Problem with girlfriend

[onemessedup]

There is only one way to get this girl to change her behavior:

show her you won't tolerate it

As long as you tolerate it no amount of love or help will get her to change her mind. You just need to tell her, do it one more time and I'll break up with you. And if she does it, break up with her. Either she will change, or she will be a miserable woman for the rest of her life.

Either way, you move on to something better.

Sadly she's not the type that is afraid of threats.
One time we were in a fight, she go berserk and she yelled these few words:
You think you can win me, there is no way you can win over me!

She thinks of herself highly.

And also she constantly tells me that if she wants a guy she can just snap a finger and easily she can find a dozen. So she's being nice when she's with me. She can leave anytime she wants to. She told me she is still very much wanted out there.

So no, threats like this isn't going to work. When she was young he was that uncontrollable, her aunt has got to tie her legs to a pole just so that she don't run around destroy things or injure herself. Not the typical kinda girl. She is not the barbie doll cute cooking game type. She plays dirty mud drain fish catching games with boys when she was a kid. Comes back all black and dirty because she fell in the drain but will not shed a single tear, even if her dad beats her with a cane. She'd stare back irregardless of how painful it was.

This....is the woman I am talking about. You just couldn't break her. I am relieved you ask, because you can slowly see how she is before you pass any other judgement.

[Cbrider]

Pretty funny...haha. But no, as much as I hate this...I lay no hands on any woman. To the most I would do is yell then walk away. Nothing more. I am rigid on what I can and cannot do. Which also causes this problem, I am stern on my believe. There's good there's bad. It all comes in a package.

Haha...

You're absolutely right about this and I have parallel beliefs in never hitting a woman. I saw it once and went absolutely ballistic, my friend managed to pull me away in an arm lock to let me calm down before a full out fight erupted.

It was more of a vivid figure of speech

---------------------------------

I hate to say it, but your relationship has and continues to crumble because you both have set beliefs/behavior and its not going to bend. Its good that you stick to your guns when it comes to beliefs, but you need to protect yourself as well. She would call me a pussy once and never again because I would be gone. You're not a pussy for walking away, you're demonstrating that you understand self respect.

Believe me, people will look at you in a positive light if you decide to end this. You obviously can't physically stop her verbal abuse, but you can just as easily make a point of not taking it anymore.

[onemessedup]

You're absolutely right about this and I have parallel beliefs in never hitting a woman. I saw it once and went absolutely ballistic, my friend managed to pull me away in an arm lock to let me calm down before a full out fight erupted.

It was more of a vivid figure of speech

---------------------------------

I hate to say it, but your relationship has and continues to crumble because you both have set beliefs/behavior and its not going to bend. Its good that you stick to your guns when it comes to beliefs, but you need to protect yourself as well. She would call me a pussy once and never again because I would be gone. You're not a pussy for walking away, you're demonstrating that you understand self respect.

Believe me, people will look at you in a positive light if you decide to end this. You obviously can't physically stop her verbal abuse, but you can just as easily make a point of not taking it anymore.

Perhaps you're right. I am trying to build as much courage as possible to walk away. But we've been together for a while and we've been through shits together and it was so deep. Hence it is even harder.

This I must admit, I have no balls enough to leave, but I am looking for some to help me leave. I kept thinking back and in some crooked manner, I somehow tell myself...was it me that was wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have done this and that...maybe this maybe that.
Maybe I should say sorry.

Always happens to me. One few time she apologized after I said she verbally abuse me. Next time she abuse me again, I tell her I thought you repented after the apology.
Her answer: No. I apologized that time because we were fighting and I just want to cool things off. It doesn't mean I am admitting that I was wrong.

I was so dumbfounded by that answer. Literally means, she was never at fault for the whole two year relationship irregardless of what arguments we ever had. She believe she is perfect, one time in an argument I insist no one is perfect. She told me this : That's because you're imperfect hence you refuse to believe that people can be. Hence you also couldn't bring yourself to believe I am perfect.

How do you even deal with someone that believed they are perfect? This is like arguing with God. Could you ever say god is wrong? You can't.

[MVPlaya]

And also she constantly tells me that if she wants a guy she can just snap a finger and easily she can find a dozen. So she's being nice when she's with me. She can leave anytime she wants to.

Look, I'm not going to keep trying to reason with you, this is your problem.

She is not being nice by staying with you, she is being an abusive bitch because you are one of countless men dumb enough to take it from her.

She can leave anytime she wants, and so can you. There is no rule that says that only the prettier person in the relationship can dump the other. If she finds another guy, great, **** her.

You are just making a series of terrible excuses when there is only one thing you should do:

DUMP THIS BITCH

What shocks me is how little self-respect you have. I mean, on this forum you complain about people's language against you, you complain about people not responding to you like adults, but in your relationship you literally let this girl shit all over you. If you had only one tenth the spine you have on these forums in real life, maybe you wouldn't be dealing with this problem. Your girlfriend is never going to respect you, I only wish you respect yourself enough to leave her.

**** trying to fix her, she is not worth fixing, dump her. The fact that there are other men out there dumb enough to put up with her does not mean she is worth dating, it just means there are a lot of dumb men out there. Prove to yourself that you're not one of those idiots.

[MVPlaya]

How do you even deal with someone that believed they are perfect? This is like arguing with God. Could you ever say god is wrong? You can't.

No, its like arguing with an idiot. And everyone knows there is no point arguing with idiots. You save logic for people who can understand it.

[onemessedup]

Look, I'm not going to keep trying to reason with you, this is your problem.

She is not being nice by staying with you, she is being an abusive bitch because you are one of countless men dumb enough to take it from her.

She can leave anytime she wants, and so can you. There is no rule that says that only the prettier person in the relationship can dump the other. If she finds another guy, great, **** her.

You are just making a series of terrible excuses when there is only one thing you should do:

DUMP THIS BITCH

What shocks me is how little self-respect you have. I mean, on this forum you complain about people's language against you, you complain about people not responding to you like adults, but in your relationship you literally let this girl shit all over you. If you had only one tenth the spine you have on these forums in real life, maybe you wouldn't be dealing with this problem. Your girlfriend is never going to respect you, I only wish you respect yourself enough to leave her.

**** trying to fix her, she is not worth fixing, dump her. The fact that there are other men out there dumb enough to put up with her does not mean she is worth dating, it just means there are a lot of dumb men out there. Prove to yourself that you're not one of those idiots.

Point taken!

[MVPlaya]

Point taken!

Let us know how it goes. Good luck, and be strong.

[Cbrider]

Let us know how it goes. Good luck, and be strong.

On that note you need to go in with a clear motive. You can't try to talk it through and rework things, it's over.

I honestly doubt that you will run into much opposition from her, she's controlling you and knows that in time all control can and will dissolve.

If she gets nasty, you can always tell her that Cbrider thinks she's a bitch beyond words. She will understand, I'm sure of it.

[jdm95si]

She is spoiled and her mother is afraid of losing her. You have to just hear how she yelled at her mother, slam door and how few times she would argue with her mother in a shopping mall, and just walk off drive away with her car leaving her mother alone in the mall.

and you stayed with her after knowing she pulls that shit on her dependant mother? Actions speak louder than words my friend, your a christian and your dating someone who does this? and its suprising to you its not working out if this girl would do this to her own mother?

Few days ago I threw my temper at a complete stranger in which I should usually just talk my way out. But I didn't even talk but started yelling. After of it, I have no idea why I was an idiot to that stranger.

not very christian

Haha....my weakness is that I do not dare to leave any woman I am with. In that sense, I am a pussy.

accurate.

[onemessedup]

On that note you need to go in with a clear motive. You can't try to talk it through and rework things, it's over.

I honestly doubt that you will run into much opposition from her, she's controlling you and knows that in time all control can and will dissolve.

If she gets nasty, you can always tell her that Cbrider thinks she's a bitch beyond words. She will understand, I'm sure of it.

Yea, she is somewhat controlling.

[onemessedup]

and you stayed with her after knowing she pulls that shit on her dependant mother? Actions speak louder than words my friend, your a christian and your dating someone who does this? and its suprising to you its not working out if this girl would do this to her own mother?



not very christian



accurate.

I was already half way through the relationship with her. Many people just couldn't leave things like that. I happen to be one in that statistic, yes her actions isn't good. But then people in love tend to comfort themselves thinking, nah maybe she has her reasons. Until she does it on me.

I know it's not very christian. Like I mentioned in previous post. God and Christians are actually two different thing. We are still human and we always do wrong, whether we realize it or not. I let myself sin because of my anger, I never tell the world it was right nor do I condone it to happen again.
I am clear with my mind on my own actions, wrong is wrong, right is right, there is no grey area. I can't kill a person just because they provoke me and claim provocation. The fact is, the act of killing itself is wrong, I am not going to make excuses for myself. I only bring up that incident to let people here know what is happening to me now, that I have become not good and uncontrollable.

[IndiReloaded]

If you don't think reporting people about being offensive should take place, then I think the report button should be removed. It's just like what you said, if you don't like the fact that people can report, then don't allow the reporting function.

Are you seeing yourself or are you just the type that only knows how to judge another but not yourself. You don't even know me but you know about me being offended the moment I woke up?

Did I stepped on your tail? I wasn't even in a conversation with you but you got to budge in like that and make accusations. Who's te one looking for a fight? You came and you attack, and suddenly I am the one looking for a fight. You just have the most twisted mind ever.

See? You do know how to stick up for yourself.

Sadly, after reading your other posts, I'm afraid I agree with MVP. This woman is not interested in anything but her own selfish, bitchy self. She's not interested in learning from your conflicts and making things better. Its her way or the highway. You deserve better.

[jdm95si]

I was already half way through the relationship with her. Many people just couldn't leave things like that. I happen to be one in that statistic, yes her actions isn't good. But then people in love tend to comfort themselves thinking, nah maybe she has her reasons. Until she does it on me.

I know it's not very christian. Like I mentioned in previous post. God and Christians are actually two different thing. We are still human and we always do wrong, whether we realize it or not. I let myself sin because of my anger, I never tell the world it was right nor do I condone it to happen again.
I am clear with my mind on my own actions, wrong is wrong, right is right, there is no grey area. I can't kill a person just because they provoke me and claim provocation. The fact is, the act of killing itself is wrong, I am not going to make excuses for myself. I only bring up that incident to let people here know what is happening to me now, that I have become not good and uncontrollable.

not trying to be a jerk but do you really want to be with a person who causes you to sin where otherwise you wouldnt?

[onemessedup]

See? You do know how to stick up for yourself.

Sadly, after reading your other posts, I'm afraid I agree with MVP. This woman is not interested in anything but her own selfish, bitchy self. She's not interested in learning from your conflicts and making things better. Its her way or the highway. You deserve better.

I used to stick up for myself and still can in any occasions. I was a former law student and was also a graduate of business and marketing in the information technology line.

My problem is not that I cannot raise good enough points to defend myself or make sense out of things. My problem is that I am afraid that if I don't follow her rules, I'd get kick off. There you go, my one hell of a big weakness, finally revealed and you all know now where the problem lies. I can only whine here, but unable to take action due to fear.

My other friend which I spoke to yesterday who was a marriage counselor told me my problem is with myself, is that I do not know who I really am, hence I cannot make a stand with her. I allow myself to be living in fear, and that is just the reason why, nothing is falling into place. He also mentioned that if I don't set things right with myself and learn to know who I really am, the next relationship will give me the same bullshit and I'll be whining about the same problem.

[IndiReloaded]

My other friend which I spoke to yesterday who was a marriage counselor told me my problem is with myself, is that I do not know who I really am, hence I cannot make a stand with her. I allow myself to be living in fear, and that is just the reason why, nothing is falling into place. He also mentioned that if I don't set things right with myself and learn to know who I really am, the next relationship will give me the same bullshit and I'll be whining about the same problem.

Well, that may be true but it doesn't make her behaviour acceptable. At least you are trying to do better. That counts for a lot, IMO. Tho I do think you have some issues about religion, but whatever. You're lucky this thread isn't about that or I'd be your worst nightmare.

I know you and Giga rubbed each other wrong, but she has a really good phrase for trying to change people who just don't want to go there:

Polishing a turd.

Does this^ resonate with you in any way about your interactions with this gal?