he? Well, he's not trying very hard, using a word like "disturbing" in reference to me. Those are the kind of things that you keep to yourself when you're trying to be helpful. Even if it is accurate, isn't the best way to make someone listen to you. Rather, it has the opposite effect. It can make someone reject your advice, and take anything else you say with a grain of salt.

I think it's really inappropriate for you to contact her. She's married.

You've no idea what my intentions are in contacting her. Originally, I only wanted to make contact with her just to see what she's been up to for the past 6 years. Is that REALLY so wrong?

Yes, finding that she was married struck a blow, and made me feel like shit, but that makes no difference.

Yes, after realizing that my rather abrupt departure, without a sincere 'goodbye' may have hurt her, I did want to convey to her my remorse for hurting her. All the message to her sister has to cover is: my curiosity in what Heather has been up to for the past 6 years; my regret for hurting her, if I did, happen to hurt her; my regret for passing up such a terrific girl; a brief overview of what I've been doing for the past 6 years; and ending the letter with something to the effect of "Anyway, after all these years, I just started thinking about her a bit, and just wondered what she had been up to all this time, and wanted her to know that I was thinking about her, and that I wish her all the best." (hmm...that actually doesn't sound too bad. I might have to save that)

No, sorry, but I really don't see an email of that nature doing anything to Heather's marriage, especially since it wouldn't be going directly to her.

Even though nothing big happened between her and I, there is nothing wrong with saying "hi," and catching up on old times.

Back the hell off, buddy.

lol...that's rather cute. And I thought I was a "people person."

With that kind of attitude, do you honestly expect me to comply with your request? Think about it, "buddy."

I don't have any of her contact information, so there's no danger of harming her marriage, and her sister isn't forced to open any email that I send her, nor is she forced to pass on anything from said emails to Heather.

[IndiReloaded]

Dude, relax.

You were so young then. She probably just took you aback with her assertive attitude. It happens. Some people are just sensitive to things not being quite what they expect.

You were probably also unused to having someone admire you so openly. So, that said, it happened once so it can happen again.

No point living in the past, tho. She's married = missed opportunity. Happens to everyone at some point. You need to be open to new possibilities. Contacting her is not going to help you.

When I started reading your post I thought to myself "wow, what an interesting guy". Your later posts are a bit defensive, but we get you are just looking for some help.

The suicide stuff is just crap. Like I said, my first reaction to your post was "interesting", so don't go all postal b/c a couple people posted something you didn't like. Just take what is useful and move on. Life is a gift, its the only kick at the can you're gonna get, so make the most of it.

[Jambo]

Dude, relax.

You were so young then. She probably just took you aback with her assertive attitude. It happens. Some people are just sensitive to things not being quite what they expect.

You were probably also unused to having someone admire you so openly. So, that said, it happened once so it can happen again.

No point living in the past, tho. She's married = missed opportunity. Happens to everyone at some point. You need to be open to new possibilities. Contacting her is not going to help you.

When I started reading your post I thought to myself "wow, what an interesting guy". Your later posts are a bit defensive, but we get you are just looking for some help.

The suicide stuff is just crap. Like I said, my first reaction to your post was "interesting", so don't go all postal b/c a couple people posted something you didn't like. Just take what is useful and move on. Life is a gift, its the only kick at the can you're gonna get, so make the most of it.

Well, with an adjective like "disturbing" applied to my unfortunate situation (nearly 26, never been in a relationship, never had sex......never even kissed a girl), it doesn't exactly give me hope for the future. In fact, in only further encourages me to take the coward's way out before I get much older.


I have to commend you, though. This is, by far, the most helpful reply I have yet to receive, and you didn't try to patronize me with the BS that I usually get from people. You really do seem to understand what happened, though I don't think I was taken aback by her assertiveness. With my poor luck in high school, I grew to feel that getting a girlfriend would be impossibly difficult. Then, when I actually find the right girl, it's so effortless that it just didn't feel satisfying to win her over. Even with my sudden disinterest, I still wanted to take her out. I just...I was just to...afraid of failure and making an idiot of myself that it killed my motivation. Then again, if I hadn't suddenly lost interest, I would have been more motivated.

You're absolutely right that I'm not used to someone adimiring me so openly.
There have been a couple of females who admired me, but no, none of them did so as openly as Heather.

Maybe contacting her won't help me. Maybe it will. I can't help but lean strongly towards the latter, though. To be honest, I don't expect to ever make contact with her. I did (and do) care for her, and I am glad that she found a guy who isn't just going to sit on his hands when an adorable young lady comes onto him (bangs head). Still, I do feel that making my past and present feelings known, including my remorse for hurting her, would help to mend my broken heart....which, sadly, is my own damned fault.
(I broke hers and, in doing so, mine was broken)


I do appreciate the complement. I suppose I am kinda interesting, but for the most part, I'm just a debilitatingly-introverted, 25-year-old virgin loser.

One of my problems, I think, is that I'm slowly accepting the idea of dying alone. I'm less than a month shy of 26, and I've not even kissed a girl. Yeah, the painful truth is that....it is disturbing, and I can't imagine too many females would find that attractive. Sure, I don't have to tell them, but I'm pretty sure they'll be able tell, right away.

[jdm95si]

i stand by my statement, mainly because i wasnt just talking about your inexperience, but rather the way you "left" the forum, it was suggestive that you were going to do something drastic which is more disturbing. i could give a s*** whether you kissed a girl or not. I have a feeling if you were really suicidal and cared about what other people thought of it then you wouldnt go on the internet and make comments like "i think this will be my last post.............................................. .................................................. ....................". your a 25 year old MAN so act like one. Right now i wouldn't be able to tell the difference between you and a menstrual teenage girl. i was trying to help but i expect the same amount of maturity back. If you really have suicidal thoughts, its not gonna fix it coming here and talking about something that happened years ago. seek actual counseling. i never claimed to be a therapist and your asking regular people for advice so expect as much.

[IndiReloaded]

One of my problems, I think, is that I'm slowly accepting the idea of dying alone. I'm less than a month shy of 26, and I've not even kissed a girl. Yeah, the painful truth is that....it is disturbing, and I can't imagine too many females would find that attractive. Sure, I don't have to tell them, but I'm pretty sure they'll be able tell, right away.

You tend to the dramatic, that's for sure.

If you really need to contact her, then go ahead. But don't be surprised if she's creeped out. She's got a life, without you. Keep your expectations reasonable.

You are kind of old for never kissed a girl, but its way more common these days than you realize. There are a number of college-aged people, some on this forum, in the same place you are. Don't despair.

I notice in your location AFB. Military? That's its own microcosm, so you are trying to date somewhat in a fishbowl. Are you near any large cities? You could try getting some hobbies. Check out [url]www.meetup.com[/url]. Or join a dojo. I find MA folk to be very sociable.

[Jambo]

i stand by my statement, mainly because i wasnt just talking about your inexperience, but rather the way you "left" the forum, it was suggestive that you were going to do something drastic which is more disturbing. i could give a s*** whether you kissed a girl or not. I have a feeling if you were really suicidal and cared about what other people thought of it then you wouldnt go on the internet and make comments like "i think this will be my last post.............................................. .................................................. ....................". your a 25 year old MAN so act like one. Right now i wouldn't be able to tell the difference between you and a menstrual teenage girl. i was trying to help but i expect the same amount of maturity back. If you really have suicidal thoughts, its not gonna fix it coming here and talking about something that happened years ago. seek actual counseling. i never claimed to be a therapist and your asking regular people for advice so expect as much.

Well, I really don't know what you expected to achieve with this rather amusing post, but I think about the only thing you accomplished was giving me a good laugh, and building yourself up by telling me off

If you expect someone to listen to you, and actually take your advice to heart, making offensive comments and/or getting an attitude isn't the best way to go about it. From the looks of it, Gigabitch (rather fitting name) figured that out rather quickly, since I've seen neither hind nor hair of her since Wednesday.

So, please, spare me your pathetic pseudo-parental pep talk. You're only wasting your time, my friend.

Water off a duck's back...

[Jambo]

You tend to the dramatic, that's for sure.

If you really need to contact her, then go ahead. But don't be surprised if she's creeped out. She's got a life, without you. Keep your expectations reasonable.

I really don't see why she would be creeped out. A guy she had a crush on 5 or 6 years ago asks what she's been up to, out of the blue. If it was an ongoing thing, that would be a different story. It seems pretty harmless. I shoot her sister a relatively short email, conveying curiousity in what she's been doing for the past 6 years, what I've been up to, a sentence or two conveying my thoughts on what happened between her and I, a hint of regret for passing her up, and ending the message with nice: "I wish you well. Take care...yadda yadda yadda...."

You are kind of old for never kissed a girl, but its way more common these days than you realize. There are a number of college-aged people, some on this forum, in the same place you are. Don't despair.

kinda...lol. Even 6 years ago, I felt like I was too old to not have ever kissed a girl, but thank you for putting it a little more lightly, and I also thank you for your words of hope. Knowing that I'm not the only person in my...odd...position is actually somewhat reassuring. Then again, they probably have a much better excuse than I do. Hell, all I had to do was kiss her, right then and there.

"I don't care what the other guys say... I really like you" - *smooch*

I notice in your location AFB. Military? That's its own microcosm, so you are trying to date somewhat in a fishbowl. Are you near any large cities? You could try getting some hobbies. Check out [url]www.meetup.com[/url]. Or join a dojo. I find MA folk to be very sociable.

Well, I thought that I might get lucky, and find someone in the military, but I found out rather quickly that most of the females are either married, otherwise spoken for, or too young for me. Then again, I've only been in for a little over a year.

Kansas City is about 45 - 50 minutes away.

I prefer interests over hobbies. Hobbies cost money...

[jdm95si]

Well, I really don't know what you expected to achieve with this rather amusing post, but I think about the only thing you accomplished was giving me a good laugh, and building yourself up by telling me off

right, i would go onto the internet to build myself up. Nope sorry I'm out in the real world kissing girls bud.

[kai]

right, i would go onto the internet to build myself up. Nope sorry I'm out in the real world kissing girls bud.

Ouch!!!!!!!!