friends or is it more than that? sorry this is so long!

[lovebug29]

Sorry this is so long!!!! I am just so confused and I really need some advice.

I have a friend who I also work with. We have worked together for about 8 years. I have been attracted to him from the very first time I met him. We would go out quite a bit but it was always with other people from work. One night after being at a club he asked me to come back to his house. I agreed and when I got there we started to drink more. One thing led to another and we slept together. It was great but at work on Monday, things were very weird. I was in a realationship at the time and I felt horrible so I didn't try to pursue him or ask him why he was acting like that.

After a few months we were back to talking and going out out again. I became single and he was in a realtionship with someone but I still felt this strong connection between the two of us. About 5 years after the first time we hooked up, we slep together again. We were both drinking. He was still dating someone but I was single. The next day at work I tried to talk to him about what happened and about how I was feeling about him but he blew me off. I was very hurt and decided that I was done with him. I tried to forget about him but it was very hard since I see him all the time at work.

Fast forward to 1 year ago. He breaks things off with his girlfriend who he dated for 5 years. I am in a realtionship but not a happy one. One day at work he asked me to go out with a group of friends and himself. I went, had a blast with him and we ended up at a table by ourselves. He was drinking but not very much, I was not drinking. He starts to tell me that I am very special to him and how much I mean to him. He refers to the times that we have been together as "making love". I was so shocked that I didn't know what to say. I did finally tell him that he means a lot to me as well and that I had feelings for him.

After this happened we became even closer. He tells me stories about his childhood, his mom and dad and troubles that he has had with them, past gf's, everything, I felt so close to him. We talk every day, sometimes 4-5 times for an hour or more. He text me after work, mostly jokes, and some flirting. We did sleep together again after a night out of drinking, yes again we both were drinking!

Recently he asked me out with him and some guy friends. I went and once I got there he spent the entire time with me. He asked me if I would take him home and I did. I went inside and we sat on the couch and talked. I held his hand and he was holding mine and then suddenly jerked away. We talked about our times together and how incredible it was. He even asked me to come and look at his knife collection that he has. We went into his bedroom and he was showing me all of his collections. He looked at me and asked if I remember the great times on the bed. I told him I did and he suddenly changed the subject and we walked out. We went back to the couch and both did a few shots of something that he had made. After a few minutes we started kissing and we once again slept together. I told him before I left that I did not want things to be weird at work and he said not to worry that it wouldn't be. He held my face and told me he loved me. I told him I loved him back and we kissed. I was sober by this point but he was still drinking. I don't know if this meant anything or not, did he just say it b/c he was drinking??? This was about a month ago.

For the last 3 days, he has gone back to being cold to me. I don't know if it's me or if he is stressed with work?? I know he has had some issues with some job's that he has worked on. He looks into my office every time he passes by. We make eye contact and sometimes hold for a few seconds. I did ask him if he wanted to go out, my treat, just him and I and he said he would and that it would be great. I told him to pick a night and he didn't respond.

He tells me how insecure he is and that he will say that he doesn't approach women for fear of being rejected. He has told me that he will not marry until he finds "the one" and he doesn't think he wants kids. He is 39 years old, I am 36. I am in love with him. I can't stop thinking of him and I want to be with him but I don't know how he feels. What do you think? Is he interested in me or am I just a FWB? I think I am ready to talk to him but sober, both of us so we can get this out. Any thoughts guy's?

[bloodtippedrose]

If a man wants a woman he lets nothing get in the way of pursuing her.
It sounds like this guy is getting drunk, getting horny, gets what he wants and goes back to cutting you off when he's not horny. Using you, and telling you what you want to hear securing himself a booty call.
Or he could be massively afraid of commitment, so much so all his relationships end and he subconsciously doesnt want your fate to end like his ex's so he starts getting close to you and pulls away hard.
You have to talk to him seriously when he's sober and dont be afraid to lay down questions about if he wants to start something serious or not. You're a grown woman and can't be wasting your time with this kind've does he like me or not drama.

[lovebug29]

Thanks for the reply. This is what I am afraid of that he is just using me and I don't want to look stupid by telling him how I feel and him feel nothing for me. But your right, I am too old to deal with this so I need to talk to him while we are both sober.

Thanks Again!

[bloodtippedrose]

Youd look stupid for not asking him by now you know?
my older sister was in an extremely similar situation, having casual sex with a guy that seemed to be evading commitment. She read this book:

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/068987474X"]Amazon.com: He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (9780689874741): Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo: Books[/ame]

it massively empowered her to stand up to him and say that she wasnt going to waste her time with him and he came RUNNING after her. I suggest you read it to help you get a little courage up.